Giving Away an Angel
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
Summary: Trowa's dead, and in order for him to get into paradise (and thus spend eternity with Quatre when he too dies..) he must get Quatre to fall in love with somone else who is living... Duo, to be exact. (Complete)
1. Prologue

Kilik:Shinigami no kamikaze owns: CDs and a rotten apple. Do you see Gundam Wing listed among those things? Then it is safe to assume she does not own it.  
SnK:Another day, another stange fic  
Hwoarang:What now?   
SnK:Dead people playing matchmaker.  
Hwoarang:... I don't even want to know. Ya know what? I'm happy you don't write Tekken fics anymore.  
SnK:*narrows eyes* Oh.... but I think I could find it in my heart to write special one just for -you-, 'Rang-chan...  
Hwoarang:I am shutting up.... now.  
Kilik:A friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai, cussing, and some angst..   
SnK:Or it will... don't know how angst this one turned out. *shrugs*  
  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel Prologue   
by Shinigami no Kamikaze  
  
  
The white winged figure stood out in it's radiance against the grey nothingness Trowa found himself in. It took a moment for Trowa's mind to register, 'Angel..'  
  
He had never believed in angels, heaven, hell, or God. He would still be skeptical if it were not for the sensations... the awesome presence of the small, delicate.. and yes, beautiful... avatar standing before him. Such was his aura, his majesty Trowa did not feel he should be looking directly at him (for, after some deliberation, he had decided it was male). Trowa avoided looking into his face, unsure what one would do in front of an angel.  
  
The intensity of the 'presence' of the angel seemed to tone down around him. "Please raise your head, Trowa." The voice had a musical quality about it, and Trowa hesitantly glanced up.  
  
The angel's wings had disappered, his glow diminished. Straight black hair fell to about his shoulders, silver eyes scanning Trowa. His face was... indescribable. It was not like any mortal beauty. While it was captivating and breathtaking sight, Trowa prefered the look of his Quatre... and a few (very few) other mortals.  
  
"Do you know what's happened?" His voice was strong and yet had a strange musical quality to it.  
  
Trowa nodded solemnly, "I'm dead."  
  
The angel nodded, "I cannot let you move on. There are things you must do before you enter paradise."  
  
Trowa's eyes widened. Paradise? Him? "What?"  
  
The walls and furnishings of a room Trowa knew very well started to appear out of the greyness. Soon he and the angel stood in what was once a room he shared with Quatre, although now it was Quatre's alone.... Trowa's heart started to break as he saw the blonde sob on their bed, laying on his side.  
  
"Trowa... I'll never forget... I'll remain loyal to you. How could I ever love anyone else? Trowa... why did you have to leave!?" Then Quatre let out a wail of pure anguish. The angel looked over to see tears rolling down Trowa's cheeks, his face set in a grimace... yet he remained perfectly silent.  
  
"To get into paradise," the angel began, "you must get Quatre to share his heart with another."  
  
"What?" Trowa demanded. His Quatre and some other man...? The idea was appalling to Trowa. He had to give Quatre up to go to paradise? Giving Quatre up would be his own personal hell! "...I can't."  
  
The angel scowled, "Do you see him?" he yelled as he pointed to Quatre's shuttering form on the bed. "He shall grow weaker and weaker... his heart is in bondage. Like this, he has ceased to live. It is the same as if you shot him yourself."  
  
Trowa remained silent. He could not be sure... but the thought of Quatre in pain... he couldn't let that happen. Even if he had to spend the rest of eternity apart from him sitting outside the gate of paradise, he could survive knowing Quatre was content.  
  
The angel softened, "You will not lose him forever if you succeed. You will merely have to share him." Trowa looked up, and he thought he saw a glint or good humor in the angel's eye, but he did not understand.  
  
The angel sobered somewhat, "You can not let him fall in love with just anyone, though..." The world around them rippled and changed. Pointing as the image cleared, the angel said, "It has to be with him."  
  
The braided boy in front of them was playing some video game. "You sons of whores...." Duo's whole body started leaning to the left as he pounded on the buttons of the controller, "Oh, no you don't.... Shit!" Duo threw the controller at the TV, and whether by luck or intention, not hard enough to break either of them. But instead of still being in a good mood afterwards (Duo was one of the few people Trowa knew who really understood that games were ment for fun, not fusteration.. of course, Duo was one of the few people he knew, period.) like he usually was (and mumbling something about how he'd soon get his revenge).   
  
Duo sighed, looking downcast. Glancing over at one of the pictures on a dresser nearby, Trowa heard Duo mumble, "It'd be alot more fun if you were here, Torwa..." Duo smiled meekly, "Then I could kick your ass at this and rebuild by confidence in my mad skillz." The image faded away to white just as Duo sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
  
Trowa looked up at the angel in shock, "Why him?.... I thought he was with Heero."  
  
"Whatever relationships that there already are do not matter. This is what needs be done." The angel said firmly, not even looking at Trowa but at where Duo was, "If either of them dies before they realize and admit to one another their feelings, you will be damned to limbo. Since Quatre already has admittance to paradise, you will never see one another again... even if it is his greatest desire. Do you understand the gravity of this situation?"  
  
It was a hard concept for Trowa to grasp... and eternity of sitting outside the gates of utopia, knowing that Quatre was inside, but never being able to see him... He'd thought a 2 year tour without Quatre was unbearable (which is why he hadn't done it). After he let it seep into his mind for a few moments, Trowa nodded slowly.  
  
"Then you will be sent to earth, regardless of you decision to try or not. You will exist as you are now--you will be without a physical form. The only way to interact with physical objects, make sound, and the like, you must either be completely focused or your emotions must be intense... it is diffcult to do, so I would not expect to be doing any strenuous activities. You will have the power to be in and observe dreams of mortals... You may walk through solid objects when you wish, or you may choose to stand or sit on them...but for now, you will have some time to think. When you are ready to go, call for me. I am Raziel."  
  
Trowa sat alone in the white for-- there was no way to tell time there. What seemed like hours could have only been minutes, or whole days... weeks.  
  
Trowa did admit to himself that he was selfish. He did not want to share Quatre with anyone... the fact that it would be Duo, one of the few people he could actually call a friend, made things more complicated. He liked Duo, and all, but he simply did not envision him as a suitable partner for Quatre. He did not think Duo could understand the kind of guilt Quatre would sometimes feel... or be quiet and gentle when Quatre needed it. He wondered if the union would lessen Quatre's pain or add to it... would Quatre start to pretend to be something he was not to keep Duo happy (of course, it seemed that keeping Duo happy was easy to do... would Quatre fake being happy as to not upset him?)?  
  
Well, he had already decided to try. He couldn't leave Quatre in so much sorrow... and if this had a chance of relieveing that burden from him..   
  
Now the next question was, where to start?  
  
"Raziel!"  
  
The silver eyed angel appeared once more,"Have you decided on a course of action?"  
  
"Yes... I will try."  
  
The angel gave the faintest hint of a smile, "For that selflessness, and given your actions in life, I would let you into paradise... but it is not my decision. Have you thought about where you want me to set you down upon the mortal plane?"  
  
"Yes.... please, take me to where Quatre is."  
  
Raziel disappered as the whiteness around Trowa changed and shaped back into Quatre's bedroom. Just as the scenery became crystal clear, he heard Raziel's distinctive voice in his mind, 'I will see you when you succeed... or when one of the mortals dies...' it whispered softly. Then the angel's presence was gone.  
  
Looking over at Quatre, appearently sleeping on the bed, Trowa sighed. How was he ever going to accomplish this?  
  
~~~end  
  
SnK:Should I continue? I mean, this was just an idea I'm thrownin' out, here.  
Trowa:No! ... right Quatre?  
Quatre:*blush*  
Trowa:*glares*...   
...  
RIGHT?  
Quatre:*mumbles*  
Trowa:What was that?  
Quatre:*mumbles*  
SnK:*scratches the back of her head*... heh heh heh.... maybe this -was- a bad idea.  
Hwoarang:What did I tell you?  
SnK:You say all my fics are stupid ideas!  
Hwoarang:...and have I ever been wrong?  
SnK:*narrows eyes* ... *snaps fingers and makes Hwoarang's boots into pink bunny slippers that won't ever come off 'til SnK lets 'em, then blows a whistle and calls the Zergling in* See, Zergling? See the bunnies? Eat the bunnies! Eat the bunnies!  
Zergling:KKkkkrraaahhh! *runs after Hwoarang who shrieks and runs like hell*  
SnK:heeheeheeheehee. ... anyway, review, people. I love reviews! *glares at reader and points* And if you don't..... *thunder claps in the distance* I'll turn your shoes into pink bunny slippers, too!  



	2. Giving Away an Angel - Part 1

Kilik: Shinigami no Kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing  
Shinigami no Kamikaze: hehh.... sorry for being pretty much MIA recently. I meant to get this part out a lot sooner... but--  
Hwoarang: She's too busy playing with the new computer.  
SnK: I am not! It took me awhile to even figure out how you get to the word processor on this damn thing.. Anyway, I've been swamped with work recently--  
Hwoarang: *words dripping with sarcasm* Sure you have.  
SnK: ... I really should just gag you.  
Kilik: A friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai, nekkid Duo, and some angst.  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel   
Part 1  
by Shinigami no Kamikaze  
  
  
Trowa looked over at his angel knowing what he had to do. Then, with shock, he noticed how pained Quatre's expression was... usually he was so serene in sleep. He walked over to the side of Quatre's bed, and lay a hand upon his forehead, knowing that his love would never feel him...  
  
Wait... didn't Raziel say something about being in people's dreams? If so... how did he do it?  
  
Something in the back of Trowa's mind clicked. Suddenly driven by instincts he'd never had before, his hand pressed again against Quatre's forehead... only it was if it wasn't there, and his hand went straight in. Trowa did not have enough time to take in this disturbing sight before he was suddenly somewhere else.  
  
He was looking down upon the scene. From his vantage point, he could see the remains of a car along side a mangled pickup... the strange thing was, everything in this world was stained blood red. That, and the complete lack of any movement or life. Then he saw Quatre, a shining spot of color in the oppressive crimson surroundings.  
  
"How could you die like this...? You couldn't.. you weren't supposed to die like this... I ... I should have been there.... I should have stopped you!" Quatre fell sobbing in front of the wreck.  
  
It suddenly dawned upon him what this was. This was the place where he'd been killed. The car was his. The pool of blood... the splattered body parts along the roadside... those were probably his, too. Now that he saw it, he realized how bad the crash was. He must have died on impact.  
  
He recalled dimly how it had happened. He'd been driving on the freeway. He was heading back to the manor from a performance he'd done with some other entertainers for a children's hospital. While he'd like to have claimed he'd simply done it out of the goodness of his heart, he had to admit a factor of his deciding to volunteer was Quatre's business conference that day. It was night, and there was a blind corner. Just as he turned, he saw the headlights of a truck barreling down the wrong side of the road. Trowa tried to swerve out of the way, but piloting experience or no, he'd never had a chance.  
  
Quatre stumbled toward the car, as if in a trance. He fell on his knees before the nearly unrecognizable mass of metal, headless of the broken glass. He never even flinched, though fresh blood started to leak out from around his legs. Trowa snapped out of his own trance. Again his new instincts kicked in, and he found himself landing on the ground behind Quatre.  
  
He ran for the blonde, not thinking about the fact that the entrails he just mashed were his own... it was dream, right? Even though he was a good 200 feet away from Quatre, he could hear the smaller boy's voice whisper at first and then start screaming, "...shouldn't've... no... No, it couldn't... it's not real! You wouldn't die like this! It's impossible!"  
  
When Trowa reached Quatre's side, the Arabian was sobbing uncontrollably. Never hesitating, he fell upon the broken glass, feeling the shards pierce the thin cloth of this clothing (the same he wore the day he died) and embed themselves into his skin. Pushing the pain aside, he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy and held him firmly. So used to the action, Quatre leaned against him, and continued to sob without thinking about it.  
  
Suddenly, the realization hit Quatre. Trowa felt his body stiffen in their embrace, and Quatre pulled away, incredulous look in his eyes. "Trowa...?"  
  
Trowa smiled softly, and nodded.  
  
"I... I.. you're alive!"  
  
Quatre clung to Trowa tighter when the taller boy looked away, unable to continue to look into Quatre's eyes so full of hope, "No.. no, Quatre, I'm not... I don't know how to explain it, but this is a dream, but I'm real... I'm dead, but still here."  
  
"You can't be dead!" Quatre wouldn't accept it. Not anymore. It hurt too much.. and with Trowa right here, happiness was once again within his grasp...  
  
"Please.. don't make it harder than it has to be..."  
  
"I don't believe you!"  
  
Trowa suddenly looked back into Quatre's eyes, seeming hurt. "Don't go into denial, Quatre! Don't even start. Would I lie to you about this?"  
  
Tears started to flow down Quatre's pale face once more, "Trowa..." He was overcome with guilt and sorrow. Guilt for making this harder for Trowa, sorrow because there was no avoiding it.  
  
Stroking Quatre's back slowly, Trowa waited for the blonde to calm down. As the trembles began to still, Quatre sniffled and said, "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have let you go. I should have cancelled the conference.. if I had spend the day wi--"  
  
"Quatre." The voice was as stern as Trowa ever was with Quatre. He knew what Quatre would put himself through if he had even the slightest doubt that he had not been at fault. He could not afford to be gentle, not if he could save Quatre from the suffering he would put himself through. "Do not even begin to try to place the blame for this on yourself. You never could have known. There was nothing you could do. There wasn't even anything I could have done."  
  
Quatre was quiet, but didn't look into Trowa's eyes. Trowa gave Quatre a gentle squeeze. "You might not believe it now, Quatre... but it's the truth. I won't let you blame yourself for something you didn't do."  
  
Quatre's eyes glistened with tears, but for once he held them in. "...this is a dream, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"... when I wake up, you're going to be gone, aren't you?"  
  
Trowa began to rock his love back and forth slowly as Quatre's trembling increaced. "I will be dead, but never gone... you should know that."  
  
There was along silence, and both boys took comfort in the 'physical' presence of the other. Then Quatre started to speak softly. "I want to be with you... on the otherside. I know you wouldn't want me to kill myself.. I will wait. Wait until I can be with you."  
  
Trowa knew that it would never work if he explained to Quatre. If he forced him together with someone else by telling him he had to, it would be nothing but a lie. The whole relationship would be hell for them both. "Quatre... you can't stop living because I have. I want you to be happy. I really do. Would you be happy spending the rest of your life alone?"  
  
There was silence.  
  
"I know you Quatre. Please.. don't do that to yourself because of me. I lo--"  
  
Suddenly Trowa was propelled out of the dream. He was sitting with his hand once more resting lightly on Quatre's forehead as the blonde's eyes opened. Rashid was knocking at the door. Pulling away as Quatre told Rashid he was awake, Trowa fell into a chair. It seemed nothing had changed in his love. In fact, Quatre appeared to be more detached and dejected than before, his eyes glazed and still. What had he done wrong? How could he ever get Quatre to open up..?  
  
Quatre had dressed and left the room, and still Trowa's mind was working fervently on the solution... trying to figure out a way, at least, to lessen Quatre's pain. Finally noticing he was alone and that it was noon, he freed himself from that chain of thought. He wanted to comfort Quatre, but as long as the other boy was awake, he did not know if he efforts would be any good. At least the idea was planted in Quatre's mind...  
  
Well, Quatre wasn't the only one he had to be concerned about. There was also Duo... Duo, who seemed to be in a happy relationship already. For what was probably over the billionth time, Trowa wondered why the angel had insisted on this set up.  
  
Trowa did not want to break Duo and Heero apart. It was one of the last things he wanted to do. Both were his close friends. Both would be hurt, although in the end, it would probably be Heero who would suffer the most. Not only was the poor boy unused to his emotions, but if this went according to plan, Quatre would be there for Duo. While the blonde was the type who would want to console Heero as well, Trowa did not think the Japanese boy would take kindly to his former boyfriend's new companion advising him. How selfish was Trowa to seprate the two so he would be granted eternity in paradise with his love? It became a matter of loyalty to his friends, or his love for Quatre.  
  
Quatre was winning.  
  
Trowa stood up, and decided he had to go see Duo. Walking through the wall of the room, he wondered how he'd go about doing it. Luckily, Quatre was staying at his L2 manor. Quatre had started to stay there more often since it was so close to where Duo and Heero both lived.. and since the war, all of them had been close. Even Wufei tried to work out of L2's Preventer office. This was the most the most metropolitan of the L2 colonies, so it was where Quatre's business partners, the Preventer office, and Duo's business were all located. Also, it seemed logical that during this time Quatre would seek solace among friends. At least Trowa did not have to worry about boarding a shuttle and flying to other colonies.  
  
Exiting the high class residential area that Quatre lived at, he found a bus stop. Being unable to be seen by the living was finally paying off, since a bus driver can't charge what he can't see. At about 12:49, Trowa finally found himself near Duo's block.  
  
Trowa suddenly realized Duo might be at work as he climbed up the steps to his shared apartment with Heero. He had no idea if it was the weekend or not, he had no idea how much time had passed since the accident. As he neared the apartment his anxiety was relieved by the sound of loud music. As he passed through the door, the lyrics became clear.  
  
"--st time,  
That we've fallen behind and  
we've faltered to far down"  
  
Trowa looked around the empty entry away, and ventured further in.  
  
"No one could save us"  
  
The living room was also empty. The apartment was a large one, though, so Trowa had several choices on where to look next.  
  
"It feels like the first time,  
and we're standing above them"  
  
Well, it seemed logical to go in the direction of the music...  
  
"And no one can touch us...  
The worst is over!"  
  
Passing through the door to the master bedroom, Trowa found Duo's stereo, the source of all the noise. He also heard Duo singing, and what sounded like water. Trowa turned his head...  
  
Apparently, Duo did not believe in closing the door to the bathroom when he showered.  
  
Trowa whipped right back around, having been treated to an unobstructed view of Duo completely nude. The glass of the shower door had been unfogged and done little to obscure that image, so either Duo'd just got in or he was talking a cold shower... Trowa decided (with a touch of guilt) that if he thought about it anymore, he might need one those, too.  
  
Respecting Duo's privacy, he marched right back out the living room to wait and to think unsexy thoughts. Giving up on that venture, he tried to replace the nude image in his head with one of Quatre, and it worked... eventually.   
  
Once he convinced himself that he was faithful to his love, he decided that there really wasn't any reason Duo would need to use the bathroom door. No one else seemed to be around, and he probably didn't expect people to just walk right through the front door to his apartment and into the bedroom announced... unless, of course, they were Heero.  
  
So, Trowa waited, wondering what he was here for, again... About 30 minutes and six songs later, Duo emerged dry and clothed to Trowa's relief.. and possibly ( in at least one naughty corner of his mind ) , his disappointment.  
  
Trowa noticed Duo was in all black... while this was hardly abnormal, he usually did not coverhimself in it like today. He was wearing a plain black turtleneck with the sleeves reaching down to his wrists, instead of rolled up slightly above his elbows, like usual. He also wore black cargo pants and boots, but they were pretty common things he wore. It was just the shirt that was strange.. and he didn't appear to be in the highest of spirits,. which was strange as well. Duo then glanced over at a picture of all five of the pilots that rested on to of the TV. "I still cant believe it", he murmured.  
  
Oh yea, huh?   
  
Sighing, and faced again with reality, he watched as Duo sluggishly wandered over to the fridge. Trowa wondered where Heero was... it was probably the weekend since Duo was home and not sick or injured. He decided he'd wait around until Heero came back to see exactly what it was he'd be trying to destroy...  
  
...why did it have to be this way..?  
  
~~~end  
  
SnK: *completely serious* The song in there was "First Time", and also a plug for Finger Eleven, my favorite Canadian band... a band that kicks the &*#^ out of a bunch of other bands (Canadian or no) that I'm not going to mention in case any of their rabid fans are around. Worship them... it's as simple as that.  
...  
*grins*...anyway, whaddaya think?  
Quatre+Duo: Trowa!!  
Trowa:...?  
Duo: You snuck in on me!  
Quatre: You snuck in on him!  
Trowa:... he was right there. What was I supposed to do?  
Duo: Try not barging into my bedroom.  
Trowa: It's not like I could have knocked.  
Duo: ...true.  
Quatre:That doesn't explain your preoccupation with him!  
Duo: He's only human.  
Quatre: *sudden Zero glare* You stay out of this!  
Duo:*eeps*  
SnK: ... anyway... want more? Review. It encourages me. I'll try working on it this week, but I usually don't have much time on weekdays... but what's nice is that I actually have this weekend off! So hopefully the wait won't be that long.  
Hwoarang:Yeah.. maybe she'll get it our sometime in April!  
SnK: ... ignore him. He knows nothing. Just review. ... would it help if I said 'please'?  



	3. Giving Away an Angel - Part 2

Kilik: Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing... who would have guessed?  
SnK: Well, befo--  
Heero: ... what is this I'm hearing about Trowa trying to step between me and --  
Kilik:Wait! I haven't told everyone yet about the male/male relationships!  
SnK:Well, you'd think by now they'd know... 'specially if they know anything about what I write.  
Kilik: I'm going to do it right, dam--- I mean, dang it! A friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai , cussing, and angst, I'm sure.  
SnK:Oh , hell yes. Was there ever any doubt? Time to start the ficcy!  
Heero:But I..  
SnK:Too late for talk now!  
Heero: I j--  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 2  
by Shinigami no Kamikaze  
  
  
Trowa sat and watched. Why did he have to get Quatre to fall in love with Duo? Why him? Not only was he happily involved with someone else, but he also didn't think it would work out. More now then before. He watched Duo talk to himself about the quality of the Cheerios he was eating. Quatre listened to Duo's babble before--they all had. But ... what was a diplomatic way to put this? Trowa thought Quatre would rather talk about more meaningful things than the search for the perfect Cheerio. That was only one of the details... he kept asking himself if Duo was sensitive enough... if he could be gentle enough.. to be with Quatre.  
  
Once Duo was done with the Cheerios, he went on to a sandwich... after that came the ice cream bar, and a couple of pieces candy. Trowa watched with amazement as Duo continued to feed himself, and so quickly, too. Wondering if he ate like that every day (even when they'd been on Peacemillion together, though Duo ate a lot, he didn't remember Duo eating that much), Trowa followed Duo back out to the living room.  
  
Duo turned on the TV, and after clicking through the channels so fast Trowa didn't understand how Duo could have any idea what was on any of them, he slapped in a movie, and went back to the kitchen for popcorn. Trowa noticed the lack of bounce in Duo's step, and his more somber attitude... He hated to cause all this pain by dying... especially since he was right here with them, even if they couldn't see.. but it wasn't like he'd had a choice. Sighing, now more depressed than a few moments earlier, he sat on an easy chair looking over at Duo who was sprawled out over the sofa.  
  
Trowa didn't take any notice of the movie. Duo was surprisingly quiet. Of course, what would Trowa know about how Duo acted when he was all alone? But considering how Duo was like when he watched movies with others, and the conversation with himself over cereal...  
  
Trowa watched Duo's blank face... either he was completely absorbed in the movie, or he was totally out of it. Trowa started to become a little angry. He knew he shouldn't... there was nothing Duo had done wrong, really. But he could help it. He couldn't stop it. Maybe it wasn't anger... jealously, then? Jealous because Duo was still alive... jealous that Duo was going to be the one with his arms around Quatre's shoulders... jealous and angry because there was no reason for it. None at all. He'd been violently ripped away from all that had made him happy, and he did nothing but go to a charity performance at a children's hospital!  
  
"Why you?" Trowa said quietly from where he was. He knew Duo couldn't hear. It was better that way.  
  
Giving away Quatre... that's what he was doing. And giving him up to who?  
  
"You don't know anything about him. You weren't there when he nearly drove himself mad. You weren't there all those nights after the war he woke up with nightmares. What have you ever done to deserve him?"  
  
Trowa did not have control over his mouth anymore. These words.. he did not want them to be his, yet he heard them spilling out him. Duo was his friend... but...  
  
"How could you ever empathize? ..Ever hope to understand? You... always so happy.. always so cheerful... how would you know grief and remorse so powerful it chokes the life from you?"  
  
Trowa finally got a grip on himself and his mouth. His eyes were tearing. He did not want to be bitter about this.. did not want to hate Duo because of this. He had to get out of here. He had to calm himself down and think logically about this before he backed out and damned himself to his own personal hell. If this wasn't Hell.... now *that* was an interesting thought...  
  
Trowa got up to leave... to get away from Duo and calm down... to spend some more time with Quatre and to think more of how to at least relieve him of some of his pain before even beginning to deal with Duo again. He did have the rest of their lifetimes to accomplish his mission... but, as he'd learned by experience, the end of life could come without the least bit of warning.  
  
As he turned, he heard something drop to the ground. Looking back, he saw that Duo had fallen asleep. The noise had been the remote falling out of his hand. Trowa hesitated... it was the perfect opportunity to have a glimpse of Duo's subconscious... but what if what he saw made him more set against what he had to do?  
  
After a moment's debate, he decided he had to do it. He knew Duo. He wouldn't see anything that would show any horrible side of Duo's personality that no one would ever guess he had... right? It wasn't like he was some sadistic bastard.... well, couldn't be too careful, ne? Especially not when he was dealing with the well being of his koi. If Duo turned out to be some kind of horrible monster (Trowa knew he wouldn't... but, still) he wouldn't let him near Quatre, no matter the consequences.  
  
Walking back over to Duo, he knelt down, and did as he'd done before. After a sudden freefall sensation, he found himself in what was presumably Duo's dream.  
  
He was in a crowded street. A crowded, dirty, street. No--make that a slum. The polluted air carried with it a horrible stench. It nearly brought tears into his eyes. He walked along, trying to either get away from the smell and press of people or find Duo. He looked everywhere for the chestnut braid that was recognizable from a mile away, but it was nowhere to be found. He finally reached a place where the odor wasn't as bad and where , evidently, a market was set up. The quailty of the goods was pathetic compared to what Trowa had become used to living with Quatre and his perfectionist cook. The sad withered and rotten fruits would never have even been fed to the animals who became the meat Quatre's cook bought.   
  
Then he saw it. A glint of violet caught Trowa's attention. He watched as a small boy glanced around cautiously as he came close to the fruit stand. He was discreet about it, supposedly so he would no be obvious about his intentions. Hands darting out as quick as lighting, he grabbed what he could hide while the vendor was distracted, then calmly walked away, making another quick check to see if anyone noticed him, which would force him to have to try to make a run for it. Then his eyes met Trowa's, and locked. It was the first time Trowa got a clear view of him. Though the hair was filthy, matted, and unbound.. though the body was of a child... the structure of the dirt streaked face and eyes were unmistakably Duo. Duo's eyes widened, and he made a dash through the crowd, catching the vendor's attention at last. The vendor called out, but it was too late. Trowa dove through the crowd after Duo, but Duo's knowledge of these streets was infinitely better than Trowa's, and his smaller body made it easier to squeeze though the crowd.  
  
Trowa got a break. He caught sight of Duo dodging into an alleyway ahead. Trowa pushed his way there as fast as he could, and ran into the alley. It was empty. He'd lost him.  
  
Sighing, Trowa made his way into the busy streets again. People did not seem to take much noitce of him. As he walked, Trowa witnessed violent crimes and saw suffering everywhere. He did his best to ignore the images, knowing it was only a dream...  
  
No, this wasn't only a dream. Or at least, it hadn't always been. Trowa knew nothing as a definite fact about Duo's past. He'd only been able to make guesses from the way Duo acted and the knowledge that he'd come from somewhere in L2. L2 before and during the war in which they had all fought had been known for it's low living standards... but he never imagined it was anything like this. Was this where Duo had grown up?  
  
Trowa continued to walk, hoping to catch sight of Duo again, but mostly thinking. People began to disappear from the streets... they became less crowded. Trowa did not really notice. He was busy thinking... there was so much he didn't know about Duo.... Had he not recognized Trowa? Is that why he ran?   
  
Trowa blinked. There certainly were fewer people around... The noisy street had become so quiet... as he walked, a certain sound caught his attention. It was faint. Trowa hurried in the direction of the noise. He went silently, figuring Duo was at the heart of this, and he didn't want to frighten him off again. As he got closer, he realized what the sound was... it was sobbing.. soft, yet heartbreaking, sobs. Slipping into the alley where it originated, he saw Duo bent over the still body of another boy, shuttering with tears streaming down his face, leaving a notable trail along his face that was cleaner than the rest of it. Trowa noticed Duo was bleeding... his right fist was clenched and blood flowed from it.   
  
Trowa decided to lay low for a moment, to see if he could figure out what was going on. Duo murmured some things, then Trowa made out the words, "..too late..." once before Duo because inaudible again. Then Duo started to scream, "No... NO! Wake up. Wake up, Solo! This isn't funny. ...Damn you, wake up!" Then he started into murmurings again, eyes wide while he shook the body of the obviously dead boy. Duo knew as he called for Solo to awaken that it would never happen. He knew what death was. Death had been a part of his life since as long as he could remember.  
  
Trowa walked into the alleyway, and immediately Duo's fearful eyes shot up and looked at him. The boy's eyes were heavy with pain, shimmering as tears relentlessly pouring down the soul-torn expression his face wore. Trowa immediately stopped... the sight itself was enough to stop any person with any sense of decency in their heart. He'd never seen Duo in so much pain, fear, and uncertainty. He didn't want Duo to run off on him again, so he stayed perfectly still, hands held away from him to show he ment no harm, carried no weapons. He didn't want to frighten Duo anymore than he was already. "It's okay.. I'm not going to hurt you.. Do you remember me, Duo? I'm Trowa."  
  
Duo looked torn and confused. He didn't want to abandon Solo just yet, but he definitely didn't trust this person who was calling him Duo for one reason or another. There were plenty of insane people out on the streets, and there were also the perverts who'd try to sweet talk you into sitting still until they could get close enough to grab you. "S-stay the fuck away!"  
  
Strong words for someone so young, but Trowa'd known them too by that age. Judging from the people he'd seen in this dream... if it could still be called that... Duo probably had had a lot of obscenities screamed at him, probably been talked to with their frequent use most of his life. "Please.. I'm not going to hurt you."  
  
Duo was scared. No one ever paid any attention to him unless they had a reason. He hadn't stolen anything from his guy, he would've remembered the weird hair... At his age, that only left so many things this man could want from him. Not willing to risk it, he murmured his last goodbyes and apologies to Solo and threw aside what was enclosed in his hand. He turned and ran as fast as his legs would carry him.  
  
"Wait! Duo!" Trowa ran down after him. As he ran past the body, he saw what Duo had thrown aside.. a broken syringe. Tucking the information away in a corner of his mind for later thought, he raced after Duo. The much emptier streets made it easier, but Duo kept dodging around every corner he came to. They both knew in that in a straightaway Trowa , with his longer legs, would have the advantage.   
  
Trowa slowed. He hadn't even caught sight of a whisp of Duo's hair in awhile. He slowed, but noted he wasn't that tried for all the sprinting he'd been doing. Once again wandering aimlessly in the streets that were now completely devoid of human life, Trowa sighed. The colony's lighting setting turned to dusk as he thought about this new information about Duo... that look he'd caught in his eyes... he never would have imagined...  
  
Then the ground shook violently, and there was a loud explosion. Then, from all around him, came a horrid, soul wrenching cry... It was the sound of agony. As it come out of nowhere, and rang out everywhere, Trowa did not know where it came from. Panicked, he ran through the streets, searching desperately for Duo...   
  
He turned a corner, and met a fiery landscape. Looking behind him, the empty street from which he'd just come from was consumed with the fire. The flames were everywhere. He started coughing, the smoke stinging his eyes, the intense heat affecting him as well. If this was a memory, which Trowa had a sinking feeling that it was, Duo remembered it very vividly. Over the crackling fires, he heard screaming and moved in its direction. So consumed with Duo's saftey he did not even really think about how Duo could not be physically harmed by this dream, though , for all Trowa knew, he could. Scared when the screaming abruptly stopped, he moved faster. Finally he saw Duo pressed against a crumbling wall.  
  
Duo stared at the flames, body trembling uncontrollably, chanting something too soft for Trowa to hear. Trowa noted a broken and blackened cross smoldering close by. The head of a statue of Jesus was half buried in rubble, one eye staring up at Duo, watching him, condemning him. Shards of stained glass crunched as Trowa got closer, yet Duo did not even glance in his direction this time, despite the noise he made.  
  
All Duo murmured feverishly was, "I'm sorry.. I'm the one who should be dead. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I did this. I caused this. It's my fault... I'm sorry.. I'm the one who should be dead!", over and over. His scraped and bloody knees were pulled up to his bare chest as he shook and rocked back and forth. Trowa could see Duo had been burned, painful blisters oozing blood and puss from the left side of his abdomen... the side Trowa had not seen earlier that day. Tears streamed down Duo's face, but the eyes seemed lifeless.   
  
Trowa went up to Duo, and he did not react at all. Trowa stood directly between Duo and the inferno, and still Duo would not react.   
  
Grabbing his shoulders, Trowa said, "Duo... Duo, it's a dream."   
  
Still Duo did nothing.   
  
"Duo!" Torwa shouted, shaking him lightly at first, and then with more force. "Duo! Wake up! Duo, it's a dream, it's alright! DUO!"  
  
Still no response.  
  
Trowa found himself becoming emotional... how could he have ever known about these things? Ever guessed? Ever known what Duo put himself through, the devestation he'd felt... did he still feel it? Trowa picked up Duo, and he went limp in his arms, empty eyes always looking forward and never blinking even as his head rolled lifelessly. He was so light, as if he were hollow... but then again, this was only a dre--nightmare.. right? ...was it significant?   
  
Trowa wished he could know what was going on in Duo's mind right now. Trowa looked for a way out, to try to get Duo away from his own subconscious. The flames were all around them, though, cutting off escape. Then Trowa caught the sent of burning flesh riding the waves of smoke. Looking behind him, he saw burning bodies, flesh peeling away, though there lifeless eyes seemed unaffected by the flames. They ceaselessly stared at Trowa and Duo. Not knowing what else he could do, Trowa tried to protect Duo from the images by holding the boy so he couldn't see anything more than Trowa's shirt or possibly the partialy collapsed wall he'd been leaning against only moments before. Trowa rocked Duo back and forth, rubbed his back gently, and did nearly everything he'd done for Quatre during his bouts of depression... but they had never been anything like this. How could he reach out to Duo at all? At the very least shock him out of this Hell....  
  
And through it all, still Duo chanted, "... I did this. I caused this. It's my fault. I'm the one who should be dead."  
  
Trowa didn't know how long it lasted. Without warning Duo's eyes darted to something overhead and he shrieked. Before Trowa could see what it was, he found himself falling backwards onto the floor of Duo's apartment as Duo cried out, eyes shooting open. Trowa saw the wetness all around Duo's eyes, and saw that Duo was still shaking.   
  
Duo hadn't had one of -those- nightmares all the way through in awhile. Usually Heero was there to wake him up before it got to far... He sat up, and choked on a few more sobs. He hated it when he went so far in those horrible, horrible nightmares. Collecting himself, or trying to, he sniffled and stood up shakily. He needed to go get cleaned up. As he unknowingly brushed past Trowa, he glanced back up at the picture of all five pilots resting on top of the mantle. "I still can't believe it... shoulda been me." With that, he left the room and Trowa in shock.  
  
Tears misted Trowa's own eyes.. he'd never had any clue... but why did Duo still seem to carry the full weight of whatever it was exactly Trowa had witnessed? Had he told no one of his past... not even Heero? Speaking of which, where was Heero now? It was full dark outside...  
  
Not wanting to leave Duo alone, yet not knowing what else he could do, Trowa turned for the door. Maybe he could talk to Quatre about this in a dream... if his love was in any shape to talk about such things.  
  
  
~~~end  
  
  
SnK:I ended it right there to get this part sooner. *sighs* So much for me to do... but thanks to all who reviewed last time. It never would come out this fast (or probably been this long) without you guys.  
Heero:... am I actually going to appear in this fic, or be missing the whole damn time?  
Hwoarang:Do you actually -want- to be in the fic?  
SnK:Hey!  
Heero:...true. I should just shut up.  
Duo: And leave me to suffer?!  
SnK: If you people let me tal--  
Heero: No, I mea--  
*thunder crash, everyone shuts up*  
SnK:...thank you. Heero, you're in the fic, though I dunno if you'll be in the next part. Duo, you won't be alone in suffering. Hwoarang, don't cause trouble unless you want to spend the rest of the series as a chibi. Everyone understand? *glares*  
*They nod*  
SnK:You people out there, please review. Reviews in my mailbox remind me I should work on my fic 'n' all.... and it's just a nice thing to do. ^_^  



	4. Giving Away an Angel - Part 3

Hwoarang: Oh, actually decided you were going to write somethin', huh?  
SnK:Shut up.  
Kilik: Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing or a sense of punctuality.  
SnK:Shut up! This part took so long because of illness, anime and apathy.  
Hwoarang: I bet it was mostly apathy.  
SnK: Well, since I didn't get so many reviews it just made watching Weiss Kreuz instead of writing my ficcy easier... not to punish those who did review, but that's how it was.  
Hwoarang: That's it. Pin it on your audience.  
SnK: I am not pinning it on the audience! I was being lazy! Okay?  
Hwoarang: As long as you admit it...  
SnK: Since when did you become such a great advocate of the readers?  
Hwoarang: Ever since they gave me pocky.  
SnK:*grumbles* ..sellout...  
Hwoarang: At least I'm not a slacker like you!  
SnK: How could you be? You never do anything at all!  
Kilik:*sigh* Ficcy contains shounen ai, cussing, and angst.  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 3  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
As Trowa made his way back to Quatre's his thoughts were burdened with the disturbing dream he'd seen of Duo's. He wasn't sure what he could do. Quatre or Heero would be the only people he would think could help Duo... but he was supposed to be setting up Duo with Quatre, right? So how in the world was he supposed to get Duo to open up to Quatre if he hadn't done so to Heero already?  
  
Or had he?  
  
How was Trowa really to know? He knew Quatre had had nightmares, but after he'd talked about it and start to put it behind him to bad dreams had gone away as well... he would assume the same would apply to Duo... Trowa just didn't know.  
  
As he walked up the stairs to wait for Quatre in his bedroom, he overheard some of the Maganacs talking.  
  
"How's Master Quatre been taking it?"  
  
"You know he puts on a brave face, who knows what he's going through underneath it."  
  
"If Trowa were still here, he'd know in one glance... "  
  
"Maybe Rashid can do something?"  
  
"I don't know... Master Quatre's been so much quieter since the accident a month ago..."  
  
Trowa continued ahead as their voices faded. It had been a month? Was it a little too soon to start pushing Quatre toward another relationship?  
  
Trowa sighed. The angel was the one who'd chosen this time. He couldn't be wrong, could he...? Damn it, there was just so much he didn't know...  
  
It was 9:30 when Quatre came back. When he entered the door, he looked completely exhausted. He'd been strained emotionally ever since the accident... he didn't let anyone know how much grief he was in. He didn't believe he could afford to. Some people depended on him, other would prey on him... he had to remain strong.  
  
Trowa watched quietly as his little one got ready for bed. Quatre wasn't thinking of much else. He was so tired he just wanted sleep. His weary mind didn't even remind him that sleeping meant dreaming, and dreaming meant nightmares of that horrible, horrible scene. Nightmares where he was abandoned... where there was no one out there that could save him, help him, hold him...  
  
Immediately after Quatre settled into his silk sheets he feel asleep. When Trowa saw his love's breathing relax, he knelt beside the bed and reached his hand out.  
  
---  
  
Quatre was busy working at his desk. Trowa wondered if he could keep Quatre from having bad dreams by getting to him soon enough... only one way to find out.  
  
"Quatre?"  
  
Quatre looked up. He was stunned. "Trowa...?" Trowa was dead, wasn't he? ... wait a minute. Wasn't he on his bed just a second ago? Was this a dream...? Even so, Quatre was shocked. Yestarday's dream was the first time he'd ever dreamt Trowa as being alive. Yet here he was, again.  
  
Trowa nodded slowly. "Did you think about what I told you last night?"  
  
Quatre sighed. "Yes... it was on my mind all day... and even if you are just figment of my imagination... I... I guess you're right. I can't isolate myself... but... I just don't know where to begin! Everything... when I realize you're not around.." Tears were in his eyes.  
  
Trowa wrapped his arms around Quatre, feeling the little Arab shaking and sobbing. Quatre hadn't let this out, and it was about time he started... Trowa knew that this wasn't going to be the same as if he were one of the living. When Quatre woke up, he would think of this experience as simply a dream... he needed to open up to someone who could really hold him and be there for him at any time instead of whenever he happened to be sleeping.  
  
Quatre began to calm down a little. "Why don't you begin by talking with our friends? Are they that hard to approach?" Trowa asked.  
  
Quatre tried blinking the tears away from his eyes unsuccessfully. ".. you mean the other Gundam pilots?"  
  
With another nod, Trowa said, "Yes... we've all been through so much together. We're close. Why not try starting with them?"  
  
"I... I don't know if they... if they'd listen. I don't want to force myself on them."  
  
"Quatre, they're our friends. Of course they'd listen. Heero might not be the one you'd want to talk to... he's not very experienced with emotions... and Wufei can be a little harsh unintentionally .. but what about Duo?"  
  
Quatre managed a weak little smile. "You think he'd be serious about it?"  
  
Trowa sighed mentally. Only hours ago, he would have doubted that as well. "We were all in that war. We all know sorrow..."  
  
Quatre looked at him inquisitively. "Trowa, is there something you know that I don't?"  
  
Trowa looked away. Both of them needed help so badly... each would need someone strong to support them. But who would be the first to snap? Who would need the strength of the other first? "I have reason to believe Duo is not as happy as he appears to be... but I think he'll tell you when the time is right." Trowa hoped... but doubted. If Duo had kept his mouth shut for this long (quite a feat for Duo), then there was no real reason to think he'd volunteer the information to anyone. But Trowa didn't want his love being worried over someone else when he was in bad shape... but was he doing the right thing in putting Quatre first? Or was he doing this because he was bias?  
  
"...if you say so. Do you really think I should talk to him?"  
  
"I know you have to open up to someone. Can you think of someone better?"  
  
Quatre glance down at his desk in defeat. "Alright... but between then and now, can we..." Quatre blushed.  
  
Trowa's eyes widened a bit in realization. "...I dunno Quatre... you have to get used to me not being around."  
  
"Please?"  
  
Now it was Trowa who was defeated. Not that he had wanted to win. "It's your dream..."  
  
---  
  
Trowa sat in the corner of Quatre's business meeting, waiting for it to get out so he could observe Quatre and Duo's meeting. Quatre had promised to visit after this early morning meeting, if Duo was available. Of course with... everything.. that went on last night, it had slipped his mind to ask Quatre if he knew where Heero was.   
  
Trowa wondered if he'd forgotten because he had wanted to forget... forget that he was planning to steal Heero's boyfriend away from him. Forget that he would possibly end up breaking Heero's heart... especially when, as he'd told Quatre, Heero didn't have all that much experience with emotions. What would it be like for him? Would Heero go back to the way he was before? Could Trowa bear the guilt of doing that to him?  
  
Could Duo?  
  
There were too many considerations in this! The angel was insane, that was all there was to it. Or sadistic. Or not an angel at all....  
  
Trowa didn't even want to start thinking that way. It was all too complicated. He wished he'd never gotten into that God damned car.  
  
Finally, the meeting appeared to be ending and the people dispersing. Some of the men in suits came to talk with Quatre, and after about half an hour the room was entirely empty... except for Quatre who set at the head of the table.  
  
Quatre was contemplating everything once more. He was anxious, but he didn't know what of. Duo would never hurt him (intentionally..). But it had been just a dream, right...? Dream or no, he'd made a promise... he was stuck. He had to go.  
  
Reluctantly, Quatre stood up and headed for his car.  
  
---  
  
Duo opened the door with one of his usual grin in place. When he saw Quatre, though, he toned it down quite a bit. Quatre looked out of it... which was lot better than Duo thought he'd look like if Heero died. He asked softly, "...Quatre...? .... are you alright?" Duo then got angry with himself for asking such an idiotic question. Of course Quatre wasn't alright! But Duo didn't let his anger reach his outer expression... For whatever reason Quatre came here, he didn't want to scare him off.  
  
Quatre quivered when he looked into Duo's eyes. There was something about the violet depths when they weren't masked with manic glee (...not that the manic glee didn't have it's charms...). He wanted to fall apart right there. He couldn't stop the tears from misting his eyes... he couldn't gather enough willpower to answer Duo's simple question, or to even say some sort of greeting or give an explanation as to why he was here. He was frozen in place.  
  
Luckily, Duo took the initiative. He gently placed an arm around Quatre and guided him inside, shutting the door. "... come on, Quatre.. let's go where we'll be comfortable and undisturbed." He said in the same gentle tone.  
  
Trowa stepped through the door a moment later, and followed Duo and Quatre into the bedroom. After sitting Quatre down on the bed, Duo shut and locked the door. That way, if Heero did get back , he sure as hell wasn't going to bother them without making an effort to do so. Hopefully, he'd take the locked door as a hint.... otherwise, he might just go ahead and bust the door down.  
  
After doing that, he was quickly at Quatre's side again. To his surprise, the blonde reached out and grabbed him, burying his face in Duo's shirt and sobbing. While taken off guard for a moment, Duo soon recovered and wrapped his around the smaller boy, rubbing his back, saying soothing words, and offering what comfort he knew to provide. He did (nearly) all the things he sometimes wistfully wished Heero would do for him.  
  
Trowa watched from a chair. How he wished it could be him there... he wished he could run his hands through Quatre's platinum hair... he wished he were still alive.  
  
Duo didn't really know what to do. He wanted to reassure Quatre, tell him it would be okay, and that the pain would lessen after awhile. But he couldn't. Everyone he loved died (...except for Heero), and it still hurt as badly. So, how could he tell Quatre it'd be alright? It would be a lie, and he didn't lie  
  
Of course, Quatre hadn't caused Trowa's death. That could be the critical difference between their situations.  
  
For the moment, Duo kept saying what was practically gibberish, but said it softly and sweetly in a calm voice so it did help Quatre to begin to calm. Duo decided to wait until Quatre was able to speak himself before he started to say things that made sense.  
  
Slowly, the sobs were lessened and the Arabian started to pull himself back together. When they died down, Duo was quiet to allow Quatre to talk if that's what he wanted.  
  
"...I'm sorry, Duo."  
  
Duo was confused, "... what do you have to be sorry for...?"  
  
"Quatre sniffled. "...well, I just came here unannounced, then right when you open the door I just fall on you, crying... an--"  
  
"Quatre, it's perfectly alright. I'm here for you, don't you know that? I'm curious as to what took you so long to visit." Duo smiled softly down at Quatre, who was still leaning against him.  
  
"... he's gone, Duo! Why? Why, after everything, did he have to die in a car accident? Why was he taken away?" Quatre cried mournfully.  
  
Duo was hesitant. He was so inexperienced at this... Quatre didn't deserve to suffer like this. "... Quatre, I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but sometimes things just seem to happen, and no one can see any reason for it. You may never have any answers to those questions... but what makes the answers so important to you?"  
  
"I... I don't know... we had so little time together, Duo... " Quatre clung a little tighter to Duo, tears threatening to come to the surface again.  
  
"But what about the time you did have together? You should mourn, Quatre... but you shouldn't mourn forever... you can't spend the rest of your life grieving for what you've lost.. you have to cherish what you had." Duo had no idea if what he was saying was right. He just seemed to be saying things. He felt so horrible about trying to guide Quatre when he was lost himself, but how could he push Quatre away? How could he damn Quatre to what his life had been? Possibly.. what it still was.  
  
"How? How, when life seems so empty?"  
  
Duo sighed and shook his head slightly. "I don't know, Quatre... I don't think I can answer that for you. I'm sorry..."  
  
Quatre clung to Duo tightly. "I... I can't let go... every night I see Trowa in my dreams.. most of the time, he'd dead... recently, he's been alive... it was like he really was alive. It hurts so much to wake up alone.. so alone." Tears started to pour down Quatre's face again.  
  
Trowa started to think he was wrong for disturbing Quatre's dreams. But how else could he protect the blonde from the pain? Which was worse, to be in his dream and force him to wake up to harsh reality or to let the dreams run their course, and have him awaken in tears?  
  
'So Quatre has nightmares, too?' Duo thought to himself... but Quatre no longer had anyone to wake him up from them. Duo would never tell Quatre that they 'were just dreams'. He knew how horrifying dreams could be.   
  
"You're not all alone. Heero, Wufei, and I are all here fro you. We can't take Trowa's place, but you. aren't. alone...." By the time Duo finished his third sentence, Quatre was crying again. Returning to what he'd been doing before, he rubbed the boy's back and said soothing things.  
  
When the sobs quieted once again, Duo looked down and saw Quatre was asleep. Duo wondered if there was a way to untangle Quatre from himself without waking him.  
  
Trowa saw Duo's expression and guessed what he was thinking. "Oh, no you don't... I need you two bonding, and you're not going to do that if your ass is on the couch, Duo." He was generally upset because of the condition of his love, and wasn't really thinking much about anything else other than Quatre and making this work so he could spend eternity with Quatre.  
  
Almost as if he heard Trowa, Duo sighed and laid down the Arab still in his arms. Duo decided it wouldn't be right if he just abandoned Quatre after Quatre was so distressed about being alone. In fact, now that he thought about it, it would be a pretty asinine thing for him to do. This way, he could wake Quatre if he started to have a disturbing nightmare.  
  
Or vise versa.  
  
As soon as both boys were settled and asleep, Trowa walked over. He wondered if he should enter one of their dreams, or just watch over them from here... but then Trowa realized he was exhausted himself. He hadn't slept at all since he'd arrived... although he didn't want to, he knew he was going to have to eventually (since apparently, even without a body, he needed rest) , so he walked through the door and out to the couch, where he lay down and instantly fell deep asleep.  
  
So deep was his slumber, he didn't notice when Heero came in the door. He didn't hear Heero pick the lock to his bedroom. He didn't see Heero turn right around and leave.  
  
~~~end  
  
Heero: ... I'm not even going to sleep on the couch? It's my damn couch. If anyone sleeps on it, it should be me, not Trowa.  
SnK:It's about 1:00pm... why would you want to sleep?  
Heero:... maybe I'm tried from whatever it is I've been doing. Can you at least let me know what it was?  
SnK:Trust me, it's nothing major.  
Heero: ... damn it. Not only am I getting cheated out of Duo, but I don't even know why I'm ignoring him.  
SnK: Shut up, or I won't write any sort of fluffy ending to Forgive me... I can continue to put that one off, too, you know.  
Heero: K'so!  
SnK:Aaaaanyway. Want me to write more? Want me to write a lot faster? Then do me a big favor and review. Reviews encourage me.  



	5. Giving Away an Angel - Part 4

Hwoarang:*munching on pocky*  
Kilik:Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing. She owns very little... *blinks* Hey, where'd you get that!?  
Hwoarang: *grins at him but continues to munch*  
Kilik:Kaaaaaaaze-chaaaaaan! Hwoarang has pocky, and I don't!  
SnK: *glares at Kilik* Stop whining, Kilik... *sighs* This whole series has gotten it lousy. I'm sorry it's been taking me so long to write these parts, and this time it was due to technical difficulties. Not that I'd've had much time to write before now, anyway. In fact, had it not been for my reviewers, I would be watching Rurouni Kenshin or sleeping right now (sleeping is a hobby mine that I usually only have time for on the weekends). Aaaaanyway, enough with the delays. At long last, the next part of Giving Away an Angel!  
Kilik:A friendly reminder to readers, this fic contains swearing, angst, and shounen ai.   
...  
...Kaze-chan, I want pocky!  
SnK:*clamps hand over his mouth* Let's try this again. No more delays! *glares at Kilik* None! *lets him go*  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 4  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
Trowa slowly awakened from a dreamless sleep. Blinking, at first he forgot where he was and what had happened. Alarmed, he shot up, wondering why he wasn't at home with Quatre. Blinking slowly, realizing he was in Duo's home, it all came back to him. The fact he was dead, his mission, what had happened ... was it yesterday? Or only a few hours ago? How long had he slept?  
  
Fully alert now, Trowa saw that the door to the bedroom was slightly ajar. Going to investigate, he saw Duo and Quatre still sleeping in each other's arms. It didn't looked like they'd moved... so why was the door open? Hadn't it been locked earlier?  
  
A little anxious, Trowa searched the rooms. Nothing was out of place. Figuring it wasn't anything to really be extremely worried about, he went back to watching the two sleeping beauties (he had to admit that Duo was attractive.. very attractive). Glancing over at a clock, he figured they'd only been sleeping for a couple of hours. While he had been exhausted when he'd fallen asleep, he felt fully rested now... wondering what to do, he simply waited for the two to wake up and see what they'd do next.  
  
After awhile, Trowa began to notice a light sheen of sweat form on Duo. He began to stir, and Trowa was sure he heard a whimper. It wasn't surprising if Duo was experiencing something similar.. or the same.. as what he'd seen earlier in Duo's dreamscape. Trowa was unsure what to do... try to wake Duo up, sparing him from the rest of the dream and Quatre from the knowledge of Duo's nightmares (apparently, they were recurrent), or try to go into Duo's dream again and calm him down that way?  
  
Well, considering his complete lack of effectiveness the last time he tried to communicate to Duo from inside his subconscious, that left one choice.  
  
Sneaking up to Duo's side, Trowa tried recalling what the angel had said about his ability to affect real world things. He had to concentrate... but on what? Should he try thinking about his hand actually becoming solid or the actual tugging at Duo's arm? Hearing Duo whimper again, louder and more urgently this time, Trowa decided to stop thinking so much and just start trying things.  
  
First he waved a hand thru Duo's shoulder just to make sure he was still as intangible as he always was. Then, focusing solely on his hand and what it would feel like when he touched Duo, he tried to push him a little. Trowa did hit solid flesh, but a glance at Duo's face told him he hadn't succeeded in awakening the American. This time trying to focus on shaking Duo awake, he held his hands right above Duo's shoulder's and concentrated once more. Bringing his hands down when he thought he was ready, his arms simply went straight thru. Suddenly, Duo's head thrashed to the side, and Trowa saw close up the pained expression.. he knew he had to wake Duo up immediately.. Duo was his friend, and he didn't want to see him in that kind of pain... not again...especially not when there was something he could do to stop it. Bringing his hands down again, he was able to connect, and he grabbed Duo and shook.  
  
Duo's eyes shot open, and he gasped. Quatre, due to the fact he was entangled in Duo's arms, had also been moved around by Trowa's efforts, but was so out of it the simple shake had not woken him. Trowa watched as Duo shuddered slightly, for a moment clinging to Quatre a little tighter. Looking down, Duo realized it was Quatre there, and not Heero. Duo's grip relaxed, and he mumbled softly, "Sorry, Quatre...". Then he realized Quatre was still asleep...   
  
Duo was confused. How had he woken up? He never awoke on his own until the 'end' of the dream. Glancing back down at the platinum haired boy in his arms, he wondered what he was going to do now. He didn't want Quatre to feel abandoned... but he didn't think it would be very helpful to Quatre if he fell asleep again and woke up screaming...  
  
After mumbling another apology, Duo quietly slipped out from the bed. Duo looked back at the bed sighed as he took a moment to absorb the sight before him. The light that seeped through the half-closed windows made Quatre's hair shimmer, as well as moisture still around Quatre's eyes. He did not appear to be in the middle of a troubling dream, though his countenance still conveyed his melancholy... like he was, he had the face of a sad angel.  
  
"...and I didn't think you took time to appreciate beauty", Trowa said softly from where he was sitting.  
  
Duo hurried out, and Trowa followed, wondering what Duo was up to. When he caught up to Duo, the braided boy was already using a chair to reach a cupboard he couldn't have otherwise. From there, Duo tossed a couple of boxes down onto a table nearby. Trowa walked over to investigate as Duo hurried to up the chair away. Trowa was surprised...they were tea boxes. He didn't think either Duo or Heero would like tea... of course, it wasn't like it was stored in a very accessible area of the kitchen.  
  
Duo had already placed a teakettle out on the stove to warm the water up, and now he joined Trowa at the counter to look through the tea.  
  
"Green tea... that one we got from Wufei... uhh... earl grey... whatever that is.... this herbal orange mandarin stuff isn't bad... ain't great, but I'm not one for tea.... of course, these are all probably from much cheaper sources than Quatre's used to.... but, can't have everything...", Duo rambled to himself, absorbed in examining the boxes.  
  
Trowa looked through the selection as well. Then he looked back up at Duo's face. Duo was completely concentrated on finding the right tea... Trowa was learning a lot about Duo by just being here.   
  
He'd never spent too much time alone with Duo while he was alive, now that he thought about it. By impressions, Trowa had assumed many things... and he hadn't even realized he'd done it. With shame, he came to realize he'd always passed Duo off as a shallow person. A shallow person with a good heart, but no real depth... he'd never even attempted to look beyond that image...  
  
Now that he did... Hell, he never would have thought Duo would have done this for Quatre on his own. Trowa didn't think it would have ever occurred to him... he didn't realize Duo could be so .. thoughtful. He had thought Duo did everything on mere impulse... I mean, why else would he be such a loudmouth when he was captured and at the mercy of the whims of the soldiers there?  
  
But thinking the way he was know, he realized there could have been another explanation. Had Duo been attracting attention to himself to be sure the others would be left alone? Was it his way of protecting them?  
  
"...ah, to Hell with this... guess I could bring one of every kind 'n' let Quatre pick...", Duo then whipped around to face the pantry to find something or other.  
  
Trowa stood where he was, almost coming to tears... such a simple gesture made by Duo, and yet it was so profound to Trowa. Now he knew he'd been misjudging Duo all along, and it was too late to change things.  
  
"...what do you even eat with tea...? ... doubt Quatre'd be hungry though... I think he looks a little thinner than normal..."  
  
Trowa paused... he hadn't even noticed! Who was he to claim eternity in paradise with Quatre, when he did not even notice such a simple thing as that?!   
  
Trowa stayed quiet and thought things over as Duo tossed a box of crackers onto the counter before moving over to the refrigerator to get some cheese, sliced salami, plus fruit. Really, Duo was pretty much grabbing what was right in front of his face...   
  
Trowa began to talk as Duo got a tray to put everything on so he could carry it back to his bedroom.   
  
"I'm sorry, Duo. I'm sorry for everything...", He began quietly, "I don't even know if you understand how I've wronged you... but trust me, Duo... I have... and you don't have any idea how ashamed I am. And I can't even make things right now... it's too late.. I'm dead... and I can't even reach out to you in dreams...".   
  
Duo remained oblivious to Trowa's heartfelt apology as he tried to hurry with his preparations for when Quatre woke up... because he wanted to be there for Quatre if he started to have nightmare or got up on his own... Then Duo paused.. what if the tea got cold before Quatre got up...?  
  
"... that's what the microwave's for..", he muttered as he continued again to set things on the tray.  
  
Trowa sighed once more. "...Duo, I wish I could have gotten to know you.... I'm sorry I never took time to when I was living... it was my mistake, and now it's my loss. Forgive me."  
  
Duo suddenly looked up, directly at Trowa. Trowa's heart froze. Duo couldn't see him, could he? Glancing back behind him, Trowa knew there was nothing really to see back there... but looking back at Duo's expression, he now noticed it was completely lost in thought.... and Trowa found himself drawn to Duo's violet eyes.... Trowa could see so much more in them, now... breathtaking, glistening pools of a hidden sorrow.. masked pain. Eyes of a tragedy... it was so wrong. Someone like Duo shouldn't suffer like that! Trowa began to feel something tugging inside him... but the moment was suddenly interrupted by the screeching of the kettle on the stove, which caused Duo to jump and rush to take it off so the thing would shut up.  
  
Trowa watched idly as Duo finished setting up the tray, and left for the bedroom, going as fast as he could without spilling anything. He was too much in shock to move.. he distinctly remembered that feeling that had just pulled at him. He'd felt it once when he'd caught Quatre's gaze once... before he had understood and accepted his feelings about the Arabian.  
  
What did it mean? ...was he in love with Duo?   
  
'No... don't be stupid... like you just said, you never really knew Duo... how could you love him?', one mental voice said.  
  
~But you didn't know Quatre, either, when you felt that tug before...~ argued another part of his mind.  
  
Trowa suddenly felt confused and overwhelmed... he knew he loved Quatre. Nothing would ever change that... but all these thoughts.. with the possibility of him loving Duo, too... Damn it, it wasn't supposed to work this way. Quatre was supposed to be the one to fall in love with Duo. Not him!  
  
Trowa tried to shake off all his confused thoughts and feelings... a little tug at his heart didn't necessarily mean love. It could mean nothing. He was making too big a deal of it! Anyway, he needed to concentrate on what he was doing... He wasn't important... the relationship between Duo and Quatre was.  
  
He walked into the bedroom just as Quatre began to stir, to witness silently the exchange between them.  
  
When Quatre's eyes fluttered open, they met abnormally quiet violet ones. Quatre remembered what they'd been talking about earlier, and so guessed that was the reason for Duo's uncharacteristic somber expression. His sleep had been a dreamless one, so he was able to manage a slight smile, hopefully to cheer Duo back up. Quatre began to wonder if it was wrong to dump all his problems on Duo.  
  
Duo smiled softly in response to Quatre. "Good afternoon, Quatre. Thought you might want something to eat when you woke up, considering it's past lunch, 'n' all..."  
  
Quatre sat up, and looked curiously at the tray Duo had brought in.  
  
"...sorry, we don't have much of a selection right now... food tends ta go fast around here." Duo commented as Quatre noted the selection of teabags Duo had laid out... why had Duo gone to the trouble...?  
  
"Thank you, Duo." Quatre, as Duo had predicted, wasn't feeling all that hungry. But the tea would calm him down, plus it was a small comfort... and he needed every bit of security and familiarity he could get. He picked out a teabag and placed it in the mug Duo had provided, while Duo plucked out one and did the same. They sat silently, and Quatre watched with mild interest as wisps of color seeped from the teabag. Duo intently kept his eyes on Quatre, still very much concerned for him... though he tried not to be too obvious about it.  
  
It wasn't too long before tears started to slide down Quatre's cheeks.   
  
"Quatre..?" Duo wanted to make things right for Quatre, but heaven knew he couldn't even make things right for himself.. the blind leading the blind.. but what else was he to do? There was no chance in Hell he'd let Quatre suffer the way he had.. and in many ways, still did... If anyone had to suffer, it was Duo himself who should bare that burden...  
  
Quatre couldn't look up... look up and see eyes poisoned with his own sorrow. He shouldn't have come.. he shouldn't have involved Duo. Duo didn't deserve that. "I... I'm sorry, Du--"  
  
Duo sighed inwardly.. Quatre always tried to take the blame. "Sorry for what? Quatre, you have done nothing wrong."  
  
Quatre chanced a glance up. "I... I just.. I don't want to unload all my problems on you.."  
  
"Quatre, friends aren't only around when things are goin' great for you. They're there in good times and bad... people who are only around for your victories are opportunists and are using you." Duo began, though the simple statement made Quatre think. He was used to people looking to him when he was doing well and they weren't doing so great... but those people all magically vanished when things started to take a turn for the worst. But he'd never thought twice about it, really...  
  
"And, Quatre, I am your friend. I'm here for you, and I want to help you." There was desperation in Duo's eyes. He had to make Quatre understand before he ended up just the same way Duo himself was.. or worse. "If you think you're protecting me from some kind of pain or sadness by keeping these things locked up inside yourself, you're not. It would hurt me more if you suffered though this on your own... what if you ended up destroying yourself? What would that do to me?" Duo seriously doubted Quatre knew the repercussions.. how badly he would take it if any more people died on him.  
  
Trowa's death had made the nightmares so much more vivid then they had normally been... probably dulled somewhat by age. His death had reopened the still healings wounds, and Quatre's death could potentially deal the final blow. True, he had Heero, but the little emotional support Heero knew how to provide would probably, in the end, only convince him not to kill himself physically. What he meant by final blow was the final blow to his sanity. He had carried his guilt and pain with him for so many years, it was bound to wear him down... and another death of someone close would destroy the delicate equilibrium he had going for him now.  
  
  
"I know these times must be harder for you than me... but you're not the only one grieving for Trowa... I would be hurting because of that regardless of you're coming to see me today." That caused Quatre to pause. He hadn't even thought about that... he was so stupid, so selfish! Quatre lowered his head, feeling ashamed, but Duo promptly lifted it back up to look him right in the eyes.  
  
"Quatre, you can't let this eat away at you from the inside!" Duo knew what would happen if Quatre did that, if he allowed it to continue to the point where he was dead on the inside (the very thought of that happening to Quatre repulsed him). Duo knew that was like, to be dead on the inside... your mind defensively numbing itself to all feeling to keep you from pain. So many years of acting like the person he used to be... it was second nature by now. "If you can't confide in me, then talk to someone else. But whatever you do, don't let this eat away at you internally!"  
  
Quatre's eyes misted as he listened to Duo, and soon after tears began to run down the sides of his cheeks again. He wanted desperately to open up to someone completely, to feel secure and confident once more. but he found he couldn't do it... not only did he not feel right dumping his problems on others, but he felt almost as if he were betraying Trowa in some way. What Duo said was perfectly logical, but feelings never conformed to any sort of logic..  
  
Duo went to hold the blonde as he began to break down again, but before he could do so himself, Quatre threw himself back into Duo's arms. Duo held the shaking Arabian, and once more did what he could to comfort him.   
  
When Quatre got a hold of himself again, they stayed silently in each other's arms. Duo felt strangely calm and content, and didn't particularly want the moment to end. Quatre felt safe, and was equally unwilling. But finally, he spoke up, "I should get back before people start to worry..."  
  
"...or start to talk." Duo said, managing a slight grin.  
  
Quatre smiled softly back. "Duo...", he chastised halfheartedly. They were quiet for a few seconds, the Quatre added, ".. I'll come back later, and we can talk, if that's alright with you..."  
  
Duo smiled genuinely, "Of course it is. Look forward to seeing you, Quatre." He reluctantly let his arms fall away from Quatre and stood up. "Come on, I'll see ya to the door."  
  
Quatre got up, and they walked without comment to the door. Trowa followed behind. He observed as Duo and Quatre exchanged goodbyes before Quatre left. 'At least their friendship is stronger.. I think. It's something to go from, I suppose.', he thought to himself.  
  
Trowa looked back at the apartment building as Quatre made his way back to his home. Trowa decided he'd check on Duo soon.. but he wanted to see if his little angel was a little more at ease now that he'd begun to share a bit of his sorrow and grief...  
  
---  
  
Heero was completely confused... unsure... lost...  
  
He sat alone in a library... it was the only quiet place he knew about that wasn't at his home... with _them_.  
  
A rational part of his mind told him that there were a million completely innocent reasons for what he saw... but its voice was lost in the torrent of ideas and images the insecure part of his mind was producing.  
  
Heero was still so new to understanding his emotions. He needed Duo to help him and guide him.. Duo was always so helpful, so loving, so patient, so... well, he could go on for days. How could Duo betray him? ... why would Quatre....?  
  
Again, rationality tried to reason with Heero, but insecurity dominated his thoughts. He knew nothing about these emotions of his... jealousy, bitterness, anger, rage... they all suddenly bubbled up to the surface. Sure, he'd dealt with these emotions before... but not all at once, not when they were so strong, and the most important fact-- not where Duo was concerned...  
  
Heero was terrified of losing Duo. He couldn't... he simply couldn't. It wasn't an option. What would he do without his sweet Shinigami?  
  
He couldn't sit idly by while someone else tried to steal Duo from him...he had to act... but how?  
  
---  
  
SnK:...uhh... I need caffeine. I oughta quit now and get myself some before my writing gets worse.  
Hwoarang:... how could it get worse?  
SnK: Silence.. I'm tired and not in the mood to deal with -you-.... heh, it sounds like Heero may actually play a worthwhile role in the next part... but who knows. It's not like I act logically all the time.. or at all.  
  
Anyway, do you want more? Do you want me to attempt to get the next part as fast as my unreliable computer will let me? Then please review. Reviews help remind me to get off my lazy ass and write ^_^  
  
  



	6. Giving Away an Angel - Part 5

Kilik: ... Shinigami no kamikaze doesn't own... oh, what's the point? If you don't know she doesn't own Gundam Wing by now, you're a lost cause.  
SnK:So many ideas, so little time... ah well, since I hate it when I have to wait forever for the next part of the fics I like, I suppose I'll work on this one...  
Hwoarang:Your enthusiasm is astounding.  
SnK: ... heey, I'm tired... leave me alone... or you'll regret it.  
Hwoarang: OooOOOoo... I'm so scared--  
SnK:Remember when I turned you into a pink bunny? I'll do it again. In a bigger, better and more humiliating way.  
Hwoarang:*shuts up*  
SnK:Ahhh... silence. ... ... ... ... ...too silent. *turns on stereo and blasts it*  
Hwoarang:*groans loudly*  
SnK:*glares*  
Hwoarang:*smiles meekly*  
Kilik:*shouting over the music* This fic contains swearing, angst, 'n' shounen ai!!!  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 5  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
Duo was in front of the TV, but didn't pay any attention to the car chase on at the moment. Normally, he'd be completely absorbed... but not now. Not with all he had to think about...  
  
Quatre was a mess, he knew that. He just didn't know what to do about it. He wanted so desperately to help.. but what could he do? He himself hadn't found a way to dull the pain of his losses... Damn it, he couldn't stand this helplessness, this uselessness! The only reason he had lost all those people so long ago was because of his own shortcomings... was history going to repeat itself? He couldn't allow that to happen! But what was he going to do?  
  
This thoughts raced, but never went far... only in an endless circle. He became angrier with himself... felt guiltier... and just when he thought he was going to break down, he heard a key in the lock.  
  
It could be only one person. Heero!  
  
Duo collected himself in a hurry, and shot up from his seat. He hadn't seen Heero since he'd left on that damnable business trip a week ago. Duo hated the fact his love was always being dragged off to one colony or the other to teach idiots how to use Heero's company's software, but his aggravation always melted away under his lover's touch...  
  
The door swung open, and Duo fought the urge to take a step back. There was something different about Heero. It was obvious to Duo, though anyone else might not have recognized that look in his eyes. Such rage... barely under control... seething under the surface of the Prussian blue eyes.  
  
"Heero.... what's wrong?", Duo asked quietly, instantly worried about Heero.  
  
Heero's response could only be described as a growl. He glared at Duo, eyes filled with rage. Over the past few hours, his fledgling emotions had been exaggerating the incident further and further. Insecurity worked hand in hand with imagination to create a scenario of infidelity spanning months... maybe years. Heero had no idea of the truth, and was being controlled by emotions he hadn't grown up with. Duo's claim to ignorance upset him further. How could Duo not know what was wrong?!  
  
"Hee-chan..." Duo's worry and anxiety started to increase with his partner's continued silence. He'd never seen his normally stoic koi so angry. "Please, tell me..."  
  
"You..", Heero hissed, "...and Quatre."  
  
Duo was confused, to say the least. What about him and Quatre?  
  
Heero saw his love's dumbfounded look, and was in a generous enough mood to jog his memory. "This afternoon... you looked quite ..comfortable.. together."  
  
"What!?" Duo's eyes widened at Heero's implications as he tried to remember what could have even given Heero that idea. Then he recalled when Quatre had fallen asleep in his arms... Heero must have seen them. Anger began to flare up inside of Duo. Did Heero really trust him so little?! But he kept himself calm. There was no need for this misunderstanding to blow up even bigger than it already had by letting himself lose it. "Heero, you're getting upset over nothing! Quatre just came over because he was upset over Trowa's death... I was just comforting him when he fell asleep! I was tired, too, and I didn't see the need to wake him, so I ended up falling asleep, too. Nothing else happened. Nothing else!"  
  
Heero crossed his arms. Just how stupid did Duo think he was? "And how long have you been 'comforting' him, huh, Duo?", Heero spat out.   
  
Duo's jaw nearly dropped in shock at Heero's continued accusations. "I can't believe you! Don't you trust me at all?" Duo cried, hands clenching into fists. "Nothing happened. I wouldn't do that... you should know that!"  
  
"How long, Duo?", Heero persisted.  
  
"Are you even listening to me? Nothing has been going on." Duo then added quietly, venomously, "Of course, you'd already know that..., " then he started to scream, "...if you were ever here with me!!!"  
  
---  
  
Quatre sighed wistfully as he brushed his fingertips over a picture of Trowa. A small smile graced his lips when he thought about when the picture had been taken... shaking hsi head slightly, he started to go back to looking over a financial report.   
  
Trowa sat watching from a chair. He was in a little better mood than before. He could tell that part of the weight Quatre had been carrying around on his shoulders had been lifted. But Quatre was far from healed... although it was a good start, and he couldn't exactly expect Duo to be able to magically heal his love... even Trowa couldn't do that.  
  
While he'd taken time to simply watch his little angel, he'd also spent a lot of time thinking about Duo. The self-styled Shinigami was on his mind, and wouldn't leave him alone. He knew he didn't love Quatre any less... and he didn't love Duo more.. that is, if he loved Duo at all. Was he just making too much of it? That tantalizing image of Duo in the shower came to him now and then, and he wondered if it was just lust... but ever since he started thinking about Duo in this new light... Oh, he was so confused!  
  
"Aaa... Quatre... even if I were alive, I don't suppose I could talk about this with you... but, what would you do? What you do if our positions were reversed?"  
  
Of course, Quatre didn't respond. By now, he'd let himself become completely lost in his work. It was an opportunity to relieve himself of his grief when he didn't have to think about anything but figures and estimates.  
  
"Well, Quatre... if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go check up on Duo.", Trowa said softly as he stood up, and turned to walk through the door.  
  
---  
  
"I don't have to take this! I think it'd be best if I gave you some time to think _alone_", Duo shouted, then turned around and walked into the room Heero and he shared, in search of his coat. Maybe he could crash at Quatre's place... or Wufei's. Otherwise, he could just stay at some motel. He sure as Hell wasn't going to stay here and listen to this shit!  
  
Heero froze in place. He went so far as to hold his breath as Duo stormed off. Did Duo mean he was leaving? Terror gripped him. No! No, no ,no... Duo couldn't leave! Heero couldn't be left all alone and abandoned, especially not with these emotions raging in him. He _needed_ Duo. He needed Duo to guide him. He needed Duo's love and reassurance... he'd be completely lost without him. Duo. could. not. leave.  
  
The prospect of Duo going away broke the last remnants of self control Heero had. The soldier in him knew only method to solve problems.  
  
Duo exited their room with his coat on and a small backpack filled with a couple of things he'd probably need, though he'd thrown it together in a rush. He walked straight up to Heero, who had not exited the entryway. "Get outta my way", Duo demanded.  
  
Heero snapped. He grabbed Duo by the shoulders and practically threw Duo back into a wall. Duo's back hit the wall full force with his head not far behind. His back exploded with pain as his head ached horribly. He dropped to the ground, shocked and suddenly afraid of his lover Heero. He'd _never_ been afraid of Heero, even before their relationship started... even when Heero'd held a gun on him. Before his mind could fully process what was going on, Heero was on him again.  
  
Pent up anger and confusion drove the perfect soldier. He started to blindly kick at Duo's body, landing a few blows in his stomach, one catching Duo's arm and breaking the bone. Duo instinctively tried to protect himself by curling up into a ball, legs drawn up to protect his already throbbing torso, arms protecting his head. It did no good as Heero's powerful blows quickly forced his defenses aside. Duo choked on his cries, tears flowing unchecked as the only person left alive he loved beat him mercilessly, finally screaming in pain as Heero showed no signs of slowing.  
  
Heero grabbed Duo's broken arm by chance and used it to drag Duo up. The pain blinded Duo momentarily, as he was hauled up onto his badly injured legs. He coughed uncontrollably, tasting the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. Each cough shook his body, the movement agony for his broken ribs. Knives of pain lanced through Duo with any movement he dare make, his vision reduced to blurry patches of lightness and darkness. There was no chance of Duo being able to stand under his own power, so Heero held him in place against the wall by his neck.  
  
Duo's eyes cleared somewhat, and he dared to look into Heero's eyes, and didn't see any trace of the person he knew as Heero there, just the anger and frustration of the many years when Heero hadn't permitted himself to feel... the events of recent finally causing a breakdown in Heero's tentative control. Duo tried to say his name, to reach out to the Heero he knew, somehow... but when he opened his mouth Heero tightened his grip, cutting off Duo's words and his breath. Then Heero struck the right side of Duo's face, immediately snapping his fist back and coming across his other cheek. Heero tossed Duo to the floor, and turned toward him. Duo's vision once more cleared enough for him to meet the glare Heero was giving him, and his heart froze. Duo knew he was going to die. Before Heero could lay another finger on him, the Japanese was thrown to the floor himself. Duo did not see anything else. The darkness was too strong for him, and he slipped quietly away.  
  
  
  
Trowa had not thought, he had simply acted. At the same moment Heero had raised his fist, Trowa had walked through the door. For a moment, Trowa was frozen in horror as he saw Duo's beaten and bleeding form beginning strangled by Heero... to see the look of anguish in Duo's eyes and to see him try to gasp for air in vain... to see someone he loved be hurt by someone they had trusted, someone he had also called friend. When he saw Heero ready to harm Duo further, Trowa forgot all about his condition... he simply went to stop Heero.  
  
Trowa tackled Heero, and started to pound in his face. When Heero had gone after Duo, Duo'd had no chance... Duo didn't have the kind of hand-to-hand combat training Heero did, knowing better how to avoid such confrontations than to hold his own in one. Besides, there was Heero's abnormal strength to deal with. As Duo'd had no hope then, Heero had none now. He could not even see Trowa, and as Trowa was dead and intangible, had no way to fight back or harm Trowa in any way. His strength meant nothing, especially compared with Trowa's, as Trowa's strength was not constrained by the limits of a frail corporeal body. The strength of his emotions... his fledgling and growing love for Duo, his hatred and rage... was what was determining his strength, and what was allowing him to interact with things in the living world at a level that would normally have been impossible.  
  
Heero trashed at whatever force kept him pinned down uselessly. One of Trowa's punches broke Heero's jaw, making pain flood all his thoughts and forcing his rage level to go down as his panic level started to rise. Another strike broke his nose, a third caused him to lose consciousness.  
  
Trowa's prepared to strike Heero again, for daring to hurt Duo like that... for what Heero had done, Trowa was quite ready and willing to kill. In fact, that was what he was planning to do. But something held him back, and he looked over at Duo's still form. Heero was worthless... it was Duo Trowa cared for and needed (in so many ways..). Since Heero was no longer a threat to Duo, Trowa abandoned him and ran to the unnaturally still boy.  
  
Terror gripped him when he realized Duo was not breathing. Quickly he looked for a pulse, and he thanked every deity he knew the name of when he found it. Without wasting time, he held Duo's nose as he leaned forward to seal his lips over the American's and breathed. It was only then, in the back of Trowa's mind, he realized he hadn't been breathing since he'd returned ..until now.   
  
One more breath, and Trowa pulled back to check and be sure Duo's heart was still beating. He kept at it.. two breaths, check for a pulse, two breaths, check for a pulse... tears misted Trowa's vision as he worked, not wanting to think of the consequences if Duo died. He simply couldn't let Duo die this way, he didn't deserve that! And Trowa couldn't fail, not if he hoped to see either Quatre or Duo ever again...   
  
Trowa lost track of time.. lost track of everything. Only Duo and he existed in the world... until, finally, Duo's body shuttered. He began to cough up more blood, and Trowa's heart froze. Then the American began to take shallow breaths on his own, his chest rising and falling unevenly.  
  
Trowa wanted to grab and hug the braided boy, but he knew that things were far from over. Duo was in no condition to be moved... and no matter how strong his feelings for Duo were, he did not have the power to speak... to call for help. What could he do? Try to drag one of the neighbors in ...? But these people were the same assholes who did not react to the noise undoubtedly caused the beating Heero had given Duo! Could he get Quatre to come here...? How, and would he make it in time? Could Trowa even dare to leave Duo alone?  
  
~~~end  
  
  
SnK:Okay, everyone... hope I didn't screw up the story entirely for you! And sorry for not warning you about the violence.. all I did was discreetly up the rating. But I didn't want to practically scream out what happens in this chapter...   
  
Anyway, if you're still interested in the story, please review. Reviews encourage me and get me to write chapters faster... but if I get none, that'll tell me interest in this story is dead, and then I just might start killing lots of people just to end the series as fast as possible so I can move on to other things. So please review!   
  
Oh yea, and thanks for reading ^_^  



	7. Giving Away an Angel - Part 6

Kilik:Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing. Who could have guessed?  
SnK: ... ... ... ...  
Kilik: Forgive her, we're waiting for the caffeine to kick in.  
SnK:: .... .. ..... .. .... . .. *narrows eyes and glares at Hwoarang* ... ... .  
Hwoarang: That's very nice, 'Kaze-chan... but we don't understand Trowa speak.  
Quatre: She says "Sorry for not bringing this part out sooner. And shut up, Hwoarang."  
Hwoarang: Where the hell did you come from?!  
Quatre:*shrugs*  
SnK:Anyway, people...most of my computer time recently has been wholly consumed with work. It angers me much... and by the time I do finish, I usually have to give up the computer to the person who owns the other half of it. But just think... if there were no reviews, I would have put this fic off, and you'd be lucky to see this part out by mid-June. Once finals are over, then I should have more time to work on fics... working on this 10 minutes every other day goes by so agonizingly slow...  
Kilik:A friendly reminder, this fic contains angst, shounen ai, and cussing.  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 6  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
  
Quatre felt a sudden rush of pain. He clutched the front of his shirt and squeezed his eyes shut. What was this? It was so strong, so clear, so intense... it could only be someone close to him if the feeling was this acute. There was so much pain... the only comparable experience was when Trowa had died, only a month ago....  
  
Then everything drained away. Something had happened to whomever it was... they were either unconscious or-- Quatre didn't want to think about the alternative. It couldn't be that. He didn't know if he could handle it if he had to lose someone else!  
  
Quatre stood shakily up in his seat. He had to find out who it was, and fast. He stumbled out of the study, intending to search for someone to help him...   
  
The person whom he'd felt the pain from could only be one out of three people, really. He didn't imagine it could be anyone besides Duo, Heero, or Wufei. They were the only ones left who could understand him; the only ones that he would have such a strong connection to.   
  
"Master Quatre!," he heard from behind him. Turning, he saw Abdul rush up to him. "What's wrong, Master Quatre? You look so pale!"  
  
As quickly and in as few words possible, he told Abdul he needed to find out if Heero, Wufei, and Duo were okay... one of them was in trouble. Abdul ran of to follow Master Quatre's wishes... he'd seen him this way one month ago, and he'd be damned if he'd see it end the same way that incident did!  
  
---  
  
Trowa didn't have time to waste pondering the best course of action. He could stay with Duo, but there was very little he was actually able to do for him. He could keep him alive for awhile, but how long would it take before anyone discovered them? He could look for someone close by... but how could he convince them to enter the apartment? And then there was Quatre... Trowa hesitated another second as Duo's chest rose and fell unevenly before making a decision.  
  
He had to do something, he couldn't sit by and watch Duo die... He would seek Quatre.  
  
His mind made up, he murmured an impromptu prayer to a God he wasn't sure he still didn't believe in, and ran out the door glancing over his should one last time at Duo.   
  
Getting to Quatre's mansion was a blur. Had he been asked how he'd gotten there, he honestly wouldn't know. He was concentrated on one thing, getting Duo help.  
  
When Trowa found Quatre, there was a group of Maganacs in a loose circle around him, while others were on phones. Quatre looked shaken, and when Trowa caught the look in his eyes he realized Quatre must have felt something with his empathy...  
  
Wait.. if his emotions were worked up to a point where he could interact with physical objects without concentrating, then could Quatre sense him even though he was awake? Empathy was something the angel had never spoken to him about... but Trowa had nothing to lose by trying.  
  
"Quatre, it's Duo!", he screamed in Quatre's ear. Quatre's eyes widened, and he looked around confused. Trowa's was hopeful... then Quatre seemed to dismiss it. Maybe Quatre hadn't even heard him? Not willing to just give up, he had to try again.  
  
"Duo!!", Trowa shouted louder than before, and Quatre paused. If Quatre knew who it was in trouble, maybe he'd get there in time...   
  
"Everyone, be quiet!", Quatre cried out. Silence immediately followed.  
  
"IT'S DUO!!!", Trowa shouted with everything he had. 'Please, Quatre... hear it and trust me...', he thought to himself.  
  
Quatre was frozen in place, a heartbroken expression crossing his face for a moment as he could have sworn he heard the voice of his dead lover. "Trowa..?", he breathed. But he did not allow himself to dwell on it... if what he heard was true, then something was terribly wrong with Duo. And they didn't have time to waste.  
  
"...Duo.. it's Duo.., " Quatre said softly. Then he just rushed out the door, intending to go to Duo's apartment. Rashid and some of the others followed, never questioning Quatre's actions.   
  
---  
  
Steeling himself for the worst, Quatre tired the door, and found it unlocked. Throwing it open, he was rendered immobile by the sight that lay ahead. Duo was in a small heap not too far ahead, battered, bleeding, and barely breathing.. but that wasn't all. Heero was also sprawled out on the floor, unconscious.  
  
Luckily, his body acted without the aid of his mind (for his mind was too far gone in shock, despite his effort to prepare himself). Quatre ran for their phone to call for help, and a couple Maganacs who knew a little about first aid came forward to do anything they could for Duo and Heero until the EMs could arrive. The rest held back, not wanting to get in the way.  
  
Trowa sat waiting by Duo, having been a step behind Quatre on the way over and gone directly to the braided boy once they'd reached the apartment. Once he was sure everything that could be done for him was being done, he could allow himself to be angry again. He looked over at Heero with hate. He should have just killed him.  
  
What angered Trowa further was the fact no one knew what Heero had done. No one probably would even guess. The thought of just killing Heero right here and now entered Trowa's mind, but he stopped himself... and he wasn't entirely sure why.   
  
Deciding not to waste anymore time thinking about _him_, Trowa turned his attention back to Duo. One of his eyes appeared to be swollen shut, bruises defacing the rest of his visage. Blood trickled down his face from the corner of his mouth, and Trowa was alarmed to see a small amount of blood pooling behind Duo's head that he hadn't noticed before.   
  
Quatre ran over to check on Duo first. Kneeling down beside him, Quatre lightly placed a hand over one of Duos, hoping not to hurt him or make things worse... They had only been talking this afternoon! How had this happened? Why?! Quatre was confused and panicked. He felt a tear slide down his cheek, and impatiently brushed it away. He tried telling himself Duo would be fine... that he didn't have to worry... but he felt like he was going to be sick. Who would do this to Duo? To Heero?  
  
Quatre had to force himself away from Duo so he could check up on Heero. Heero's nose was obviously broken, and blood was still flowing down his face... What heartened Quatre a little was that, unlike Duo, his breathing seemed strong, steady, and regular.   
  
Returning to Duo's side, he stayed there, practically trying to will Duo into not dying. He couldn't bare lose anyone else.... especially not Duo. He was the only one Quatre got the feeling could truly understand what he'd been going through. He was the only one Quatre felt like he might be able to open up to.. He was the only one who might be able to keep him sane.  
  
After what seemed to be an eternity, sirens were heard outside. Soon, Quatre found himself being pulled away from Duo. Quatre let himself be dragged away, even though he did not want to lose sight of Duo. He knew he'd only get in the way. He waited as they tried to stabilize Duo some, and as they carefully hoisted him onto a stretcher to carry him out.   
  
Unknown to Quatre, he was not alone where he stood. Trowa was with him, not willing to let Quatre suffer by himself.. even if Quatre didn't know he wasn't.  
  
A second EM crew had also come for Heero, though Trowa paid them no mind and Quatre paid them little. Quatre might have felt guilty about being more concerned for Duo had he been thinking more clearly.  
  
As they started to leave with the two, Quatre demanded to know what hospital they'd be taken to. Each replied District 9, and Quatre watched helplessly as both Heero and Duo were carried off. He did not remain idle for long, and soon he, Trowa, and those Maganacs who'd accompanied him were heading for the District 9 hospital.  
  
---  
  
Heero opened his eyes slowly. It was dark in the room he was in, and he wasn't sure why he was there. He blinked a couple of times, trying to clear his horribly aching head and thoughts.   
  
"Hello, Heero." Quatre's voice softly filtered over from somewhere over to his right. Heero would have turned his head to see, but even the slightest movement of his head incurred such a throbbing that he didn't think it was something he should be doing, or that it was something he wanted to do.  
  
"..what--?" Heero began, but found that talking hurt too.   
  
"You shouldn't try to talk too much.. your jaw's been broken, though the fracture isn't bad enough to warrant having your mouth wired shut," Quatre explained when he saw Heero flinch.   
  
".. If I broke it that badly, you couldn't tell everyone what an asshole you are." Trowa said bitterly from the corner. Although he wasn't usually the type to talk when he didn't have to, considering no one could hear him, it hardly mattered. He really should have hit Heero's face hard enough to require his mouth be wired shut... hell, he should have killed him.  
  
"Do you really not know why you're here? ...I was hoping you knew.. no one else has a clue...", Quatre murmured quietly.  
  
Heero thought about it, but could recall anything with his head pounding like someone had hit it with a sledgehammer. "...no.."  
  
Trowa sat in his corner, growing angrier and angrier...  
  
"You wouldn't know what happened to Duo, either, would you...?" Quatre asked quietly.  
  
"Something happened to Duo?!", Heero exclaimed before he really thought about it, then winced as he paid for it.  
  
Trowa couldn't believe it. "You're what happened to Duo," Trowa hissed as he shot up in his place. "Don't you dare claim you don't know that!" He could rip Yuy's heart out for what he'd just said. But he got a hold of himself quickly. "You're just lucky Quatre's in the room with you... I won't kill you with him around."  
  
Quatre hesitated. "Duo was beaten and badly injured... he's still in surgery."  
  
Heero didn't know what to say... and then his heart froze. He was starting remember, dimly... and once one memory poked through the curtain of pain in his mind, another one appeared, and another, until they were all gushing into his head.  
  
Oh, God.... he didn't... he wouldn't... what had he done?!?  
  
"....Heero...?" Quatre questioned as he felt Heero's sudden confusion, guilt, and self-hate. He usually didn't feel things so strongly from Heero. Was it he head injury? The fact he was so near him? Or did whatever Heero felt have something to do with Duo?  
  
"...get out.", Heero said with an abnormal quiver in his voice.   
  
Quatre had never heard Heero voice waver. Neither had Trowa.  
  
"Heero, it---", Quatre started.  
  
"Leave!", Heero ordered more harshly, not even feeling the pain in his jaw. He was too much in shock.  
  
Respecting Heero's wishes, Quatre got up and left. Trowa walked up to Heero's side, still debating on whether or not just to kill him here. Seeing the look in his eyes, Trowa decided that it would be Hell enough for Heero to sit there and not know if Duo would live or die due to the damage he'd inflicted upon his trusting lover. But Trowa still couldn't bring himself to be at all sorry for him. So after glaring at him a few moments with unmasked disgust, he left to find Quatre.  
  
---  
  
Quatre sat in the waiting room, and it seemed like he had, unmoving, for eons. He had no idea how long it had been since Duo had gotten here. It was late, and Quatre knew he should probably try to get some rest, but he couldn't. Not whenever he thought about Duo... about him hurt.. about him dying.   
  
The wait was going to drive him insane. The waiting room was going to drive him insane. The incessant ticking of the clock on the wall and the occasional orderly walking through the hall with a supplies cart were the only noises he ever heard. He had tried to read one of the magazines... but nothing was interesting. He couldn't even pretend it was interesting him. He tried turning on the TV now and then, too, but that didn't work any better. All it did was make for noise... and yet it never managed to drown out that damn clock.  
  
He was alone here. He'd sent the Maganacs home. There wasn't any need for them to be here.   
  
It was amazing how much he noticed the little things. The aforementioned ticking of the clock, the way the corner of the chair dug into his leg, a spot of dirt on the opposite wall. Things, if he were in a normal situation, he wouldn't have ever noticed.. and he wouldn't have found himself so annoyed with them.  
  
He shot up in his seat when the door opened, and when he looked over, it was Wufei.  
  
Wufei managed a small smile in greeting. "Hello."  
  
Quatre tried to mask his disappointment, and returned the smile, even if his was a little weaker. Not that he wasn't glad to see Wufei... but he'd rather see the surgeon. No matter what the news, at least he'd _know_.   
  
"Hello, Wufei.", Quatre said softly. Wufei knew and understood Quatre's disappointment, and wasn't insulted at all. As he went to sit next to the blonde boy, Trowa walked in the door.   
  
Trowa had tried observing things in surgery, but it made him feel sick (even though he hadn't eaten since he'd died..). He'd seen things in his life that would be considered much more gruesome, but the fact it was Duo's vital organs just.. there... Well, he found he couldn't take it. So he'd listened apprehensively with his back turned on them all. Trowa knew that Duo and stopped breathing at least once, and from the sounds of their voices, that it hadn't been the only close call. He'd abandoned trying to listen in on them.. he simply couldn't take the stress.  
  
"Have you seen Maxwell?", Wufei asked quietly, Quatre hearing the anxiety in his voice.   
  
Wufei had been informed that Duo was in the hospital in critical condition and Heero was there but stable when he got back from a mission. He'd already gone and seen Heero, who'd immediately screamed at him to leave. Not questioning as to why Yuy would do such a thing, Wufei had left quietly, figuring it had something to do with the condition of his love. Wufei himself had no clue as to Duo's condition...   
  
He and Duo may have had their differences, but that didn't make him any less of a friend. Often times he longed for their arguments, for so often they were made in jest. Besides Sally, most of the people he worked with at the Preventers were boring. He never realized he'd miss Duo's endless chatter so much. And now, with Duo possibly dying on them, he regretted not seeing him in so long when he was based barely 20 minutes walking distance from Duo's apartment... he had always thought there would be more time. Duo was not a person you thought of even being capable of dying...  
  
"...yes", Quatre sighed, "I was the one to find him and Heero in their apartment... Duo.. Duo was in really bad shape." Quatre began to shake, and he couldn't get a hold of himself. All the mental and physical exhaustion of the day was starting to show. "H-he... he... there were so many bruises on his face... and blood coming from his mouth and the back of his head... and .. and he could barely breathe on his own... couldn't see much else of him... his clothes hid any other bruises or cuts.." He felt tears start to stream down his cheeks. He'd managed to keep them inside for awhile, but now there was no stopping it.  
  
Wufei berated himself. He should have realized... with Trowa and everything... that his question would effect Quatre so strongly.   
  
Even though Wufei was inexperienced at doing such thing, he put an arm around Quatre in an attempt to comfort him, while saying gently, "I am sorry that I asked, if it pains you to remember. But Maxwell has survived too much to let this kill him now."  
  
Quatre smiled shakily at him, "I hope you're right."  
  
"Me too." Trowa said from his seat on the other side of Quatre.   
  
After Quatre calmed down a little, he said just slightly louder than a whisper, "Are you the only one coming here?"  
  
"I tried to get a hold of Schbeiker, but that woman is no where to be found... and the rest are too far away to make it here in a single night." Wufei replied.  
  
Then there was a silence... except for the clock that had began to annoy Wufei as well... until, at last, the doctor appeared at the door. Both Wufei and Quatre said nothing, but eagerly waited the surgeon's report.  
  
He seemed a little hesitant. "We believe the operation on Duo Maxwell has been successful... but he appears to be comatose. In all honestly, I lost count of how many times we nearly lost him on that table... considering the delicate nature of the work we did on him, I can't safely upgrade his condition to stable... but you are allowed to visit him, Mr. Winner, as you are listed as family." He looked up at Wufei. "... are you also related to Mr. Maxwell?"  
  
Wufei simply nodded.  
  
"Then I can take you to his room now, if you wish."  
  
Trowa didn't stay conscious to see or hear any more. He was so relieved to hear Duo had survived the surgery he didn't give thought to the fact he wasn't out of the woods yet. He passed out right there in the waiting room.  
  
~~~end  
  
  
SnK:Ah ha! That only took 3 weeks of work!  
Hwoarang:That's a pretty sad 3 weeks.  
SnK:Isn't it? Well, give me a break, I've been finishing projects, researching, and typing papers all damn month, it seems. My fingers hurt from the endless typing. My vision is blurry from lack of sleep. Be happy you have any part of this fic at all!  
Hwoarang: Cranky, much?  
SnK:One more word out of your mouth, Hwoarang, and I will make sure you are enslaved in a grape-stomping chain gang by a bunch of deranged monks.  
Hwoarang:*is confused, but shuts up*  
SnK:Ahh... now that that's over, please review... Reviews are good for lots of things, but they're especially good at reminding me to get off my sleep-deprived ass and write.  



	8. Giving Away an Angel - Part 7

Kilik:Shinigami no Kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing.  
SnK:...but I've got 7 Deathscythe [in one form or another] models!  
Hwoarang:That's only because you've got problems, 'Kaze-chan.  
SnK:Not the kind you're probably referring to, but yes, I do have problems.. mainly with my word possessor, ISP, and keyboard ...lotza shit has happened between the last part of this fic and now (I'm really very sorry for the loooong wait). But believe me when I say I got this out as fast as was possible for me.  
Kilik:This fic contains shounen ai, cussing, angst, blah, blah, blah... haven't you memorized this already?  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 7  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
Duo sat alone. He didn't know why he was there, how he got there, or where 'there' actually was. He couldn't remember very much... all his memories seemed very hazy...  
  
'There' was on the sidewalk of an empty street Duo would have placed on his home colony somewhere in L2 if he could remember clearly. As it was, it seemed like a normal street that was strangely empty. No people, no cars, not even litter. The street did not appear clean, far from it... the buildings appeared dilapidated and graffiti was everywhere.   
  
Just as Duo was beginning to adjust to the landscape, he saw a boy emerge from the shadows of an alleyway ahead of him start to approach. Duo remained where he was, sitting on some steps...  
  
"....Solo?" Duo asked with bewilderment. The sinister smile and nod he received as a reply sent a shiver down Duo's spine.  
  
"...Know why you're here, killer?" Solo's words caused Duo to flinch.  
  
"..no."  
  
"... Do you know what it's like to die, Duo?" Solo asked with unnerving clam.  
  
"..no."  
  
"It hurts... and it just keeps on hurting," Solo said as he began to unbutton his shirt. He exposed his chest to reveal the rotting flesh and writhing maggots that festered there. "Death's been unkind to me."  
  
Duo looked away.. he couldn't bare to see Solo, of the closest friends he'd ever had in his life, like that. He was struck hard enough across the face to knock him down onto the unforgiving concrete steps.  
  
"Don't look away! This is what you've done! Do you deny it? Do you deny you are Death?", Solo's voice called from somewhere above him.  
  
"..it wasn't my fault," Duo said meekly, realizing now it was a dream.. another horrible dream. But he couldn't wake up on his own.. if only Heero would wake him.  
  
Solo broke out into hysterical laughter. "You idiot! You want the one who put you here to save you? Hah! No chance of that happening."  
  
"W-what...?" Duo picked himself from off the steps to look back up at Solo.   
  
Solo returned the look as he smiled, "You don't remember? I'd've thought you'd've figured it out. You know anyone who gets close to you ends up hurting you in one way or another. Ain't that right? ...I mean, my death hurt you, didn't it?"  
  
Duo tried to ignore him. Solo made no sense... at least, Duo didn't want Solo to make any sense. What the hell was he referring to, anyway? ..It didn't matter. Nothing he said mattered. It was nothing but a nightmare and if he didn't listen it couldn't hurt him anymore, right?  
  
"Think about, Duo. Think about it real hard. Think about Heero. Don't you remember anything?" Solo pressed as Duo broke eye contact, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.  
  
"..Shut up. You're not real. You're dead!", Duo cried.  
  
"Come on.. what's the problem with thinkin' about your _lover_ boy... unless, of course, there's something about him you're trying to avoid..."  
  
Duo refused to reply. He could wait this out. He had to wake up sometime.   
  
Solo eventually broke the silence,"...well, then. I suppose he knocked the whole incident right out of your pretty little head."  
  
Duo looked up at Solo wide eyed... no.. Heero wouldn't do a thing like that.  
  
There was that same sinister little smile, "I can't say I'm surprised..."  
  
Heero slamming him into the wall.. Heero kicking him.. Heero strangling him.. Heero striking his face...  
  
"...he did hit you hard."  
  
Silently tears started to flow down Duo's cheeks.  
  
"Remember now, do we?" Solo said as he gazed down at Duo's trembling form.  
  
"It's a dream-- no, a nightmare! It's. not. real." Duo said fiercely.  
  
One of Solo's eyebrows arched, "Oh yea? Then how do you explain this?"  
  
With his last word Duo's body exploded with pain, every nerve on fire. He cried out and fell bonelessly to the steps. Duo looked over himself to see the dark bruises over his skin and certain bones directed in way they were not supposed to go. He didn't feel the pain from specific wounds... he just hurt.   
  
A tear rolled down his cheek... Heero had done this. He could remember now. Heero had done this to him.  
  
---  
  
"Who would do this?" Quatre asked as he gazed at Duo's unconscious body. The EKG monitor bleeped and several tubes were pushed into one of his arms that lay exposed over the thin blankets of the hospital bed. The other arm was in a cast. Blankets and his hospital gown covered up most of the rest of him, except for his bruised neck and face.  
  
"I do not know," Wufei said solemnly, the gravity of the situation truly driven home by the sight before him. "But I'll find out."  
  
Quatre looked up at him sadly, "It isn't Preventers jurisdiction."  
  
"No one at the agency would stop me... and the local authorities will have to deal with any problem they have with it." Wufei's eyes narrowed, "I will find out who did this."  
  
Quatre sat down in a chair, fully prepared to stay put until the American awoke. Wufei, now having seen for himself Duo's condition, wanted to do something.. needed to do something. He could not let anyone get away with hurting his friends. He couldn't do anything for Duo except for try to catch who'd ever done this. He expressed this conclusion verbally.  
  
"...then go, Wufei. I'll be here for him when he wakes up" '..if he wakes up...' ".. and I'll get a hold of you when he regains consciousness or if things.. turn for the worst," Quatre said quietly, eyes never leaving the American's body.  
  
Wufei sighed, not liking to leave Quatre alone, especially with all that the little blonde had been though. He had to remind himself.. Quatre was stronger than he appeared. He would be fine... at least, Wufei hoped he would.  
  
"Alright... I'll let you know if I find out something worthwhile, " and with that, Wufei was out the door.  
  
Quatre was left alone with Duo for the first time since he had left his apartment.. was it only this afternoon? It seemed like years ago..  
  
Tears stung his eyes. Of all people, why Duo? And why then?! Why couldn't he have stayed at the apartment longer.. why couldn't he have been there for Duo like he'd been there for him.. why, why, why.  
  
A tear escaped his eye. "I'm sorry Duo."  
  
The beep of the heart monitor reminded him of the horrible reality of Duo's situation. Even with so few words, so few actions... Duo had become his lifeline. Duo held him in reality, and veered him of the path he was heading... one that retreated into a world of grief and self-pity. If Duo died...  
  
"Please live. For both of us."  
  
---  
  
Heero reflected on what had happened. H e couldn't think of anything else. He was so confused, horrified, guilty, angry and worried his mind would not work properly. All these feelings at once would have overpowered anyone, but with Heero's inexperience with dealing with these things, he was completely lost.  
  
Guilt. Such powerful guilt and despair.. it was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It had started gnawing at his mind the moment he'd realized what happened.. and it kept growing. He knew his injuries were only to his head, really... but there was this horrible weight in his chest, and it threatened to smother him. Not that he'd mind.. just to seek relief from the burden of what he'd done..  
  
What had happened to him? In those few moments what had caused him to do such a thing? He hadn't meant it! He would never hurt Duo intentionally.. at least, that's what he had thought. The memories of when he'd... beaten.. Duo; he felt so detached form them. He could only remember one thing.. he'd been so afraid.. so afraid Duo would leave him.   
  
Heero opened his eyes and took a respite from his chaotic thoughts when he heard footsteps pause outside his door. He eyed the door and watched as Wufei walked in for the second time, but before Heero could order him out once again, he spoke.  
  
"I need to know what happened, anything you can remember. We cannot let the assailant get away with what they've done to you and Duo." Wufei said sternly.  
  
Duo... Heero shuttered slightly and involuntarily. He still hadn't quite faced what he done... how could he possibly tell Wufei about it? But the overriding question was, "How..is.. Duo?"  
  
Wufei looked away, and Heero's heart nearly stopped. "He's in a coma.. but his operation appears to have been successful. Or at least that is what I have been told."  
  
It was a small comfort to know he was at least still alive... though if he would stay that way...  
  
"Heero... what happened? What do you remember?"  
  
Heero was silent. What should he say? What could he say? "..I..I don't... remember... anything... concussion...", he forced the lie from his hurting face.  
  
If Wufei knew... well, then Heero wouldn't get the chance to deal with this himself. Oh, yes... Heero was going to make sure the person who hurt Duo suffered. It was of no consequence that the person was him.. he knew what he would do if it were anyone else. Why should he make an exception for himself?  
  
Wufei sighed, "It can't be helped... but if you do remember anything.. anything at all... tell me." He looked Heero straight in the eyes, "I'll find them. I'll make them pay." With that, he slipped out.  
  
Heero closed his eyes and fell into that void of pain and guilt amassing inside of him, "No... you won't."  
  
'But don't worry... I will.'  
  
---  
  
"Peace or pain. It's your choice, Duo. Death offers you a release from this world and its devils. Life offers you continued torture at the hands of those you love the most. Which will you choose, the mercy of death or the agony of life....?"  
  
---  
  
Trowa stirred in the waiting room. He blinked heavily. How long had it been? Where was everyone..?  
  
It had been the second time he'd been unconscious, in all the time he'd been sent back to earth. It happened each time after he'd interacted with something in the living world... so that ability didn't come without its own price. Nothing in life... or death, it seemed... was free.  
  
Wandering out into the hall, he went on the lookout for any information he could find on where Duo was. Catching a glimpse of a nurse's duty rounds, he saw Duo's name, and went to find his room.  
  
Upon entering he found Quatre asleep, damp trails of tears still on his cheeks. Both he and Duo had been through so much...  
  
Walking up to Duo, tears threatened to fall from his own eyes. "If I got there sooner... if I got help faster..."  
  
Trowa closed his eyes, willing the tears back. He felt so helpless. By some miracle he managed to stop Heero and lead Quatre to Duo... but that was only situational. All the rest of the time he could do nothing but observe... always watching, not participating. What good was he when he was dead?  
  
He placed a hand on Duo's forehead. Then he wondered.. if he could talk to people while they slept, could he talk to Duo even though he was in a coma?  
  
Trowa hesitated. Even if it was so, what could he really do? Last time he'd done what he always did... he watched. But... he might as well try. Phasing his hand into Duo, he felt he was falling...  
  
---  
  
"Shut up!", Duo cried as loud as his weakened state allowed him to. He couldn't take any more of Solo's alternating accusations and promises of peace, promises to make it all right... Especially not now. Right now, he wasn't sure he could take anymore of anything. He felt so betrayed, so lost, and so hurt...   
  
Duo's vision was blurred with tears and his throat raw from sobs, hurting even more because of the bruises Heero'd left there when he'd... The thought was too painful to complete and made him choke on another sob... He tried not to think about it anymore... He had a decision to make.  
  
Duo stood at the precipice of death, and it wouldn't take any effort just to let himself fall. It took effort just to stay connected to whatever it was he was connected to. While technically not suicide, just giving up on life was not something Duo would normally do. But considering his entire world was destroyed, happiness and dreams decayed and gone to dust, what did he have to lose but pain?  
  
"Duo, you have to make your decision sooner or later. If you wait too long, you'll die anyway." Solo said quietly. "You know your life has just been one large mistake. If you'd died like you were supposed to with all the rest of your family, all those people you cared for would have lived. Why'd you go and push your death onto their innocent shoulders? Well, you can finally correct that mistake... or you could go back to being punished in the living world. You get to decide if you live or die. I didn't. You decided for me, didn't you Duo?"  
  
"... J-just shut up." Duo looked down into the chasm that appeared in the street when he was give the chance to decide his fate. Apparently, this was his visual representation of death... funny, he would have thought it would have been a light.   
  
Maybe the chasm dropped straight into Hell. He wouldn't have been surprised. But at least there would be reason for him to suffer in Hell... not this agonizing and senseless act on Heero's part. What had he done to deserve that? He must have done something... Heero wasn't like that. Heero wouldn't do that without reason, wouldn't he? Or was he just making up excuses for him? Did it even matter?  
  
Duo was sitting by the edge of the canyon. He couldn't stand, it hurt too much. He could barely sit up. He looked over the edge and saw the same thing he had seen the last time he looked-- darkness. He couldn't see any flames or any bottom with jagged rocks. Nothing was there.. and it seemed so... inviting. He leaned forward... there really was nothing for him to lose, and if there was nothing for him to lose, there was nothing for him to fear. If he left right now, maybe he'd never have to give Heero another thought for the rest of eternity... maybe he wouldn't have to deal with all the sorrow he'd long since locked up inside himself. He wavered there, on the edge.  
  
"Duo!"  
  
Duo pulled back from the threshold of Death like he'd been burned. It was a voice other than Solo's. He looked around desperately for it's source.. he didn't see anyone. Not even Solo. All he saw was a thick grey fog that had descended over what had once been the abandoned L2 street.  
  
"DUO!" The voice was closer now, and Duo could see the person's outline. The gasped when he came into view.  
  
Trowa saw Duo sitting at Death's entrance. Trowa wasn't sure how he knew what the canyon was, he just did. The look on Duo's battered face was one between one of absolute anguish and the one he wore when he'd been caught doing something he knew he shouldn't have been doing, which gave Trowa the impression he'd gotten there just in time. He paused a moment, realizing Duo was injured here in his subconscious in the same places he'd been wounded in real life. Though confused, Trowa didn't waste anymore time in running over to the shocked boy.  
  
It all proved to be too much for Duo, and he faltered, Trowa catching him before he completely collapsed into a little heap on the ground. He looked up at Trowa with tears in his eyes, then looked back at the chasm. "You're dead... am I dead too?"  
  
Trowa shook his head while he carefully held the American, not wanting to hurt him further.  
  
Duo was looking at the chasm with longing. "Let me go.. there's nothing else left for me." Duo didn't care to give any details. He did not want anyone to know what had happened. He did not want anyone to know about the things he'd done in his past, either.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Trowa immediately regretted the somewhat harsh tone of voice he'd used when he saw Duo's expression when he'd turned his face back up to him. "You have so much to live for... even if you don't know it yet. And then.. and then there's the people you'd leave behind."  
  
"They'd be better off without me, " Duo said mournfully, ".. I always end up screwing everything up. Usually people end up dead... and it always hurts."  
  
Trowa knew Duo blamed himself for things about his past, that much he understood from the nightmare he'd shared with Duo... but he had no clue as to the circumstances. But it didn't matter. Duo was a good person, if he wasn't, he wouldn't put himself through the Hell he did for whatever it was he felt he'd done. "Duo... the world needs you. You know what it's like to lose people close to you... would you intentionally inflict that pain on others by just letting go now?"  
  
"...who would even notice after while? Who would need me?" Tears were cascading down Duo's pale face.  
  
"All your friends.. Quatre, Wufei, Hilde, Howard, Sally.. that's just to name a few. You're not alone. You've always had a talent for accumulating friends. Duo, I know painful things have happened to you in the past. I might not know all the details, but I've seen things in your nightmares. No matter what happened, you're a good person, and you're loved. You can't give that all up now, not when you can fight it. I just wished you'd have told us about what was troubling you sooner..."  
  
Duo looked away, ashamed that Trowa had to see any of this.. that he had seen his nightmares (Duo didn't know how he could have, but he knew Trowa wouldn't lie about these things). "I.. I didn't want anyone to know."  
  
"You didn't have to take the burden all by yourself, Duo. You can't. It's killing you, and I can't sit by and watch that happen. I.." Trowa hesitated as he looked down into Duo's sparkling violet eyes.  
  
Duo interrupted the sudden quiet. "Who can I trust? Everyone I've ever trusted with my heart has died because of me! And... Heero...he--" Duo couldn't go on. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to remember, not wanting Trowa to see him break down completely.  
  
Trowa felt Duo start to tremble in his arms and he held him closer, ever mindful of his wounds. He heard Duo whimper and fought to push down the hate for Heero Yuy that stirred within him. He concentrated instead on his concern.. and love.. for Duo. He slowly rocked his body, reassuring him, doing all the things he'd learned from comforting Quatre.   
  
"It's okay, Duo." Trowa heard and felt as Duo choked on a sob. "I know about that, too. I saw what happened..." Duo started to cry into Trowa's shirt, still trembling "..it's going to be all right. You're safe.. you can let it out.. I wouldn't hurt you... you can trust me..." By this time, Duo wasn't holding anything back as he let out one long wail. Trowa continued to comfort him, and somewhere during the process, he let the words, "I love you" slip out.   
  
Duo sniffled, "... I thought you said I could trust you."  
  
Trowa didn't hesitate, knowing he couldn't screw this up now. If he did, Duo was sure to die.. what was worse, he would die feeling alone, betrayed, and hurt. "You can. I'm dead, I have nothing to hide."  
  
Duo remained looking at Trowa's shirt rather than his face. "You love Quatre."  
  
"I do." Trowa gently tilted Duo's face so that their eyes met, "And I love you. I love you both, equally... but, with you, I was too stupid to realize it until too late. I can't let you make the same mistake. Live, Duo. Live for both of us.."  
  
Looking up into those emerald eyes.. the windows to the soul.. Duo believed him. His mind told him that he was only leading himself into more trouble and more pain, but he believed. Yet, his mind couldn't quiet comprehend..  
  
"I... I don't understand."  
  
Trowa smiled softly, "It's okay, Duo. You've been through a lot... you don't have to understand right now. Just live... please..."   
  
---  
  
Wufei gave a frustrated sigh as he looked around the crime scene. The door hadn't been forced... there didn't appear to be any forced point of entry. In fact, the only thing out of place was a small backpack with some stuff Wufei recognized as Duo's that lay in the hall. What also didn't help was the fact that all of Heero and Duo's immediate neighbors seemed to have been gone from their home at the estimated time of the assault.   
  
"Not a scrap of evidence," Wufei muttered bitterly to himself. There didn't even seem to be a fingerprint or a single strand of hair that didn't belong there.   
  
It didn't seem to fit together, the whole situation did not make any sense. A man or woman skilled enough to get the best of both Heero and Duo had not leave a single trace? Something was wrong here... very wrong.  
  
~~~end  
  
SnK:I'm ending the part now since now is when my momentum is gone, and I believe you patient people who are still bother to read this story should really have another part ASAP. Adding any more would take me a couple of days, since next week I'll be busy. After next week, though, I should have some more free time. If I choose to use that free time watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on DVD or writing the next part is for you readers to decide. If you want me to start work on it the second I get the chance, review.  
Hwoarang:Aren't we demanding?  
SnK:Look, I just have to figure out which is a better use of my free time. I already know how the story ends. (at least, I have the general idea how it ends..)  
Duo:Let me in on it! I'm your favorite!  
Trowa:No, he's a loud mouth and will spoil it for everyone. Tell me. I can keep a secret.  
Duo:Hey! I can keep a secret. I'm good at it.  
Quatre:*suddenly blushes*  
Trowa:...?  
SnK:..err... well, aaanyway.. please review regardless. I'd really appreciate it ^_^  



	9. Giving Away an Angel - Part 8

Kilik: Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing or ...well... anything, really.  
SnK: Oh, be quiet.  
Hwoarang: Why do you tell him to be quiet but tell me to shut the hell up?  
SnK: Because he's useful, unlike you. *snaps fingers and makes pocky fall into Kilik's hands* That's why he is spoiled, and you are scorned.  
Kilik: *sticks his tongue out at Hwaorang*  
Hwoarang: *broods in the corner*  
Kilik: A friendly reminder to our readers, this fic is a large angsty downward spiral. While that's nothing new, there's nothing to remind you about that I haven't reminded you about several times already.  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 8  
by Shinigami no kamikaze  
  
  
Quatre remained in silent vigil over Duo's still form. There was a lot for him to think about, but he couldn't concentrate on anything very well with the heart-monitor's soft beeps a constant reminder of Duo's condition.   
  
'Live... live for both of us,' he found himself thinking over and over again, as if his pure will could force Duo to survive.   
  
He'd heard that it was a possibility comatose people could hear what others said to them. It was worth a shot. Quatre didn't have anything else he could do.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre paused, almost like he expected some kind of response. All he got was a another beep of the EKG, "...I'm sorry I didn't try to talk to you sooner... I must not have been thinking clearly. I don't think I've been thinking clearly...since-- well, for a while"  
  
"If you can hear me, please fight... fight and come back. Don't leave m--us... alone. We..., " Quatre sighed. He knew at the moment he wasn't thinking of any 'us'... he was only thinking about himself. He was being selfish again. "I need you, Duo. I... I just lost Trowa... If I lost you..."  
  
Tears started up again, trickling down his face. Duo lay as still as he was when Quatre had first entered the room. Frustration that had been building in Quatre since he first saw Duo hurt finally got the best of him as he shot up and cried, "I won't lose you, too! I can't! Fight, Duo.. do whatever you have to.. follow the sound of my voice.. just come back to me!"  
  
Trowa saw it all from where he sat against the wall. He'd somehow been expelled from Duo's subconscious when the boy had apparently fallen asleep in his arms soon after Trowa had told Duo to live. He had no idea if that was a good sign or not, though he theorized that there would be times when Duo, in his coma, would only be aware of things subconsciously and other times when he was completely unconscious... but that theory didn't leave him any less afraid for Duo's life. What if it meant he'd just given up..?  
  
Finally he shed tears of his own as he turned to gaze at the floor.. it was all too much. The two people he loved were in so much pain and there was nothing more he could do for either of them because he was _dead_! Hell, it was quite possible Duo was going to be joining him in death soon! Most painfully ironic of it all was what Quatre and Duo needed to heal.. to be happy... lay in the other... if only they could see that...  
  
A nurse popped her head in the door to find out what all the noise was about, and saw the sobbing blonde by Duo's bed. Any sharp reprimand for disturbing the quiet died on her tongue, and she went to his side. Gently, she tried to lead him out the door.  
  
Quatre wouldn't move, "No! I need to stay with him!"   
  
Sighing, the nurse stroked his back softly, "Please, sir... you won't do him any good if you fall apart, and the other patients need their quiet..."  
  
Quatre sniffed, knowing he was being terribly selfish yet again. "I... I promised to look after him for a friend who can't be here.. if things go bad.. I _need_ to be here when he wakes..I--", he began to ramble.  
  
The nurse looked at him sympathetically, "Why don't you rest in the lobby? You can sleep out there, if you'd like.. I promise to inform you if he so much as twitches." She smiled softly, trying her best to do something to calm him down.  
  
"Al-...alright...", Quatre said reluctantly.  
  
"Don't worry, Quatre. If his breathing is off by a so much as a millisecond, and you're asleep, I'll be sure to let you know about it." Trowa mumbled, even though he knew it was in vain... he knew that no one would hear him.  
  
---  
  
"It doesn't add up." Wufei sighed as he pushed food he didn't really want around on his plate. It wasn't so much that he wasn't hungry, but his mind was too occupied to be concerned with such annoyances as the need to eat.   
  
"I agree. Got any theories?", Sally asked, having lost interest in her food once she'd found out all that had happened and the startling lack of evidence.  
  
"That bag full of Maxwell's clothes... it doesn't fit."  
  
"It is odd. Was he supposed to be going anywhere?"  
  
Wufei shrugged, "Maxwell doesn't confirm his travel plans with me. Possibly he was..."  
  
Wufei tried to put together the pieces of evidence as best he knew how, aloud, "Maybe he opened the door to leave when the attacker pushed their way in, which would explain why the door wasn't forced. As the assailant beat him, Yuy probably came one the scene and was also attacked. But that doesn't make much sense, either. I wouldn't think Maxwell would let someone get the drop on him so easily... nothing seems to be disturbed in that house... so the attacker would have had to been quick and unexpected."  
  
Sally lifted an eyebrow, "Someone he knew, then?"  
  
"I thought of that, and the possibility of the assailant already owning a key... but, then how did they incapacitate Yuy so easily as well? I damn well know it takes someone highly skilled to get the best of him. After he saw what had happened to Maxwell, I doubt nothing short of a shotgun blast to the chest would have stopped him."  
  
"A group of people with access to the home, then?"  
  
A very unpleasant theory was forming in Wufei's head. "Like I said, the apartment was virtually undisturbed. You can't fit all that many people through a tiny doorway into a small entryway and not knock something over. Certainly not enough to stop Yuy in a killing rage. Not to mention we haven't found a drop of foreign blood or skin anywhere, which means neither Maxwell or Yuy managed to draw blood... it seems highly unlikely to me."   
  
Sally rubbed one of her temples. "So you think that there isn't a third party involved..?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
---  
  
It had been hours and Duo still hadn't shown any sign of improvement. Trowa fears for Duo grew. What if Duo just let everything go? What if he'd failed to convince the American to live?   
  
He was so high strung he nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened, yet again. But this time, Quatre came back in. Trowa decided he had better let himself rest mentally, since he would be even less useful if he broke down, so he left the room quietly.  
  
Trowa needed to clear his head. He didn't know how much longer he could survive under the burden of his knowledge. If Duo died, then that was it. He would never see Quatre, and presumably Duo, ever again. Both of them would die alone and in pain... everything was hanging in the balance right now, and he was the only one who knew!  
  
---  
  
There was the agony. That is what consciousness had become for him. Guilt was ever present, and it just wouldn't leave him alone. And then there was the question at the heart of all this suffering.  
  
Why?  
  
Why had he hurt Duo? Why?! No matter how much he thought about it.. no matter how many times he asked himself, he never got an answer.  
  
He truly never meant to hurt Duo.. at least, he didn't think he did. In the state his mind was in, he wasn't sure of anything anymore, even basic facts. He loved Duo. He wanted to Duo to be happy. So why had he flown into such an uncontrollable rage?  
  
Why had he thought those poisonous thoughts that had started it all, anyway?  
  
For all the anguish his emotions caused him, he could only imagine Duo's physical pain was worse. A thought that drove yet another a dagger into him.  
  
There was only one thing he could do. Obviously, if he couldn't even control himself, he was a threat. A threat to society, a threat to everything he cherished, a threat to the person he loved. And then there was the vendetta to pay...   
  
Heero tried to sit up, and the whole world went spinning, head exploding with fresh pain. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, which only sent more pain vibrating through his head due to his damned broken jaw. Heero reminded himself not to do that anymore since he didn't want to pass out before he finished what it was that he was setting out to do... otherwise he felt he completely deserved it.  
  
Finally struggling up out of the bed, Heero stood as still as his tired and hurting form would allow, in hope the room around him would quit going in circles and blurring in and out of focus. While the scenery did stop turning, he couldn't keep his eyes focused all the time. Deciding he'd just have to adjust to it, he carefully went to turn off the machines monitoring his condition.  
  
Yanking everything stuck into or taped to him, he moved to the door while thinking out his course of action. He needed something that would pretty much kill him instantly. He was in a hospital, so if someone discovered him, he was already where they could start to try to save him. Being put on suicide watch would make a second attempt unnecessarily difficult for him in his condition. This eliminated overdose, pretty much, and probably slitting his wrists with a scalpel...  
  
If only he had a gun... security guards! They had weapons on them, and they were bound to be somewhere. Drugged and injured, Heero bet he still could easily take a gun from them.  
  
Decided on a plan of action, he check the hallway to see if anyone was coming.  
  
'Don't worry, Duo... soon you'll never have to deal with me again.'  
  
---  
  
"Wait a second, Wufei! Do you know what you're insinuating?" Sally exclaimed, and a few heads turned to look at them. Sally just glared at those whose eyes she met until they turned away.  
  
Once everyone decided they weren't interesting, Wufei continued, "I know exactly what I am insinuating. Do you have any other explanation?"  
  
"No, it couldn't be..." Sally paused, thinking, "And I'm not just saying that because I think Heero and Duo turning on each other like that is impossible. I've taken a look at each of their wounds... Heero's wounds are consistent with high power and high velocity blows to his head... ones I believe were made by a fist. First of all, I don't think Duo is capable of strikes like that..."  
  
"Adrenaline," was Wufei's response.  
  
Sally looked at him doubtfully, "...but aren't you stretching it a bit? So evidence may be lacking, that doesn't mean assume the first idea that comes into your head. You need proof."  
  
Wufei sighed. "That's been my problem the whole damn time. There _is_ no proof!"  
  
Sally eyed him quietly for a few moments. "Do you really think they fought each other?"  
  
Wufei stared down at his plate. "I... I don't know." He scowled, and suddenly brought his fist down hard onto the table, not caring if it attracted attention again or not. "Damn it! I don't know! I don't know a Goddammed thing! Maxwell and Yuy are sent to the hospitial... Maxwell on the verge of death.. and there isn't a single thing I can do. I can't even do my job.. I can't even begin to say who did it!"  
  
Sally got up for her seat, stood beside him and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. "Come on, Wufei. Let's get out of here... I think you need a rest."  
  
"Go away, woman." He mumbled, staring down at his lap. His eyes stung with tears. He didn't want Sally to even see his eyes glimmer with tears... he wanted her to leave him alone right now.  
  
"Wufei..." Sally said sternly, before she sensed how upset he really was. She squeezed his shoulder lightly, " ...please, Wufei."  
  
Wufei reluctantly stood, and followed Sally out, his head uncharacteristically hung.  
  
---  
  
Still wandering the hospital with his mind still on Duo and Quatre, Trowa was not prepared for what lay around the corner.  
  
Heero sat on the ground, fumbling with the unconscious guard's holster. His head pounded in protest to his movements, but he refused to slip into the darkness and pass out. Consumed with pain, confusion, and guilt, Heero could only think to seek vengeance for Duo.. there was no use in putting it off.  
  
Trowa didn't know why Heero was doing what it looked like Heero was doing. If Duo died, Heero could potentially get away with everything... so why would he choose to kill himself?  
  
Then Trowa saw it... first a single tear slid down Heero's cheek, then they came pouring down his face as he finally managed to pull the gun free.  
  
Trowa was torn. He hated Heero for what he had done... he knew he had to pay for hurting Duo like that, and for betraying the boy's trust. But, before.. everything... Heero had been his friend, and it was apparent he was suffering for what he'd done now. Lastly, if Duo woke up, how would he react to Heero's suicide...? He'd been through so much...  
  
As Heero brought the gun up to his temple, Trowa simply acted, relying on his emotions. Ironic that it was Heero who'd first advised him to do that... who would have known it would decide his fate later? Diving next to Heero, he concentrated all his willpower into his hand, turning the gun aside just as it fired, overcompensating and warping the metal of the gun, breaking it completely.   
  
Heero eyes widened as it hit him a few moments later that he wasn't dead. He tried to clear the tears from his eyes to examine the gun, not understanding what went wrong. Trowa was next to him, watching, exhausted from his efforts.  
  
"I can't let you do that... if only for Duo's sake.." Trowa mumbled. "But that doesn't change things, " he added bitterly, "You'll still pay."  
  
Wearily, Trowa lay down on the floor.. he was too tired for it to be worth it to him to find another, slightly more comfortable spot to rest in a chair. He feel asleep almost immediately.  
  
Heero wasn't far off... after he figured out the gun was useless, he surrendered to unconsciousness as well. Soon afterwards, the nearest capable security guard came cautiously around the corner, knowing only that a shot had been fired. Seeing the two still bodies and the discarded gun, she jogged up to the pair. After another quick look around, she quickly summoned a nurse.  
  
---  
  
The door to Duo's room was open, which is why Quatre overheard a voice over a security guard's radio that a shot had been fired. Quatre didn't catch where exactly, but apparently the security guard did, since she began to rush off while saying something else Quatre couldn't catch into the radio. Quatre looked over at the helpless boy who lay beside him.  
  
"Don't worry, Duo..." Quatre said softly, "I'll stay here. I'll protect you." He would protect Duo with his life. Quatre wasn't about to let anyone hurt him again.  
  
Over the loudspeaker came an announcement that everything was fine and under control. While it did put Quatre somewhat back at ease, a paranoid part of him he had probably developed during the war was still nervous. When the security guard who had originally ran off came back, Quatre was finally convinced things were alright.  
  
Turning back to the comatose American, he sighed. He looked exactly the same... there were never any signs of improvement, not even any signs that Duo was even there any more.  
  
Quatre turned his attention to the comic again. He read them to Duo and tried to explain what was going on in the pictures. It passed the time, kept his mind off more depressing trains of thought, and it was something he knew Duo liked and he was beginning to find interesting. During regular visiting hours Quatre decided he'd see if he could play a CD or something for Duo. Quatre had no clue as to if it actually helped or not, but he had to do something... and he had to hope.  
  
~~~end  
  
Before you start yelling at me for taking so damn long with this part, I'd like to say I'm honestly sorry.. and I applaud any of you who've waited this long. But, a large complicated series of events have made writing fanfiction very low on my list of priorities recently. For this inconvenience to you, my readers, again, I am sorry. If I had known all this would happen, I would have held this entire series to prevent weeks of waiting for the next part... but considering that life rarely goes as planned, I suppose this was unavoidable.  
  
Anyone who might actually be worried about me (...worried about some weird fic writer who can't get a part out within reasonable time periods? I know, I'm stretching it.. but still...), don't. I, personally, am perfectly fine and am pretty much as mentally sound as can be expected of me.  
  
Hopefully, the worst is over... though now I've probably gone and jinxed myself. The last time I said something along those lines the previous long wait happened, I think... I don't remember too well. But that's not important. Just know I intend to finish this series, no matter how long it takes me (though reviews are still greatly appreciated to give me added incentive ^_^)... but, for all of our sakes, let us hope that you never have to wait so long for a part again!  
  
....you know, even after all this time, I *still* haven't seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on DVD...  



	10. Giving Away an Angel - Part 9

Kilik:Shinigami no kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing, just like she hasn't owned Gundam Wing for the last 8 parts (9, counting prologue).  
Hwoarang: Look who finally decided to write something!  
SnK:Oh, shut up. I've been working on that page of mine *coughhttp://www.geocities.com/shinigaminokamikaze/cough* in case FFnet goes down again.  
Hwoarang: I was kind of hoping you were in a coma.  
SnK: *eye twitch* Hwoarang... just one more word... and I will do something drastic...  
Hwoarang:Like what?  
SnK:*growls* Like digging out your voicebox with a dull, rusty spoon and nailing it to my wall!  
Hwoarang&Kilik: O.O  
SnK:*coughs* ...sorry... I get a little irritable when I don't sleep much...  
Hwoarang:...that's an understatement.  
Kilik:...yes... um, a friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai, like it always has. Has had and possibly will still have cussing and angst. Well, angst is pretty much guaranteed.  
  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 9  
by Shinigami no kamikaze (shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com)  
  
  
Wufei sat across from Heero's unconscious form. The straps holding him to the bed were meaningless gestures. There was no doubt in Wufei's mind that even now, injured as he was, Yuy could snap them. However, Heero was now under 24 hour observation due to his little escapade with the security guard in what appeared to be a failed suicide attempt. At least, that's what the security camera footage suggested... though how it failed, no one could say for certain.  
  
Was there nothing normal about this case? Wufei had seen the gun that.. somehow.. Yuy had managed to misfire at point blank range. The thing about it was that the gun never should have been able to go off in the first place... the very metal of pistol had been twisted. Damned old security cams couldn't give a clear enough picture to even begin to understand what had happened there.  
  
But, what did it really matter? So Yuy had failed. Why was it that he attempted in the first place? Wufei couldn't claim to be an expert on the human mind, but he would think that Yuy would wait to see if Maxwell's condition improved before taking a step as drastic as that. That is, if Yuy was completely innocent.  
  
Even if he was guilty of wrong doing, wouldn't he see if Maxwell just died, thereby eliminating any known witness to what had happened? Or maybe his suicide attempt was all about the guilt...  
  
Wufei shook his head. He just didn't know. Was his need to place the blame.. to know and punish those responsible... overriding his judgment? Maybe all the stress had gotten had gotten to Yuy... maybe there were a million other explanations Wufei didn't know about... Hell, here he was overanalyzing again.  
  
Wufei stood. He wasn't going to do any good here. He guessed he had better go tell Winner what had happened... and he didn't think the blonde was going to take the news very well..  
  
---  
  
"Your mind is full of enemies  
The room is full of energies  
Haunting your soul   
They're all around you  
And you're on your own," sang the voice in the background, and Quatre finally turned the CD player off. This wasn't helping. Nothing was helping!  
  
Quatre rubbed his temples. He wasn't sure much longer he could keep this up. His hope was slowly draining away from him with each passing hour... and with his hope, so slowly went his will to live...  
  
He tried to shake the disturbing thoughts away. Not yet... it wasn't over yet. He tried to think of anything he hadn't tried... anything he hadn't said..  
  
An idea came to him. "Duo...", he started softly, "Are you afraid of waking up? Is that why you won't come back?"  
  
No reply. Not that he expected differently.  
  
"You told me when we first met... you run and hide, but never lie. Are you running? Are you hiding?"  
  
Still nothing.  
  
"...now that I think about it, I remember this dream... Trowa came to me. He told me he didn't think you're as happy as you'd like us to believe. Have you always been hiding, Duo?"  
  
During his pause, Wufei stepped into the room. Quatre pulled his eyes away from Duo to gaze at the Asian. Judging by his face, he didn't have good news.  
  
"Winner, something's happened."  
  
By his tone of voice, Quatre could tell it was very serious. He got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach... there really could only be one person this was about, "To Heero, hasn't it?"  
  
Wufei nodded slowly, "He tried to commit suicide, or at least, that what it looks like."  
  
Quatre jumped up, "What?"  
  
"He got out of his room, and stole a guard's gun. He looked like he was going to shot himself, but then something happened," Wufei explained, but by that time, Quatre had stopped listening to him.  
  
"I should have seen this coming," he murmured softly. Before Wufei could reply, Quatre raised his voice, "I should have been there for him, too! I should have known this would affect him. I should have done something!"   
  
Wufei had worried this would happen.  
  
"Do not place blame for this on yourself.. Quatre," he said, tentatively using the Arabian's first name. "You couldn't have known."  
  
"I--", Quatre stopped short when he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to face Duo, unintentionally holding his breath. Wufei was silent as well, and they watched as Duo's eyelids twitched. As he stirred, both Wufei and Quatre were too shocked to do anything.  
  
Duo opened his eyes slowly, already all too aware of the pain that seemed wrapped around him. All at once, any recollection of what he'd experienced while comatose fled while his last conscious memories came flooding back. Confused and afraid, his eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out what had happened... what was happening.  
  
Quatre rushed over to Duo once he'd regained his senses, Wufei only a step behind, and Duo drew back from the sudden movement, still unsure of what was going on.  
  
"It's okay, Duo. Everything's fine. You're safe," Quatre soothed, lightly placing one of his hands over Duo's. Duo looked up into his eyes, and it almost made Quatre step back a pace... there was so much pain in those violet orbs...  
  
"Who did this?! Who was it?" Wufei demanded, and Duo visibly shrunk. Before he realized the mistake he had made, Wufei was forcibly pushed back by Quatre. Taken aback by Quatre's sudden vehemence, and by the look in the blonde's eyes, he retreated a further step.  
  
"You're scaring him," Quatre practically hissed under his breath, in complete 'protection' mode, "There'll be time for question's later." Wufei didn't have time to apologize or even blink before Quatre was right back at Duo's side comforting him again.  
  
Duo was overwhelmed. The last thing he remembered was thinking Heero was going to kill him... but how had he gotten here? Where was here? Why were Wufei and Quatre here? And why did Wufei seem angry? It was too much! How was he supposed to deal with all this at once? His whole body shook, and he wasn't sure if it was from his injuries or from his stress.  
  
"Wufei, call the nurse!" Quatre cried, watching Duo's trembling and accelerated heartbeat. "Calm down, Duo... It's alright... everything's going to be okay..."  
  
Wufei did as he was told while Duo finally found his voice, "...where?"  
  
"You're in the hospital... no one will hurt you here... you were in a coma," Quatre told him softly, trying to keep the strain out of his voice. "Do you remember why?"  
  
Duo looked straight up at Quatre with soul torn eyes that had begun to sparkle with unshed tears, and whispered, "...yes..."  
  
Before Quatre could find out what was causing Duo such anguish, a nurse accompanied by a doctor came in and ordered them out. Reluctantly, they both obeyed, and stood looking dejected outside the door while the medical personnel took care of Duo.  
  
"...what did he tell you?", Wufei asked quietly.  
  
"That he remembers why he ended up here." Quarte answered distantly, too busy trying to figure out what was wrong with the American emotionally... that look was not simply fear or hurt... that look was pure suffering.  
  
Wufei's eyes widened, "He knows his attacker?"  
  
"I can't be sure. I was taken away too quickly," Quatre sighed. Just then, the door opened again, and the doctor stepped out.  
  
"It appears that given proper care, he'll be just fine," the doctor told them, "He's sleeping normally now. We'll have to make sure he doesn't get as agitated as he was... He's going to need to take it easy and give his body a chance to repair itself... It would probably be best if you two came back tomorrow during visiting hours, to give him a chance to adjust. Our staff will be here if he needs them."  
  
Wufei simply nodded, while Quatre looked like he wanted to argue, but decided it was best to let it go. The nurse then exited Duo's room as well, and she and the doctor both left.  
  
"I guess I'll go see if I can talk to Heero...", Quatre said quietly.  
  
"Don't bother, I just came from there. They've put him under as well," Wufei turned and studied Quatre's face. "I'd recommend that you get some rest... you look like you haven't been getting enough, and there's nothing else either of us can do right now."  
  
Quatre smiled weakly, "I suppose you're right." The smile faded, "Are you going to question Duo tomorrow?"  
  
Wufei paused a moment before responding, "If he's up to it, yes."  
  
"I want to be there."  
  
Wufei wondered why, but simply replied, "Alright, I don't see why that should be a problem."  
  
With that, the two went their separate ways... Quatre to seek a meal and a bed, Wufei to meditate.  
  
---  
  
Trowa got up off the floor. Heero and the guard he'd knocked out were gone, but that didn't surprise Trowa, and he wasn't worried about either of them. So, forgetting about Heero for the moment, Trowa went off to check up on Duo.  
  
Immediately when he walked into the room, he knew something was different. For one thing, it was visiting hours, but Quatre wasn't there. Trowa walked over, and examined the EKG's printout. The had been a sudden jump in Duo's heartbeat... Trowa looked back over at Duo. Had he woken up?  
  
Walking up beside Duo, Trowa put his hand into Duo's forehead, as he did to gain access to dreams. Nothing was there... like a dreamless sleep... like when he'd been expelled from Duo's subconscious before. Pulling his hand back, he wondered if that was because he'd been given some drug to help him sleep.. or maybe he'd just come in at the wrong time... he had no way of being certain.  
  
Even though it seemed Duo had at least come out of the coma, Trowa did not feel as relieved as he would have liked. There were so many other obstacles... he would not be put at ease until Duo was happy again...  
  
"I'll be back later, Duo..", He murmured as he got up to leave. He needed to make sure Heero was alive somewhere, to check up on Quatre...  
  
On his way to Heero's hospital room, Trowa wondered if he'd made the right decision by stopping Heero. Should he have just let him die? Would it be worse for Duo to know Heero had committed suicide, or would it be worse for him see Heero again? There was no way of telling...  
  
Noting the guards placed on the door, Trowa stepped in. Heero was unconscious, and, most importantly, still alive. After a moment of thought, Trowa stepped forward and placed his hand in Heero's forehead as he'd done with Duo, and found the same blank...   
  
Trowa needed to know where Heero stood. Was he the same person with the kind heart who was his friend? If so, what the Hell had happened? Had the training he went through as a child finally taken its toll on Heero, and completely erased his soul? After seeing Heero cry... the pain he seemed to be going through... Trowa just wasn't sure anymore. Was Heero really the enemy? He wanted so badly to make him pay for what he'd done to Duo.  
  
But now that it appeared Duo might recover... now that he had a clearer picture of things, and more time to think.. what would that actually accomplish? Although he couldn't be sure, he didn't think that was what Duo would want. But... they couldn't simply do nothing about it...  
  
Trowa sighed, and resolved to take a look into Heero's dreams when he got the chance. He could think more of it then.  
  
Now, to find Quatre..  
  
---  
  
Quatre picked at the food on his plate while the Maganacs watched worriedly. He brought a fork full of pasta up off his plate and just looked at it for a few moments before putting it back down. He was too concerned about Duo to think about eating... The doctor seemed hopeful as far as his physical recovery, but judging by the look Duo'd given him, there were other wounds just as serious, if not more so.  
  
And then there was Heero...  
  
Sighing, he knew that he couldn't do anything about either of them but speculate until tomorrow, when he could at least get a chance to talk to Duo and Heero. Giving up on the idea of forcing food down his throat, Quatre quietly got up from his seat and headed up for his room, and his bed.  
  
---  
  
Standing over the sleeping form of his blonde angel, Trowa weighed visiting Quatre once more in his dreams and telling him what little information he'd learned in the American's nightmare, or to stay where he was and let Quatre continue to cope with the fact he was dead. Closing his eyes, he put his hand over Quatre, and reached...  
  
At the moment, Quatre was trapped beneath a rock, and unable to help a fuzzy brown kitten as it clung desperately to the edge of a cliff, violet eyes filled with fear and desperation. The Arabian was screaming in frustration, helpless as the kitten slipped further and further. Unhindered, Trowa was able to run to the kitten's rescue, grabbing it by the scruff of the neck.   
  
Quatre froze in recognition, and his eyes filled with tears, "Trowa..."  
  
Trowa calmly walked over to him, freed him of the rock, and gave him the kitty. The feline seemed to be as frightened as it originally was, and Quatre began petting it absentmindedly as he gasped, "Oh, Trowa.. I'm so sorry... With all that's been going on.. I haven't--"  
  
"Haven't done what, little one?" Trowa asked softly, as he gently put an arm around him, and brushed his bangs back, "Haven't tormented yourself because of me? Haven't lamented over what has past? I'm dead, and you owe nothing to me. I care for you, you know that... how will I be happy if you do nothing but waste away?"  
  
"...I...," Quatre sniffled, "I.."  
  
"Hush... you have to let go and move on, Quatre... ", Trowa whispered.  
  
"I... I don't know if I can..."  
  
"You can, I know you can. I'll always love you, Quatre... but don't spurn another's love because you feel you must remain loyal to me. I'll understand...," Trowa paused, wondering if he was pushing too fast, "In fact, I may come to care for them much the same way I do you..."  
  
Quatre's eyes burrowed straight into Trowa's, and he breathed, "You really are Trowa, aren't you? Not just some dream... you're really him..."  
  
Trowa nodded, "Yes... but I'm only--"  
  
"No. I didn't think you'd come back to me...", Quatre managed a weak smile, "But, why are you here, then?"  
  
Trowa was somewhat relieved. It appeared that Quatre had, at the very least, accepted his death. Now, would he be able to open his heart to another? "...I'd hoped I would be able to help you out with Duo..."  
  
Quatre eyes widened, "Do you know about that? About the attack?"  
  
Trowa knew too much about the attack. He did not like knowing what he did about Heero, "Yes."  
  
"Do you know why it's hurt him so much? I am not talking about the injuries to his body... he was on the verge of tears, but there was more to it... I've never seen Duo like that."  
  
Trowa inwardly winced, "I know some things about it, but not the whole story. I believe Duo will tell you about the attack itself, and once you know about it.. well, you'll think you know why... but there's something more, something he's been hiding for a long time."  
  
Quatre was thoroughly confused, "...what do you mean?"  
  
"Do you know anything about Duo's past? His childhood? Has he ever spoken to you directly about it?"  
  
Quatre had to stop and think a moment. Somehow, through all that chatter of Duo's, it had never come up. If it had, it'd been brushed aside. "...no.."  
  
"I can't say for certain, but I think some pretty bad things have happened to him... things he blames himself for... things that have hurt him." Trowa shook his head, "I can't say much more than that. Just make him open up about it... if he doesn't, I'm afraid of what will happen to him."  
  
Quatre let the information sink in for a moment. "I'll try... but Duo can evade questions so easily... not even OZ got information he did not want to give out of him."  
  
'Good point', Trowa thought to himself, and he had to pause a minute before he could give a reply. "...He's vulnerable now, unlike then.. and you'll soon see why. You may be able to reach out to him. But if he still won't talk... I just don't know, Quatre.."  
  
"I was afraid of that." Quatre said with more than a touch of sorrow. He looked down at the little kitten he'd been unconsciously petting throughout the conversation. It was still afraid, trembling in Quatre's gentle hands.  
  
~~~end  
  
SnK: Ahhh... 'nother chapter done... by the way, the lyrics from the CD played in the beginning aren't mine (as if you haven't guessed). They're from Apoptygma Berzerk's song 'Paranoia', which just happened to be playing at the time I wrote it...   
Hwoarang: Hey, I thought you actually planned this fic.  
SnK: I did!  
Hwoarang: Suuuure. The plan for the next part probably is one word: angst.  
SnK: It is not! It's actua--hey! Did the G-boys pay you to get the ending ahead of time?  
Hwoarang: *innocent look* Why would you ever think that?  
SnK:Because they're impatient, and you're easily bought.  
Hwoarang: I resent that!  
SnK: You should.  
Hwoarang: *mutters under his breath*  
SnK:As always, please review... and please refrain from bribing Hwoarang...  



	11. Giving Away an Angel - Part 10

Somehow, I don't feel like writing much of an introduction today...  
  
Shinigami no kamikaze (me) does not own Gundam Wing.  
  
This fic contains shounen ai, angst, and possibly cussing.  
  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 10  
by Shinigami no kamikaze (shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com)  
  
  
Pain was all around, and it pulled Duo unwillingly away from the blessed nothingness that went with unconsciousness. His eyes flickered open, and looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. At first he didn't panic... he was still dazed by the drugs in his system... but after a few more moments of blissful ignorance passed his throat tightened and his vision blurred.  
  
A despair like nothing he'd ever experienced before fell over him, and he wanted to cry out... to scream his torment... to release all his anguish in one terrible wail ... If only it could be so simple. Even if he could allow himself to scream, he doubted he was strong enough...   
  
There was no one, no one at all, he could trust... not anymore. For once he'd finally believed he didn't have to guard himself so carefully from reaching out to someone. He finally had believed he could have some good in his life... but he'd been betrayed. Not only by Heero, but by all he'd put faith in. Loneliness and grief enveloped him. There was nothing and no one for him now.  
  
Duo tried to stop tears from spilling from his eyes, but he couldn't... What had he done this time?! What had he done wrong? It must of been him! He was just one large mistake... he should have died long ago... So what about him had screwed it all up this time? Heero wouldn't have done something like that if it wasn't because of him... he wasn't like that!  
  
Duo choked on a sob. He was like some kind of toxin. Killing some, poisoning others... And no one could save him now. No one could help him! He was too far gone, too corrupted... Anyone who tried... they'd do what the others had done.... they'd die or hurt him. He couldn't let that happen again, if only for their sake.  
  
Now every foundation he had rebuilt his world upon since it was last destroyed along with the Maxwell Church lay broken and turned to dust. His heart was shattered and desolate... and he had no idea how to pull himself up from the vortex he was falling into. He didn't even know why he should try.  
  
All that he had left to him now was misery and fear. How long could he survive like that? How long before he couldn't take the strain anymore... how long before he completely lost it?  
  
It didn't matter. No one loved him, and no one would care. Friends were fleeting, and all promises were empty. If he were to die, people might brood for a couple of days, but then it would be forgotten. Forgotten like those who died in the plague at hit his colony so long ago.  
  
No... he could not even allow himself to continue on that train of thought...  
  
He groaned in pain as he tried to move, to at least look around at his surroundings. The pain was intense, but drugs kept it from being mind numbing, a fact Duo cursed. Unending physical pain was more appealing than conscious thought. What Duo wanted more than anything else was oblivion. Not death.... just nothing. No pain, no knowledge of what he was, no sorrow... If only he could be unconscious again, if only he could have a short reprieve!  
  
He noted the room was empty, and he'd thought it would be. Why would anyone bother to see him? He remembered that Wufei and Quatre had been with him earlier, but that was just what civilized people did. How could he have thought himself equal to them? Despite everything, he was still a little gutter rat... something to be cast aside, forgotten... worth absolutely nothing, and worthy of nothing more than a lifetime of suffering.  
  
---  
  
Quatre woke up a couple of hours before he had meant to, too anxious to sleep anymore. How could he sleep when two of his closest friends were in such pain? He unthinkingly began twisting the sheets in his hands, knuckles white. Trowa watched with worry.   
  
Releasing what he was doing, Quatre stopped. Giving up on the idea of getting anymore sleep, he slipped out of the bed that was far too empty, and went to shower and dress himself.  
  
All the while, he thought about what he was going to do. What was he going to say? Knowing that Wufei could be quite impatient, and his own need to know who'd done this, he guessed that they'd be seeing Duo first.... Duo... By all that was holy, what had happened to him?  
  
Then there was Heero, but Quatre didn't know how bad off he was... Why didn't he check up on him before things got so out of hand?! 'Hindsight is ever perfect', a voice in his mind told him, bit it didn't give him a bit of comfort. He should have _known_.  
  
Trowa continued to observe silently from where he was. He knew that he mainly was an observer to all this, no longer having the means to interact... all he could do was a little interfering... and it hurt him to know that.  
  
Fully dressed and ready to go out, Quatre paced the room. It was going to be a long wait.  
  
---  
  
Wufei met Quatre in the hospital lobby, and unbeknownst to either of them, Trowa also joined them. Wufei'd brought along his tape recorder, hoping he'd have a chance to use it, hoping Duo would be up to answering some questions... though, those hopes were nothing compared to his hope Duo could recover from this. He wasn't sightless. He saw the agony in his friend's eyes...  
  
The nurse waved to them, and they followed her to Duo's room.   
  
"He's still weak, and he won't be awake for very long. Don't wear him out. If you see him getting tired, let him get his rest. He needs it. If something happens, don't hesitate to call for assistance." When she stopped in front of Duo's room, they both nodded in understanding.   
  
They entered the room, and Duo turned his gaze to them. Quatre stopped dead. His violet eyes were still awash with pain, possibly more intense than before. The flame that normally danced within the amethysts was dim and still... Even in the worst of times during the war, Duo had never looked anything like this. It tore at Quatre's heart... what had caused this? Who would do this?   
  
Trowa thanked whatever power it was that had him here for the fact Duo had still lived, but by the look in his eyes Trowa was not sure for how much longer. He didn't think Duo remembered anything from their encounter during his coma, which only made Trowa more afraid for him... It hurt to see Duo like this... his eyes were not meant to showcase such anguish.  
  
Wufei stopped beside the foot of Duo's bed, measuring him with a glance, trying to figure out if the frail boy could handle answering some questions. He was hesitant... he knew something was terribly wrong with the American. He hadn't attempted to speak, to smile, to even greet them, but more importantly, he wore a visage of despair, though Wufei could tell Duo was trying to mask it... Would questioning him inhibit his healing, or would it be better for him to get this off his chest now?  
  
Wufei brought out the tape recorder and started it, "Duo... are you up to answering a few questions for me today?"   
  
By this time, Quatre had moved over to sit next to Duo's side, and Trowa stood invisible opposite Quatre. Duo cast his eyes down for a moment, then looked over at the blonde with what seemed to be uncertainty. "It's up to you, Duo," Quarte told him gently, "If you don't want to talk right now, then we'll respect that."  
  
A the silence seemed to last hours to Wufei, but then a weak and raspy voice replied, "....yes..," a few moments pause, "I think."  
  
Wufei had to strain to hear Duo, but considering how frightened he'd been when he'd first woken up, Wufei didn't want to crowd him, so stayed where he was at the foot of the bed. Holding out the small black device in his hand to Quatre, he asked, "Winner, do you mind holding the tape recorder for me?"  
  
Without a word Quatre took it and was back in his seat next to Duo. Now that things were ready, Wufei wanted so badly to ask the question that had been burning in his mind the entire time.. "Duo, do you know who did this? Who attacked you?"  
  
Duo's expression became oddly unreadable, "....yes..."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
At this point, Duo began to tremble. Quatre tired to put his hand over Duo's in an attempt to comfort him, but Duo drew his hand away and winced when it hurt. Quatre whispered the American's name softly, but Duo squeezed his eyes shut and wouldn't look even look at either of them. Trowa cringed internally, and murmured under his breath, "Don't pull away, Duo."  
  
"You don't have to answer that question now.." Quatre said gently, giving Wufei a sidelong glance that dared him to contradict. Wufei was regretting he had asked.   
  
Trowa watched somberly, wondering that if he could only speak to the other two, could he spare Duo some of this pain? Quatre and Wufei couldn't understand what they were asking of Duo... if only he could tell them... if only they could be prepared. True, he could have tried to tell them in a dream, but dreams were fleeting things, and the chances of either of them both remembering the dream and believing in it were minute.  
  
Several seconds passed and Duo opened his eyes, which were now covered in a layer of unshed tears. He looked over to Quatre and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing but a small squeak came forth. He took a few quick breaths before he tried again, and Quatre had to lean forward to hear him, "...I... it.... it.."  
  
"Calm down, Duo. It's alright now."  
  
"No!" Duo managed to say loud enough for Wufei to hear without trouble, and Quatre was startled by his sudden forcefulness. His voice lowered back to is original rasp, "... no... it..," Duo sniffled, "It was Heero."  
  
"What?!," Quatre exclaimed, eyes going round in shock. It was impossible! Wufei's eyes narrowed in anger, his worst suspicions confirmed. Duo turned his head away in shame as the tears began to fall down his face and he began whimpering involuntarily. Trowa merely watched, as was his curse. Quatre turned back to Duo, and watching the American break down tore at his heart.  
  
Quatre regained enough composer to try and calm Duo some, though his mind had not quite yet absorbed the news, "Duo, it's alright to cry..." Duo didn't react, so Quatre kept talking soothingly, "You're safe here, and everything's going to be fine." Quatre didn't know if that he said was a lie, but he had to try to help Duo somehow, "You'll be alright... it's okay.."  
  
Wufei's mind reeled, but before he could do anything he needed the whole story. First Duo had to calm down... Not sure what words of comfort to offer, Wufei stood awkwardly while Quatre tended to Duo.  
  
"Duo, we don't have to ask anymore questions right now. Do you want us to go? We can leave you alone for a while, if you want." Quatre told Duo softly. They sat quietly and gave Duo some time to collect himself enough to formulate a reply.  
  
He stopped crying, but not shaking, saying weakly,"...I... I can answer more."  
  
Quatre wasn't sure if that was what would be best for him right now, but he couldn't find it in him to contradict Duo, plus there was a need for him to know why... why would Heero do such a thing?!  
  
"Alright.. but remember, you may stop whenever you wish, " Wufei added, also unsure if he really should be pushing for answer right now, no matter how much he felt he needed them. "What happened, from the beginning?"  
  
Duo hesitated, sniffling and visibly trying to regain control of himself, trying to stop himself from trembling like a leaf, "...We... we were having an argument.... "  
  
"About what?", Wufei asked. What had set Heero off..?  
  
Glancing over at Quatre, the blonde could see in Duo's eyes he was debating his answer. His eyes looked away again and he answered hoarsely, "...trust...."  
  
Deciding not to push that topic now, Wufei continued, "Then what?"  
  
"I... I threat--" Duo choked up for a minute, and Quatre's first reaction was to reach out to him to try to reassure him... but, remembering what had happened last time, he kept his hand where it was. "I threatened to leave... only for a little while... but I went... went to pack some things..."  
  
"And then?"  
  
"I... I came back out... with some things... and... and.. Heero was so angry... and he was blocking the door, " Duo's voice started to become progressively quieter, "...and I told him to get out of the way... and then.. then he... he.... he.." The tears began falling again, and Duo tried to hide his face, but he groaned in pain when, presumably, moving his head hurt him.   
  
"I think that's enough, " Quatre said, wanting so badly to comfort Duo, but not knowing how. He couldn't imagine what it was like for him...  
  
Wufei was anxious. He had an idea of what had gone on now, but how had Heero wound up hurt? He needed to know... "Duo, do you want to continue?" he pressed, trying his best to ignore the icy glare he got in return from Quatre.  
  
"...he grabbed me, " Duo said in a small voice, "And he threw me... and... and... he just kept hitting me and hitting me.... I .... I tried to say something... but... I... he wouldn't let me.... I.. I don't remember too well after that... I think he fell... I don't know why... he didn't look like he would stop.. I didn't think he would stop... I can't remember... I think he fell..."  
  
Quatre hushed Duo as it became obvious he was rambling, even as Quatre's own mind faultered with the gravity of the information. To hear Duo speak... it was a shock and a painful awakening to the cold reality of the situation. "It's over now..."  
  
Trowa reached out and lay a hand Duo couldn't feel over his forehead, motioning as if he were brushing the boy's bangs out of his eyes... but he dare not actually try it. He wished he could protect Duo from all this torment or at least the burden of remembering how he'd come to be so hurt... but he lacked the power as this shadow of his living self.   
  
Duo began shuddering as if crying, but no tears came. He was trembling more now from exhaustion than anything else, and his eyes were barely open.  
  
Wufei was now too consumed with the case now to notice, feeling an ever growing sense of urgency to understand what had happened... to give it reason... and asked Duo, "Did you hit him back at any time? Did you defend yourself?"  
  
All the response that came from Duo was a strangled whimper as he shut his eyes, still shaking. Quatre turned to glare at Wufei once more, "Get out."  
  
Quatre's reaction was enough to snap Wufei out of his interrogation mode, "What?"  
  
"I said get out. Haven't you upset him enough?"  
  
Wufei truly looked at Duo, and became rightfully ashamed afterwards. He opened his mouth to defend himself or ask to stay, but one glance at Quatre, and he thought better of it. He turned and left the room to sit and wait by the door. Switching off the tape recorder, the Arabian turned his attention back to the trembling boy before him.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre asked softly, not sure Duo was strong enough to hear him now. The Arabian was afraid that they'd not only pushed Duo too far too fast emotionally, but physically as well. The braided boy was paler than before, sweating, and continuing to tremble.  
  
Duo's eyes flickered back open, and he looked at Quatre out of the corner of his eye, possibly because he was too weak to even turn his head. Quatre saw the same anguish there he had seen before. What could be going on behind those violets? How could he even begin to alleviate Duo's pain?  
  
"I... I'll be back to see you later. We.. we should talk." Quatre told him, not knowing at all what it was he would say... what he should say.  
  
Duo's eyes slowly shut and soon after his body stopped moving, save for the slight rise and fall of his chest. Trowa squeezed his hands into fists, turning his knuckles white in his apprehension... was Duo getting worse? Quatre looked over him worriedly, hoping nothing was wrong. To be on the safe side, he hit the nurse call button. Soon the duty nurse had swung open the door, and Quatre saw Wufei anxiously trying to see what was going on behind the door. "What is it?," the nurse asked immediately.  
  
"We were talking, and he got really upset, then he just got really tired pretty suddenly...", Quatre replied quickly, carefully watching the nurses face for a sign, good or bad. She stayed completely neutral.  
  
While Quatre had spoken, the nurse had looked over Duo's vitals and charts. After examining him, she turned back to Quatre, "It isn't serious... this time. He's completely exhausted, and if he keeps straining himself like this there may be complications, or even a relapse... you can't let him get like this again, it isn't good for him."  
  
Quatre nodded numbly. Not only did he have to help Duo, but he had the added complexity of keeping him healthy while he did it... this was impossible... how could he manage?  
  
"Well, I don't think he'll wake before visiting hours are up... but you may, of course, stay. Call if you need assistance," the nurse said as she went to leave. Quatre followed soon after to speak to Wufei in the hall. Sighing, Trowa followed, guessing he'd sit with Duo some more later... he was aware of how delicate Duo was right now and he had to make sure if Duo broke down, he didn't crack when no one was there to help him.  
  
"So how is he?" Wufei asked the instant Quatre opened the door.  
  
"Physically? Exhausted and overstressed, but he should be fine... but emotionally," Quatre trailed off.  
  
"I am not blind." Wufei replied shortly.  
  
"Could have fooled me!" Quatre snapped, instantly regretting it when Wufei looked away, hurt. Brushing a hand through his hair, Quatre added, "I'm sorry, Wufei... I... we're both stressed."  
  
"...yes," Though Wufei did not believe that could excuse his behavior.  
  
They were silent, until Quatre could bear to keep the question chewing away at him to himself any longer, "I... how... how is it possible for Heero to do that to him, Wufei? Why?"  
  
"I am not a psychologist, I cannot tell you why, but it completely possible. It happened. Before Maxwell even spoke today I had my suspicions of Yuy... Who else would Maxwell let in so close to him? Who else can do damage like that?"  
  
"I.. I don't need to hear that," Quatre mumbled, still trying to fully absorb the information.  
  
"I'm sorry... but, it is confirmed. And now we must deal with it. I will confront Yuy with this, and see if he still has 'amnesia'." Wufei said with more than a touch of acid in his voice. He looked up at Quatre, "May I have the tape recorder back?"  
  
Having completely forgotten about it, Quatre looked at Wufei confused. Wufei pointed to the black thing in his hand, and Quatre somewhat sheepishly returned it to him while apologizing.  
  
"It's understandable... with everything that's happened..."  
  
Quatre nodded slightly before Wufei could speak further, "Yea... I think I'd better go home... this...I.. I need some time..." There was too much going on... he might very well collapse due to the sheer stress and uncertainty, the pain and anger.  
  
"That would be wise, I think," Wufei responded, "... I will call you later to discuss another session with Maxwell."  
  
Quatre's eyes widened, "Not tomorrow!"  
  
"No, of course not... it can wait. What was most important has been said, and it is more than enough," Wufei turned to go even deeper into the hospital, towards Heero's room," Until then, Winner."  
  
Quatre only managed a nod, and after looking back though the door a moment at Duo's blank and sweat-soaked face, walked away sighing, eyes watching the floor more carefully than where he was going.  
  
Trowa watched them both go. Hoping Quatre and Duo would be fine on their own for awhile, he decided to follow Wufei to see if Heero was willing to cooperate this time.  
  
---  
  
Heero had woken up awhile ago, but he kept his eyes closed, trying to evaluate his situation. He wasn't dead, and it took him a moment before he remembered why. Now he figured they knew about his suicide attempt which is why they'd placed the restraints on him... not that the restraints themselves could stop him from doing anything, the guard was another matter. The only reason he'd been able to overtake the first guard was because he had the element of surprize... if the current guard was assigned to him, it was doubtful that he or she would not notice him ripping off the restraints.  
  
His head ached much more dully than before, and Heero figured it has something to do with whatever it was they gave him to make sure he stayed under for awhile. It also made him feel weaker than he had been before though... did they do that on purpose?  
  
As Heero contemplated on the fastest, most efficient way to kill himself, he heard a familiar voice speak quietly with the person whose breathing tipped him off to their presence when he first woke up (presumably, this person was the guard). He opened his eyes at last to met Wufei's onyx ones.   
  
Inside those eyes was rage. Had they the power, Wufei's eyes could have burned holes straight through Heero. Heero kept his expression impassive, though he was unsure of what Wufei was going to do or say. Clicking on the tape recorder, Wufei began to speak.  
  
"Maxwell woke up today."  
  
Heero's eyes widened and his heart leapt. He hadn't killed Duo! But, was there any permanent damage? What if he'd crippled him? A million thoughts raced through him and while confusing flashes of emotion Heero could not easily identify rampaged within. Trowa, who had been watching Heero carefully, saw some of the pieces of the wall he placed between himself and the outside world fall away. Trowa couldn't be sure what it meant.  
  
After a pause, Wufei continued, "He told me and Winner who attacked him."  
  
There was another silence as Wufei gave Heero the chance to confess on his own. Heero's thoughts went a mile a minute, unsure what this could mean. No, he did not want to deny what he had done. He wasn't trying to hide it... but, if he was arrested, then he would have a smaller window of opportunity to exact his own revenge against himself... to end this miserable existence of his, where he could do nothing but play his memories in his mind, always asking in the end 'why?'  
  
"He told me it was you."  
  
Moments of quiet passed before Wufei spoke again, "But then, you can't remember, can you?"  
  
Heero still failed to respond.  
  
Flipping the tape recorder off for a moment, Wufei hissed, "Justice will be done in this, Yuy, even if it is not imposed by law. You may want to think on that." He then flipped the recorder back on.  
  
Heero thought of the prospect of Wufei avenging Duo for a moment. He was probably threatening to do so because Wufei knew they didn't have enough evidence to convict him easily. Wufei's justice would probably be closer to what he deserved than any punishment the law could enforce... but, should Wufei be caught...  
  
Heero thought a moment longer on his options, and carefully said (due to his still broken jaw), "Yes, Duo is correct, it was me."  
  
Wufei's eyes narrowed into slits. How could Yuy be so casual about this?! Of course, had Wufei not been so infuriated, he might have noticed Heero was not being his normal stoic self. Trowa saw it in little things.. Heero's eyes... his tone of voice that was slightly off... and the fact he was clutching the sheets like they were going to spring up and try to run away at any given moment...  
  
Wufei growled, "Is that your confession?"  
  
Heero nodded slightly even though the pain in skull intensified ten fold.  
  
Heero could tell by the look in Wufei's eye he was disgusted, furious, and maybe just a little disappointed. Wufei wanted to scream at Heero, and then tear his eyes from his head. Forcing himself to calm and remain professional, Wufei said through clenched teeth, "I'm placing you under arrest for aggravated assault and the attempted murder of Duo Maxwell."  
  
Before he thought about what he was saying, Heero cried, "I never tried to kill him!"  
  
"Well you nearly did!" Wufei shouted at him, "Can you imagine the damage you've done?! Do you have any idea?" Bringing his voiced down to just above a whisper, he continued, "For all I know, Maxwell is already dead in spirit... his body just fails to realize..."  
  
Heero's eyes widened, the terrible pain in his jaw forgotten completely, though his tone remained basically the same, "What do you mean?"   
  
"You know, Yuy, at one time I thought you were sensible with your rejection of emotion... but, you only see one dimension, don't you? You're only thinking of Maxwell's physical injuries, aren't you?" Wufei gave him a cold glare. "Duo trusted you, Duo loved you... and what did you do to him..?" Wufei looked away from Heero, remembering what had occurred less than 20 minutes ago, "You haven't seen him... you haven seen the glaze over his eyes... you didn't see him cry... I have never seen Maxwell cry... not even those OZ bastards beat him!"  
  
Shock rippled throughout Heero... it was true, he had failed to think about what Duo was _feeling_. A thousand swords pierced what was left of his heart... to her Wufei describe Duo.. he knew it was bad... what had he done? Though he fought against them, tears came into his own eyes...   
  
Who was he kidding? He thought he could 'avenge' Duo... Had he just been acting under false pretenses? Had he been so absorbed in his own emotion that he failed to consider Duo's entirely?   
  
Had that been what he'd been doing the entire time?  
  
Wufei seemed to be caught off guard by Heero's misty eyes, but not for long. Right now, he had no pity. "I will be leaving now... a police officer will come to replace your current guard.. once you are out of this hospital, you will be transferred into a detention cell."  
  
Trowa looked down at Heero, and he could find not find pity for him, either. Seeing Duo again today clinched it. He didn't believe he could ever forgive Heero for what he'd done...  
  
~~~end  
  
It woulda been longer had I the time to make it longer... but I decided I had better just hurry up and get you poor reader the part!  
  
I'm exhausted... oi, my readers, forgive me for yet another tremendously long wait! Ugh, I'll do my best to make the next part come out in less than a month (since that seems to be my current average..)... I will finish this series! I will!  
  
Please review. It encourages me.  
  
^^SnK^^  
-shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com  
-http://www.geocities.com/shinigaminokamikaze  



	12. Giving Away an Angel - Part 11

I don't own Gundam Wing or any part of London After Midnight's "Shatter", the assorted lyrics of which appear from time to time in the fic in //...//. As I often, if not always, suggest, listen to the song.... of course, I realize that's hard to do, considering that probably none of you have even heard of London After Midnight. On the slim chance you have, though, I believe the Psycho Magnet version of this song would be better to listen to than the live, though both are quite good and have different charms. The live version of the song is more distant ..ethereal, maybe... and probably most approachable for those not used to the type of music LAM puts out, while I believe the Psycho Magnet (album) version is more powerful... but on to other matters....  
  
The following fic contains shounen ai, angst, and could contain cussing. If you have a problem with any of that, go away.  
  
Anyway, about the long wait, I'm sorry... I really am... but, thing is, these past months haven't been the best for me; writing has been loooooow on the priority list. Forgive me?  
  
And the forecast for more GAA chapters? They'll come, one way or 'nother. I seem to have more time now, so I may devote some of that time to this fic. Depends on response, really. If interest in the story has died (not that I would be surprised or bitter about it), then I won't work so hard on it. Why work on something no one is reading? That's why it's important to review! If I don't get any sign this thing is being read, I'll use most of my writing time on other fanfic projects. If there's interest, then I'd hope to get the next part out in a reasonable amount of time, rather than the inordinately long wait we all suffered last time.... please, please forgive me for that!!  
  
Sorry for all the idle chatter. At last, the fic!  
  
  
Giving Away an Angel  
Part 11  
by Shinigami no kamikaze (shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com)  
  
//And you really want to believe it's impossible,  
You really want to believe it's all a dream,  
But you just can't seem to wake up,  
You just can't seem to turn on the light,  
One step off the edge, and your world will seem alright..//  
  
  
When he had gotten to the sanctuary his room provided, Quatre broke down sobbing... he had to release some of the unbearable tension inside of him. The emptiness of the room that he and his lover had once shared was oppressive, but it was the only possible place he could go. He had no one to turn to.  
  
Trowa was dead, and unable to comfort him. Duo was wounded physically and emotionally, so badly that Quatre wasn't sure he'd survive ..if he did, could he ever recover? Wufei was consumed with the need to make things right, and Heero.... Heero had put it all in motion.  
  
Quatre didn't even know for whom he was crying for... for himself, for all the things he was endanger of losing? Or for Duo, and all the suffering he was being put through? For Trowa? For Wufei? For Heero? For the millions of other horrible, unexplainable things that happened everyday all over the world? For all these things at once?   
  
When he was exhausted and his tears ran dry, he tried to put it all in perspective... to stop merely feeling the nightmarish tempest of his emotions, to make sense of it.  
  
No matter how hard it was to believe, or even imagine, Heero was the one who hurt Duo. His heart wanted to deny it, to say Heero was not capable, but intellectually he knew it was so. But why? Why would Heero do it?  
  
Thinking back on what he'd seen of Heero since after their hospitalization, it seemed that Heero was the one most upset about what had happened. Quatre knew Heero could not have feigned his pain and sorrow... he wasn't experienced enough in emoting to be able to trick Quatre by faking his feelings.   
  
And then there was the matter of Heero's suicide attempt. It didn't seem to fit. Was he feeling guilty? Did he feel regret? Then, again, Quatre had to wonder why he had done it in the first place...  
  
Whatever the reason, the damage was done. To see Duo in so much agony was painful and shocking. He was so used to seeing Duo as his energetic, optimistic self... even on he rare occasions he was somber, there was a certain spark that lurked just beneath the surface of his amethyst eyes.   
  
If that spark was even still there, Quatre thought mournfully, it was buried in Duo's misery and pain... and, Quatre sensed, some of that pain was older than he would have ever imagined...  
  
But he was forced to face the fact that he simply did not know enough. Quatre knew that Duo must feel betrayed, but beyond that, he couldn't even guess what caused Duo such anguish. And comprehending Heero's motives... there was no where he even could begin.  
  
It was now that he realized how little he knew about the two of them. All he could do was lament over the things they hadn't shared. If only he had spent more time with the both of them, or even one of them..  
  
"Could I have prevented this?"  
  
Cold silence reminded him of his solitude. No Trowa to guide him, to lay his anxieties to rest... There was no one he could seek solace in.  
  
So it was alone he wrestled with unanswered questions all night.  
  
---  
  
Trowa stood watching over Duo, hoping that, on some level, Duo could sense he wasn't alone... that, by standing here, he helped keep Duo in this world and out of the next.  
  
A slim hope, but he had to have something... anything. Everything was at stake here... Duo's life, Quatre's life, his afterlife... their happiness...   
  
Duo was completely unconscious, or so it seemed, for Trowa couldn't access Duo's dreams. If he was dreaming, he was too far away... or too well hidden.  
  
"Why do you hide?" Trowa asked vainly, "You'll kill yourself trying to help alleviate another's suffering, but when you're hurting you hide... You lock it up inside of yourself.... You don't let anyone know or anyone help. What happened to you? Why do you do that?"  
  
It was more than recent events. Duo had been building this all up since.... well, it had been going on for far too long, and it all was catching up to Duo now. How could he have been so blind to his suffering? How could Duo conceal it so well?  
  
Anger burned up inside of him once more. No matter how many times he tried to snuff out the flame, it was always lurking within him. Before all this, Heero must have known about Duo's nightmares; it was not something Duo could really control. Had he not found it important? Why didn't he help Duo, or, if he didn't know how, why didn't he seek help for Duo? Maybe Heero was a heartless bastard before this incident. Maybe he'd always been.  
  
Trowa shook his head. Did he even mean that venomous thought? He was filled with such rage over what Heero'd done and such frustration with Duo's condition...  
  
No, it wasn't only that. It was the doubt. The voice inside him that told him he was to blame for all this. Could this all have been avoided had he left Duo and Heero alone? Was it wrong of him to alter the living world?  
  
There was no way for him to tell for certain. All Trowa could do, for the moment, was watch and wait.  
  
---  
  
There was a click as the tape stopped.   
  
"I... I never would have believed...," Sally began.  
  
"What are we going to do? I... I want to kill the bastard who hurt Maxwell so badly, but...." Wufei fell lifelessly into the chair in front of Sally's desk, having paced the office the entire time the tape had played, "I am... hesitant... more so than I have shown to the others. I... I liked Yuy. He was my comrade, a fellow warrior..."  
  
Sally remained silent, and let Wufei run on... he rarely spoke out loud about any of his problems, and when he did, he usually came to her. She was the only one who knew when to be quiet and when to speak up.  
  
"I ... I would persecute him to the fullest extent the law will allow. I would push for the maximum sentence in everything, but... I do not... connect... with many people. I suppose he is already dead to me, for the Yuy I knew would not have ever done something like this, but I ... I do not wish to let go of one of the few I could call friend. If it is this hard for me, then what could it possibly be like for Maxwell? How would he react if we nailed Yuy to the wall with this? I... He is hurt badly.. You would have to see his eyes, Sally, before you could know how badly. He is dying... spiritually if not physically... and I do not know how to help him. I would kill this thing Yuy has become with my bare hands if I thought it would bring him some peace, but..." Wufei sighed, "I don't know.."   
  
"It seems to me you are lacking one important piece of information," Sally said softly.  
  
"What?" Wufei demanded.  
  
"Motive.. his actions don't seem to fit together very well. Had he really wanted Duo dead, I'm sure he could have finished the job when he escaped from his room the first time. He could have probably even made it seem natural by shutting off Duo's life support, but instead he tries to commit suicide.  
  
"Then, at first, it seems like he is attempting to conceal his guilt by claiming amnesia, but when you tell him Duo accused him, he confesses _without even listening to the proof that Duo said any such thing_. He just comes clean... you could have been lying, for all he knew. It doesn't seem right."  
  
Wufei thought about it carefully, "You're right..." He wondered how he could miss something so obvious ... Probably it was because he was so caught up in trying to punish whomever had done this, the why hadn't seemed nearly as important. He would need to think on this.  
  
"I should leave you to your work," Wufei said as he stood.  
  
"You know I always have time for you, Wufei."  
  
Wufei was already heading out the door, and his only response was the dismissing wave of a hand.   
  
Sally sighed, popping out the tape and examining it carefully, as if staring at it could somehow make sense of everything that was happening. A lone question broke the quiet of the office.  
  
"Haven't they all been through enough?"  
  
---  
  
Quatre wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting. Hours ran together as he waited for a twitch, a tremble, or any other sign of life from the pale shadow of a boy that lay next to him. The white sheets and Duo's abnormally ashen skin only served to make starker contrast with the bruises, highlighting their obscenity.  
  
The moment he'd been waiting for arrived when a series of weak coughs penetrated his hearing. Quatre's breath hitched in his throat as Duo's eyes opened. Having still not noticed Quatre, or, indeed, anything at all, a low moan escaped from his dry lips, cracking as his voice failed him. As the sound died, Duo's eyes closed once more, not wanting nor willing to see the world that wounded him so.  
  
Stunned into keeping the silence for a few moments longer, finally Quatre ventured a quiet, "Duo...?"  
  
Heavy eyelids were once more forced up. Duo winced as he turned his head, and, with some surprise, asked, "Quatre?" His voice was still weak, but rest had helped make it stronger.  
  
Quatre gave a gentle, encouraging smile, "I'm here."  
  
With genuine confusion, Duo asked, "Why?"  
  
"I'm here for you, Duo. I'm concerned about you. I care about you. " Was it just hiss imagination, or had Duo shrunk away from him when he'd said that? Undaunted, Quatre continued, "I want to help you, to be here for you, to be someone you can talk to, someone who'll listen..."  
  
There was a light trickle of laugher that turned into coughing. Laughter was hardly a name for it. It was a mockery of laughter, a humorless thing corrupted by pain.   
  
"Do you not believe me?"  
  
The only sound was that of the heart monitor. They sat that way, unchanging, for several minutes.  
  
"Duo... you've never lied to me before. Don't start now. What is wrong? At least tell me why you don't trust me. Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?"  
  
At first, Quatre got no response. Slowly, Duo's eyes came to met his and he held the gaze. They lacked life; they were nothing but avatars of suffering. It was the answer he had sought. Duo couldn't trust anything, because Duo lacked hope.  
  
//I'd sooner slit my wrists and risk discovery of Hell,  
Than stay another moment here, where certain devils dwell//  
  
It was almost enough to sap the hope straight out of Quatre. He wanted to fall apart right there, to cry over the loss of the American, even though he wasn't dead... not yet, anyway. He knew that Duo wouldn't survive much longer the way he was. Either he would fade away, here, in the hospital, or he would end his life outside of it though neglect or more direct means. Now it was all the more urgent that Quatre reach him.  
  
Eyes still locked with Duo's, Quatre said sternly, "I'm not giving up on you."  
  
Turning away so as to hide forming tears from Quatre, Duo nearly pleaded with him, "Please, please... I don't want you t-- Just leave me alone. It's best that way."  
  
Quatre was on the edge of tears himself, but he couldn't lose control of himself lest he drove Duo further away from him.. from this world. "I can't. I won't. I won't lose you."  
  
In a heartbreakingly flat tone, Duo whispered, "I'm already lost."  
  
"Don't talk that way. It's not true." Quatre was unsure if he believed it himself. He couldn't afford to doubt, but it had already began to infect him.  
  
"You said yourself, I've never lied to you."  
  
Straining to keep the desperation from his voice, Quatre continued, "Duo, you have to have some faith in me... that I can help."  
  
"Don't talk to me about faith," Duo snapped acidly.   
  
Quatre winced as if stung. Why such a harsh reaction? What hurt him so? Approaching this directly wasn't working. If he admitted some of his own fears, would Duo be willing to share some of his?  
  
"I have to help. I can't lose you like this!" Duo turned to face Quatre as he spoke, "...I care too much about you. I cannot sit idly by while life pries away from me another one of the few people I've allowed close to me. I have to help this time... I cannot stand to watch helplessly as those I care about are lost.... not again."  
  
Something he said had reached Duo, had touched something deep inside him. Quatre could see in Duo's eyes a desperate longing for understanding and acceptance, a need to reach out to someone... anyone.. who wouldn't hurt him.  
  
Suppressing his urge to touch the American, knowing last time it had only caused his withdrawal, Quatre said softly, "Please, tell me what's wrong..."  
  
He knew a moment later it was the wrong thing to say. Defenses flaring back up, Quatre could do nothing but watch as Duo retreated back into himself... into his misery and pain. Curing his choice of words, he struggled to think of something that could bring that part of Duo that had shown itself for a fraction of a second back to the surface.  
  
//No, not again... No, never again... I'll never trust...//  
  
Duo couldn't believe he'd nearly given in to the temptation of letting someone in. He should know better by now! No matter how much it hurt to deny Quatre, he couldn't risk it. He knew what would happen. All those who'd come before Quatre who'd promised help had died, ripping away more of him and carrying it away with them... and then there was Heero. Duo shuddered.  
  
"Duo...?" came Quatre's soft voice. Damn him! Damn him and his innocence, his naivety! ... He didn't know what he was asking for. He couldn't imagine. He also didn't know how much it tore at Duo to keep him from what he wanted to know, to keep him away from the fate of all the others who'd offered their hearts to a nothing like him. There was nothing Duo wanted more than to pretend like he had some worth, to let someone else comfort him, but it brought nothing but ruin to those who had tried. He couldn't risk it.  
  
"Leave," he said, his own fear that Quatre would reach him leaking into his voice.  
  
"Duo...please.."  
  
"Leave, or I'll call the nurse to make you leave!"  
  
Duo repressed all the pain that came from seeing Quatre's broken expression. Letting Quatre see that would only encourage him to stay. After looking deep into Duo's eyes, in a way that made Duo very uncomfortable, he finally got up.  
  
"I'm coming back. We will talk," Quatre said with a strength that hadn't been there in the beginning. Why was that? Duo didn't understand, but felt some relief that Quatre would willingly go away.  
  
Reluctantly, Quatre made his way to the exit, pausing in the doorway a long moment. Then he stepped out, hurriedly making his way from the room, leaving Duo alone with the ghosts of his past.  
  
Turning his head away from the door, Duo caught his warped reflection in the metal of his IV stand. He saw the bruises. Why had he let Heero near him? Why didn't he know better?  
  
//You did it again,  
Yes, you in the mirror,  
You put your faith in a cruel world..  
All my dead friends come to haunt, harm, and hinter,  
Never letting go..//  
  
Duo broke down into uncontrollable sobbing. He couldn't stop it, and he couldn't tell exactly why. The tears were too strong for him, and he had no choice but to give in to them.  
  
//Here to drag me down to Hell...//  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~end  
  
  
shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com  
http://www.geocities.com/shinigaminokamikaze/ 


	13. Giving Away an Angel Part 12

I feel terrible.  I just have to finish this.  I have to!

I don't own Gundam Wing.  This fic contains angst, shounen ai, possibly cursing, and… yeah.  I think that's pretty much it.

Giving Away an Angel – Part 12

By Shinigami no Kamikaze

"Duo…"

Just as the blonde had promised, when Duo woke in the morning, Quatre was there, by Duo's bedside, to talk.  Duo wasn't sure how long ago that had been, but the visit just seemed to drag into eternity.  He wouldn't talk to Quatre… he couldn't.  And it hurt; it hurt worse than when he was alone.  It hurt to hear the desperation and confusion in Quatre's voice.  It hurt to have to keep the blonde away. 

"Duo, please…" Quarte pleaded, "Please, talk to me…"

There was a long silence, broken only by the soft beeps from the medical equipment monitoring Duo.  Quatre wanted to scream, he wanted to cry – anything to drown out those monitors, to end the silence, to release his frustration and pain.  

Just when Quatre thought he was going to give in to one of his urges, Duo rasped, "Heero…. What happened to Heero…?"

Trowa was caught off guard by Duo's question.  Fires of rage lit in Trowa's eyes.  If Duo was thinking of returning to the man who'd beaten him… if he blamed himself for what had happened…  The sting of tears replaced the fires of rage in his eyes.  He knew Duo couldn't help his feelings for Yuy…   oh, how could that bastard have betrayed Duo like this?  He hoped he was wrong… He hoped that Duo only asked to be sure Heero's arrest or imprisonment… not because he felt sympathy for him.

Quatre knew it was a natural thing to ask, but he hesitated.  How much information should he volunteer?  How would Duo react if he knew what Heero had attempted to do to himself?

"He's been placed under arrest.  They have guards outside his room until the hospital releases him—"  Quatre stopped suddenly when, for the first time that day, Duo looked up into his eyes.  Those amethyst orbs held so much pain, so much anguish… 

"Hospitalized?!" Duo managed, horrified.  Heero had hurt him, but…  He'd loved Heero.  Maybe he still did.  Why did everyone he cared about suffer?  He thought it had been safe to love the perfect soldier…  Who could hurt someone so strong?  Who could have hurt him?!  Tears came back into his eyes, and he tried to push them away.  He didn't want to feel bad for Heero.  He should hate Heero for what he'd done, but how could he blame Heero when all Duo brought with him was ruin?

"You didn't know…?"  Quatre had naturally assumed…  "He had a severe concussion--"

"Who.. who did..?"

"It wasn't you?"  Quatre had thought Duo had managed to defend himself somehow.  Trowa frowned, knowing that they couldn't know that he'd been the one to put Yuy in the hospital…

"No… it happened so fast… never had a chance to throw a single—" Duo's voice cracked.  He didn't want to remember.

"It's all right now, Duo," Quatre said gently, even though he knew it wasn't alright.  How he wished he hadn't said anything…  Who could say what Duo was feeling now?  But at the same time, he wondered who else could have put Heero down, and why Heero had not said anything about being attacked...

Duo turned his head away from Quatre.  This was too much…  Who else would he hurt with his love?  Maybe he deserved exactly what he got, if only for different reasons…  He should have died… he should have died so many times..

"Duo…?" Quatre asked with concern in his voice, seeing tremors shake the American's slight frame.

"Please… leave me alone...  I'm tired…"  It wasn't a lie.  But more importantly, Duo wanted Quatre as far away as possible.  It would be better if the blonde just stopped caring about a piece of trash like him…

Hesitating, Quatre opened his mouth to say something… anything… to comfort Duo, but looking at his trembling back, Quatre could not think of one thing that could make it more bearable for him.  "Alright Duo…  but I'll be back tomorrow…"

When Quatre had gone, Trowa watched as Duo shook with silent sobs.  Trowa knelt by him, heart torn at the sight.  "Duo, please… Don't feel responsible for what I did to Heero.  I had to.  He would have killed you… he might not have intended to, but _he would have killed you_.  I couldn't let that happen.  Not just for Quatre… I still care for you.  I just wish you remembered.  I just wish you could hear me…"

---

Trowa caught up with Quatre as the blonde made it back to his room.  He'd sat with Duo until the boy had finally fallen asleep, to see if he could join Duo's dreams, but, apparently, the drugs kept Duo's sleep dreamless.  At the very least, he hoped that much was a relief of some of the burden that threatened to destroy the beautiful shinigami.

He watched Quatre collapse into the bed, tears in his eyes.  Was there no end to the tears his loved ones would shed?  Trying to push that thought aside, he kept his gaze on his little one.  

He couldn't blame Quatre for despairing.  Duo seemed determined to stay beyond the reach of those who wanted to help him, as if he were afraid…  But then, Trowa could not blame Duo, either.  After what Heero had done, it was no surprise Duo shied from Quatre, always evading his best efforts to open the American up a little…

And now… Trowa had no idea what Duo's reaction to the news on Heero could have meant.  Had he expected Duo's feelings for Heero simply to evaporate?  Honestly, he had, but Trowa should have known bonds like that never broke cleanly… assuming it had broken.  What was he going to do if it hadn't?

---

Duo awoke.  Each time he slipped into the blessed, dreamless sleep the painkillers gave him, he prayed it would last forever.  It never did.  Bitter tears collected in Duo's eyes, but he did not let them fall.

His eyes ran over the room.  It was dark except for the light up displays of his vitals.  The hospital was quiet.  Night.  

It had been easy enough to figure out where Heero was.  It was natural to assume that he was at the same hospital Duo was in.  That in mind, it was literally as simple as asking.  The orderly had told him all he needed to know  when he'd asked if anyone under guard was at the hospital.  

"Don't worry, the only one's up on floor six."  

It would be easy enough to see which of the doors had an officer standing outside once he got to floor six.  What to do with the guard…  well, that he'd have to figure out later….

Duo carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed, though he nearly screamed when he sat up.  The pain in his abdomen overtook every other thought in Duo's mind, the drugs only able to do so much to stem the tide of agony that screamed through his nerves.  Paralyzed by the sudden explosion of pain, Duo fell forward out of the bed and onto the floor hard.  He gave a choked cry as that pain spread from his abdomen to his entire body, and he lay limply where he had fallen, panting for air, unable to do anything else.  After the pain died down some, returning to an ache that encompassed but did not cripple him, he listened carefully to the noises around him.  Apparently, no one had heard.

Biting his lip, Duo used his good arm to push himself up.  Pain threatened to overtake him, but he did not suffer all that just to give up.  He could care less what happened to him in the long run… he just had to find Heero.  Now.  Carefully, he pulled out the IV inserted into his arm and tossed it aside.

Crawling at an achingly slow place, he went to the outlet where the monitors were plugged in.  He ripped the cords out, and the monitors all went dead, leaving Duo blind until his eyes adjusted to the new level of darkness.  Then he pulled off every last vestige of the medical equipment that had been tapped onto him, until only the hospital gown, the cast on his arm, and the bandages remained.

Placing his back against the wall, Duo pushed himself up until he was standing, biting savagely into his lip to keep from passing out.  His legs felt so weak, they hurt so much… but Duo forced himself to keep going, leaning heavily on the wall for support.  He made it back to his IV stand.  Taking advantage of its mobility, he used it to help support his weight as he made his way toward the door.

Somehow, Duo made it out to the hallway and looked around.  It was deserted.  Down one way light spilled into the hall, like a nurse station was there.  He went the opposite way, looking for the elevator… not that he wanted to risk using it, but there was no way he could force himself up stairs.

There was no one on the elevator when Duo got on, which was a small mercy.  He pushed the button for floor six.  The elevator hummed to life while Duo looked down and noticed small red stains on the front of his gown.  It occurred to him that it should probably worry him, but he couldn't make himself care.  It didn't matter… he didn't matter…  all that mattered was getting to Heero.  To see for himself…

The doors opened, and Duo cautiously slipped out into the corridor.  He'd been lucky so far.  Most of the hospital seemed dead here, so far from the chaos of the emergency room....  Duo forced himself forward on battered limbs, looking down to each end of the hallway.  No signs of a guard either way.  

The rest of his journey was a blur.  He got weaker with each step, and he felt the warmth of his own blood as it seeped through his bandages.  He drove his nails into the skin of his hand when the world began to go grey, forcing himself to cling to consciousness, spurring himself onward—to where, exactly, he did not even know.  He had to duck out of the way to avoid a nurse in the hall once, but still he searched until, finally, he saw a chair outside one of the rooms.  By some miracle, it was empty.

The guard was off flirting with the duty nurse…  It appeared that there was a reason why he was given shit jobs like guard duty.  Despite the perfect opportunity it gave Heero, he stayed in his room.  Suicide had been a rash decision; he hadn't thought of anyone else besides himself…  It was Duo he'd hurt… it was Duo who he would let decide his fate…

Just as he was thinking it, he heard noise outside his room.  It must have been nearly 3AM; who could be out there…?  It definitely was not the guard, who had a long and even stride..

Duo found some small reserve of strength as he forced himself to move faster, leaving the IV stand behind and stumbling toward the room.  He opened the door, and saw Heero looking at him, his eyes wide with horror and shock.  "Duo?!?"

Duo's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Heero.  Seeing Heero alive both relieved and terrified him.  Even in the dim light, he saw the bruises over Heero's face, the IV stuck in his arm…  Heero's aura of invulnerability was shattered in Duo's mind.  And how had this become of the perfect soldier?  It was _him_.  It was his fault; it always was… the ones he cared for, they were always hurt...  

But as Duo looked at his lover, the burning question in his mind… the one that had been there since Heero first threw him into that wall… came to his lips.  

"Why?"

He had to hear the answer from Heero's lips… Even if he'd deserved it, _he had to hear Heero say it._

This was the first time Heero had seen his handiwork.  One of Duo's eyes was nearly swollen shut.  A large bruise dominated the right side of his face.  There was a ring of more bruises circling Duo's neck, bruises Heero knew were from _his_ fingers cutting off Duo's breath.  His left arm was in a cast, and still more bruises covered what could be seen of his slender form.  It was horrible.  But the thing that made Heero's heart stop in his chest was the blood staining Duo's hospital gown.  He heard Duo's soft and pitiful croon of 'why?', but couldn't even think as he stared at Duo's battered body.  He felt tears come into his own eyes, mouth frozen, unable to move a muscle.

Duo whispered the question again, his voice weak, and, as if his body sensed he had done what he'd come to do, it failed him.  The world spun, and Duo crumpled in the doorway.

"DUO!!" Heero screamed with every fiber of his being as the American collapsed.  His eyes were clouded with tears, and he tried to go to Duo, but the restraints held him back.  With a roar, Heero ripped one of his arms free without another thought, tearing the rest away with his free hand even as his wrist began bleeding freely over the sheets.

He surged forward.  Heero's head swam, but he ignored the pain as he scrambled to Duo's side.  Picking the braided boy up as gently he could, Heero cradled him against his chest, tears falling from his cheeks onto Duo's ashen face.

Duo's eyes twitched as the rain of tears fell on him, but they did not open.  Unable to think straight, he called Duo's name again, trying to call him back from the edge of the darkness, and watched as Duo cringed and tried to pull away.  And in that heart shattering moment, he knew his lover feared him, and, looking down at Duo's broken body, understood he had good reason to.  Regret drove daggers into the remnants of Heero's heart as he whispered Duo's name with all the gentility he had, not wanting to scare Duo or cause him pain…

And then Duo opened his eyes, his hollow gaze looking past Heero.  In those eyes… the despair… the anguish..  What had he done?

His screaming had brought the guard back, who now had his gun drawn.  Only distantly did Heero hear the commands to surrender, to step away from Duo.  The guard thought he had done this?

Who was Heero kidding?  He did do this.  All of this… it started with him.

Helplessly he watched as Duo's eyes flickered and shut again.  Heero turned to the guard who was still threatening him with his gun, and shouted, "Get a doctor!  He needs help!"

"Put him down, and back away slowly.." The guard started to repeat.

There wasn't time to argue with the guard, to explain…  Duo needed help now.  And if that help would only come if he let Duo go…

Duo was better off without him.  

"I'm sorry."  The whispered words were so empty and meaningless.  He lay Duo on the ground, and stood against the far wall with his hands raised, even though his head throbbed whenever he moved.

The guard rushed over to secure him, shouting an all clear as a member of hospital security came.  The security officer grabbed his radio while dropping to Duo's side, calling for an emergency trauma team.  Within moments, medical personnel began streaming into the room, though it took a few minutes for a gurney to come take Duo away.

Meanwhile, the guard patted Heero down and said things Heero never heard.  All he could hear was that one haunted word whispered from his angel's lips.

_Why?_

---

The call came in at 5:24 AM.  Since no one ever called him at this hour unless it was important, Wufei picked up immediately, and met Sally's somber eyes.

"Wufei, something's happened at the hospital… the initial report we have from the guard on Heero's room claims he escaped and assaulted Duo…"

Wufei's eyes went wide, rage boiling up inside of him, flooding his thoughts.  Sally saw the fire in his eyes, and quickly went on,  "They've got Heero back under guard—"

"Duo?" Wufei asked as soon as his mind started working again.

"No word yet.  They want advice on how to proceed down there…"

"I will be there shortly," Wufei growled, cutting the transmission off before Sally had a chance to react.  He'd been so stupid!  One guard on Heero Yuy?  Wounded or no, he was stupid… and if Duo died because of his miscalculation…

---

It took Wufei's appearance to snap Heero out of his daze, to discover that everything was not just some terrible nightmare.  He saw the cold hate in Wufei's eyes as he stared at Heero, ordering the others still lingering in the room to wait outside.

"I didn't… take… Duo," Heero said quietly.  He would have liked to have said he didn't hurt Duo, but that was about the furthest thing from the truth that there was.

"I believe you," Wufei replied shortly, "Believe me; if I did not, we wouldn't be having this conversation."  The dangerous look in Wufei's eyes told Heero all he needed to know about would have happened if Wufei suspected him.

"You would not kidnap Maxwell from his room just to take him back to your own to kill him.  You may be many things, Yuy, but you aren't stupid.  But apparently the guard believes me to be stupid.  He wasn't here to see what really happened, was he?"

"No." Heero said flatly.

"What was he doing?"  Wufei expected that Heero knew.  Heero never missed a thing, and he doubted that had changed, no matter what he had become…

"Flirting with the duty nurse."

"He will be disciplined for his gross negligence and removed from the force," Wufei said, eyes darkening.  "But why did you not escape then?"

"I do not want to escape."  This much was true.  He would no longer presume to know what his punishment should be.  His fate was no longer in his own hands.

"Why?"

Heero froze, and Wufei was taken aback by the sudden pain in his eyes.

_Why?_

Shutting his eyes, trying to push away the memory of Duo's pleading voice, he replied, "Because I deserve to die… I deserve anything else that befalls me."

There were several moments of silence as Wufei evaluated Heero's sincerity.  He wanted to be punished… he was willing to accept death for his actions…  Wufei was unsure what to think about Heero for that.  It certainly did not uncomplicate the matter of Heero's original motive… but other issues were at hand.

"What did happen?" Wufei finally said.

"I heard noise outside my door, after the guard had left.  Duo opened it.  He.." the awful sight played itself in Heero's memory again, "…he was already bleeding badly.  He fainted.  I freed myself and went to him.  The guard heard the sound, and recaptured me.  A security guard came in behind him and called the hospital staff for Duo…" Finally Heero had an opportunity to ask, "How is he?"

Wufei hesitated.  What were Heero's intentions?  …There was no way Heero was feigning the anxiety and concern in his voice.  If anything, he was trying to hide it, the way he hid everything.  But, did he really deserve to know?

"He's in surgery.  I don't know more than that."

"Thank you."

Wufei scowled, "I do not want to hear those words from you."

Heero looked away from Wufei.  He could understand his reaction…  

"Why did Duo come to see you?"

Heero's hands clenched into fists as he heard the voice in his mind again.  _Why..?  _

"…to ask me why…"  

The words were spoken so softly, Wufei was unsure he had heard them.  "Did you answer him?"

"No… there wasn't time…"  What Heero did not say was that he did not know what he could have told Duo in any case.  How could he have lost all control?  Why did he hurt the one he loved?

Why?

~~~end

….must continue this last push 'til the end…

Comments always appreciated.  So if you find it in your heart to do so even though I've been a mean bastard and haven't updated in a year, you'll have my gratitude.

-Shinigami no kamikaze

shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com


	14. Giving Away an Angel Part 13

I am determined to finish this.  The only way I'll do it is if I write/release all this parts at once, that way I can't put it off any more…

Gundam Wing does not belong to me.  This fic contains shounen ai, cursing, and angst.  But if you've gotten to this part of the fic, I'm sure you knew that already.

(additional warning: dialogue heavy. Very dialogue heavy.)

Giving Away an Angel – Part 13

By Shinigami no Kamikaze

When Quatre got to this hospital that morning, he discovered Duo's room was empty.  His heart skipped a beat, but before his mind could envision any reason why, he heard a voice clear behind him.

"Mr. Winner…?"

Quatre whipped around to see a young uniformed woman, "I was told to wait for you.  Please come with me."

Too confused and worried to argue, Quatre did as he was told.  Unknown to him, Trowa followed closely behind.

She lead them to outside a private waiting room.  She opened the door carefully, Quatre overheard her say, "He's here."

"Then show him in." Wufei's voice was sharp.

Opening the door, the woman motioned Quatre in, then left the room, shutting the door behind her.  This left the blonde staring into angry and anxious onyx eyes.

"What is going on?  Where's Duo?"

"I tried to reach you by phone as soon as I could, but you'd already left for the hospit—"

"Where is Duo?" Quatre demanded.  The exact same thought was on Trowa's mind.  

"…He injured himself.  He went back into surgery at 3:36 am… if things go well, they expect him to be in the recovery room shortly."

"What?!" Quatre said, his voice rising, "How?"

"He left his room to see Heero."

"What?" Trowa exclaimed with shock.  What had Duo been thinking?    Quatre's expression betrayed the fact he did not understand, either.

"Why?" the blond asked.

Wufei sighed, "According to Heero, it was to ask him 'why'…but, to hear the answer from Duo… we will have to wait."

Quatre sat down slowly into one of the seats, his mind trying to sort everything out.  Duo wouldn't talk to him.  Duo wouldn't open up to him.  But he'd risked his life to see Heero again, to ask the question they all wanted to know the answer to…  

Trowa hands tightened up into fists.  Damn it!  He should have stayed with Duo.  He knew Duo was hurting, was vulnerable… but Trowa had left him alone.  If he'd been there, maybe he could have alerted someone before Duo hurt himself too badly…  Maybe he could have prevented this. 

So once again the three of them found themselves waiting, helpless, as Duo's life lay in the balance.

---

Pain greeted Duo as he started to come around.  Eyes cracking open, he realized with no small amount of despair that they had saved him.  Again.

Quatre saw that despair in his eyes, and it broke his heart.  "Duo…" he started softly.  Then he watched Duo start, and saw the barriers fall back into place.  He wanted to tell Duo to stop withdrawing, but it hadn't worked in the past.  Perhaps he was going about this the wrong way.

So he continued on, "Wufei's put a guard outside your room, for your protection and so you don't try anything like that again.  He's also put guards he can trust on Heero's room…"

Duo's eyes flickered a bit as they drifted away from Quatre.  The doctors had told him they'd used stronger medications to keep Duo from moving too much and tearing open his sutures again.  They'd warned him that it would probably decrease his attention span, and that he'd wear out faster.

"Duo?"

"What?" Duo asked flatly, his eyes returning to Quatre.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah… guards.. sure…" Duo said softly, eyes wandering away again.

Quatre sighed softly.  "Duo, why did you do it?  Why did you hurt yourself to see him?"

"Because I… I needed to see.  I needed to see if he was okay."

"Why didn't you just ask me?" Quatre asked, worry and fear plain in his voice, "What if he… what if you were hurt?"

"…. I needed to see," Duo repeated meekly.

"Why don't you trust me? Please, Duo…. Just tell me that much." Quatre pleaded.

"…. It's nothing you did.. it's not your fault… I just…" Duo stopped.  What was he doing?  He couldn't tell Quatre… he couldn't let anyone in.

"What, Duo?  What is it?"  Quatre was so close.  He could hear the wavering in Duo's voice.  Why was he still holding back?  What was so terrible that he was willing to let it rip him apart?

Quatre watched as Duo's eyes shifted off the blonde, looking just past him.  Turning back, Quatre could see the silhouette of the guard in the doorway.  Without a word from Duo, Quatre went to dismiss the guard, cursing himself for not having done so in the first place.  If Duo wouldn't open up to him alone, why would he when there was a stranger listening in?  Quatre was capable enough to watch Duo without the aide of the guard.

"I'm sorry, but my order--" The guard started but stopped dead when he saw the icey glare Quatre gave him.

"Tell Wufei, if you must.  But while I am here, you are not needed," he said harshly under his breath.

The guard looked uncertain.  "I will ask for confirmation..."  He looked reluctant to leave his post, which was to his credit, but ended up surrendering to Quatre's demand.  Quatre watched him walk down the hall, then shut the door behind him as he went back into the room.

"We're alone..." Quarte said as he went back to Duo's side, "So, please… tell me, why can't you talk to me?"

Duo turned his head away from Quatre with a wince.  He didn't want to tell Quatre, but didn't the blonde deserve to know?  Maybe then he'd finally understand.  Maybe then he'd leave Duo like all the others did… but there'd be one critical difference: he'd still be alive.

"…Can't trust…" Duo started softly, "… can't, because.. because… they always die…"

Quatre strained to hear.  "Who…?"

"Everyone.  Everyone who's ever cared for me…" Duo whispered, feeling the tears returning to his eyes.  "Don't you get it? …I'm not worthy of anyone's love!  …I always end up getting them hurt.. or worse…"

"Duo… That isn't true—"

Duo turned back suddenly to face Quatre, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears, filled with such hopelessness.  "No!  You don't understand!  You can't know…"

"I would if you'd just tell me!"

"…no… I don't want you to get hurt, too… don't want anymore.."

"Duo! I will be fine, jus—"

"No!"  Duo cried again, "No one is safe… no one…. Not even Heero!"  At the mention of his lover's name, the tears broke free and he gave a shuddering sob.  He tried to regain control of himself, but, in the end, he lay there, trembling, tears running down his cheeks.

"Oh, Duo…" Quatre began, unable to think of anything to say to convince Duo that he couldn't hurt him, but he couldn't just sit by and watch Duo suffer like this.  Knowing what happened the last time he tried to touch Duo, Quatre carefully reached his hand out, wanting to do something to let Duo he _wasn't alone.  Gently he laid his hand on Duo's back.  The braided boy didn't even seem to notice as he fought against the sobs.  Quatre began to rub his back in slow circles, reassuring Duo all the while._

When Duo's tears became more infrequent, his breaths more even, Quatre told him softly, "Duo, please… you can't keep this all inside yourself.  It will end up destroying you..."  Quatre felt as tears began to form at the edges of his own eyes, "…and I can't allow that.  I. can't. lose. you.  Don't you see, Duo?  Please… I can't lose you, too…"

Duo glanced up into Quatre's deep blue eyes and saw the pain there.  He looked back down at the hospital sheets, ashamed.  He didn't want Quatre to be hurt, but it seemed too late.  He didn't want Quatre to have to go through this over someone as worthless as he was!  But Quatre was too caring for his own good…

Maybe if he told Quatre what he wanted to know… if Quatre heard about all he'd done… maybe then he'd be horrified.  Maybe then he'd abandon Duo.  He didn't want to see hate in those beautiful eyes, but even if he saw what he wanted… no.  He wouldn't be selfish and doom Quatre to the fate the others suffered.

"…  I … I was orphaned when I was really young…  can't really remember my parents…  I grew up on the streets.  The only reason I survived those early years was 'cause of a gang of other orphans lead by this kid named Solo.  He found me scavenging in some back alley… I was pretty weak by then; I hadn't had a real meal in… .. …well, he let me have some food he'd stolen off some vendor.  He adopted me into his 'family', taught me how to survive…  He was like a brother to me."

The words started to come faster, spilling out from him with wills of their own.  He wouldn't have been able to stop himself even if he tried.  "Then the sickness came.  Disease was always a big problem in that colony, but this one was different…  It didn't just kill the weak, the old… it didn't just kill us gutterrats in the streets… it spread like wild fire, killing regardless of class or age.  The colony government rushed to get a vaccine, but there wasn't enough.  They charged for it, disturbed it in the good neighborhoods.  I mean, who cared if street urchins died by the shuttleloads?

Trowa remembered Duo's nightmare—no, Duo's memory… the broken syringe…  the screaming… 

Duo didn't stop, feeling strangely detached from it all.  Like he was watching someone else expose his past.  He felt so hallow... so empty.  "They started to publicly hang those who tried to steal the vaccine, letting us watch as they died slowly, as a warning to us all… but… but I couldn't just lay down and die quietly like they expected!  I went to steal some of the vaccine… I can't even remember how I managed to pull it off… but by the time I got back to others, we could already hear the rattling in Solo's breath… I tried to give it to him anyway, in the vain hope that the disease wouldn't run it's course… but it didn't matter.. I'd been too late… he died, while I could do nothing but watch…  just like my parents.."

Both Quatre and Trowa were horrified by the description of Duo's colony.  They had never known things had gotten so bad on L2… but, with communication between the colonies forbidden, and surviving records for the period having already survived the loving hands of Alliance censors…  

"Duo…" Quatre tried to begin.

"It didn't end there.  Fewer shuttles were willing to deliver supplies to our colony while the disease was still lingering.  Food was running short.  The only people who seemed to have any were the Alliance soldiers stationed there… desperate, what was left of Solo's gang tried to steal from them.  They caught us.  They might have even executed us, had it not been for Father Maxwell…

"He and Sister Helen ran this orphanage at their church… while the famine continued, they shared what they had with us.  Things got better, eventually.  Life started to return to normal…  Couples started coming to adopt.  I watched as the other kids got to go to homes.  I was left behind… too rowdy, too loud mouthed…  But that didn't seem to matter to Sister Helen or Father Maxwell.  When I sat up in my bed and cried, she would come to comfort me… if I got hurt, she'd bandage me.  I felt safe for the first time in my life…

"But we weren't left in peace.  Revolutionaries… selfish, hypocritical bastards unwilling to risk themselves… took our church hostage, demanding a mobile suit from the Alliance base.  I knew the Alliance's cruelty… I'd seen it on the gallows during the plague… I knew that Father Maxwell and Sister Helen couldn't be involved with these people.  They tried to reason with the rebels, but it was no use… so I slipped away to steal the suit the rebels wanted, so they'd just leave us _alone._

"The Alliance base is a blur in my memory… by some miracle or force of will, I got my hands on a Leo… but, by the time I got back..."  Duo couldn't feel detached anymore.  The memories were too vivid, too horrible.  All those nightmares… the flames… the acrid smell…  The tears returned, and they threatened to drown out the rest of his words.

Quatre said nothing, and he gently placed a hand over one of Duo's.  Duo drew back, and Quatre let him.  "Duo, you don't have to force yourself.."

Duo shook his head, though it hurt to do it; his throat was too choked up for him to say anything.  He was too far now… Quatre had to know what he was getting into, had to know the ruination that followed at Duo's heels.  Finally, Duo managed to get a tenuous hold over himself again.

"… th-there were.. there were only cinders left… th-those bastards..  to get to the rebels, they destroyed the entire church!" Anger fed into Duo's strength as he went on, "Th-they didn't give a damn about Sister Helen or Father Maxwell or any of the others there who didn't have anything to do with the rebels… the ones who only wanted peace… They were _all killed.  I was too late… too late to change __anything.  Now matter what I do… no matter how hard I try—" Duo's voice broke, and it was a few moments more before he could continue._

"I… I ran from the Leo into the still burning ruins.. I found Sister Helen.  With her last breath, she… s-she blessed me.  I'd never really taken her God seriously 'til then.  Then I screamed.  I screamed out to him…  Why wouldn't He take me with them?  Why was I left alone?

"I was answered.  One of the support beams fell, and it pinned me to ground… it was still hot from the attack, and it made my side burn with agony… but in that moment, I _believed_.  He'd heard me.  He'd listened.  I passed out, thinking I would get to go with them… that I'd finally see Solo again…

"But I woke up." There was no hiding the bitterness in Duo's words.

"I spent a week fevered, drifting in and out of consciousness… but even in my condition, I knew I was alone.  Sister Helen wasn't there to make it better.  Father Maxwell wasn't there to chase the demons away.  Solo wasn't there to make me laugh.  My parents weren't there… they never had been…" Then Duo had no choice but to surrender to the sobs.  He couldn't fight it anymore.  He wept helplessly, lost in the flames of his youth. "They'd still be here if it weren't for me!  If I'd've been faster… if I'd never been there at all…"

Tears were running down Quatre's face.  Never could he have imagined how much Duo hated himself… how much guilt he felt all these years… the burdens he'd carried.  It wasn't fair.  Duo never should have had to suffer like that… what was worse; Duo should never have to believe that he _deserved_ to suffer like that.

Quatre leaned forward, and caught the wounded American in a gentle embrace.  Duo was too weak to fight Quatre's attempts to comfort him anymore, lost to his despair.  Quatre kept repeating, "It's alright Duo… it wasn't your fault… it's alright."  If Duo even heard Quatre, he gave no indication of it, as continued to cry until sleep claimed him.

Setting Duo back down against the pillows, Quatre gazed at his bruised and tear streaked face.  "I'm not going to abandon you."

"No…" Trowa put an invisible hand over Duo's, "We won't."

---

"You can't watch him 24 hours a day."

"You can't leave him alone with strangers," Quatre said as harshly as he could while keeping his volume low.  Due to his refusal to leave Duo's side, he was forcing Wufei to have this conversation here, by Duo's bedside, while the boy slept.

"You aren't even armed…" Wufei started.

"I'm sure you could see to it that's changed," Quatre said stubbornly.  He couldn't risk being away from Duo's side while he was like this.  Last night he'd finally let some of that pain out…  If Duo retreated back inside himself again, Quatre wasn't sure he could get him back.

"You still can't stay awake all the time, even if you're allowed to _stay _here 24 hours a day.  If someone gets the drop on you, or Duo slips out again—"

"I won't allow—"

"Let me finish," Wufei said with some irritation, "We can't take any risks with Duo like this.  If you won't let strangers guard him, would you allow Sally and I take the other two shifts?"

Quatre hesitated.  If Duo took Wufei's brusque manner the wrong way… "Wufei, I know you mean well—"

Wufei's expression softened, "Quatre, I know you're worried about Duo's state of mind.  So am I.  I am not blind, nor without compassion.  I can be gentle."

Looking into Wufei's eyes, Quatre knew it was the truth.  "I am sorry I doubted you."

"It's alright.  Now rest.  Sally and I will watch him while you sleep."  Like Wufei had said, he was not blind.  He saw the redness of Quatre's eyes.

"I will not leave." Quatre said, ready to argue anew.

"I did not ask you to.  Take the chair.  It will not be comfortable, but there isn't room for another bed."

Quatre smiled, "Thanks."

Wufei just nodded slightly in acknowledgement as Quatre settled in.

---

Quatre sat watching every rise and fall of Duo's chest.  He was watching Duo alone, at the moment.  When he'd woken, Sally had been there.  She'd brought him breakfast.  When he was finished, she allowed him to continue watching on his own.

It had been at least 16 hours since Duo was awake last.  The doctors assured him it was nothing to be concerned about; the drugs tended to have that affect.

Trowa had stayed awake the entire time.  Unless he exerted his minor powers as a.. a ghost? … he did not need to rest.  Again he'd tried to enter Duo's dreams, but nothing was there.  He had left Quatre undisturbed as well; Trowa wanted to allow the blonde to get used to him not being there.  Besides, Quatre understood matters of the heart far better than he did.  There wasn't any advice, any extra insight, he could offer Quatre anymore.  Not after they had both had heard Duo's story…

'How did you hide so much pain behind that smile of yours?'

He'd done all he could for the moment.  How it hurt to simply watch them, knowing he wasn't a part of their world anymore… It was all out of his hands.

There was a soft moan which immediately caught Quatre and Trowas' attention.  

Once more, Duo opened his eyes.  How many more times would he have to wake u…? he wondered.  His throat felt raw, his eyes crusty… then he remembered.  He remembered all he told Quatre.  He remembered breaking down in tears.  A soft whimper escaped his throat.  How many people would he lose..?

"Duo?"

Duo's eye's widened.  Quatre's voice?  Looking over, he caught Quatre's eyes with his own.  "You… you're here..?"

"Yes.  I'm not leaving you," Quatre said with a soft smile.

"But…"

"No but's, Duo.  I've made my decision." Then Quatre leaned in closer, eyes pleading with Duo to listen, "Duo, those people's deaths were not your fault.  It wasn't because you did anything wrong.  What happened was horrible, but you don't have to carry their deaths around like weights on your soul.  It wasn't because of you.  You did everything you could _and more to help them… but, no matter how hard we try, we can't protect the people we love from __everything."   Tears stung his eyes as he thought of his father, his sister… of Trowa._

"But—"

"Duo, why are you punishing yourself?  Do you think it will make those who loved you happy?"  
  
"Quatre…" Trowa said softly, "Do you finally understand..?"

"I… I…" Duo stammered, remembering Sister Helen… how she would dry his tears if he scraped his knee, would rock him gently when he had nightmares…  If she saw him like this, he knew how she's react; she'd cry.  He began to whimper again… he tried to be stronger.  He didn't want to give in to any more tears.

Quatre saw the conflict in Duo's eyes.  "Don't hold it in anymore, Duo, it's killing you.  It's alright to mourn them.  It's alright to grieve… it's the only way you'll be able to move on."  He offered his arms to Duo, and Duo threw himself willingly into the embrace, starting into another fit of sobs.

Quatre rubbed his back gently and hushed him while he cried himself out for the second time…   When Duo was exhausted, too tired to shed any more tears, the aching of his bruised and broken ribs too great to heave any more sobs, he whispered against Quatre's chest, "…then, why, Quatre?  If I didn't deserve it, why did he do this to me…?"

Quatre winced when he heard the pain in Duo's words, "I wish I could give you a good answer, Duo, but don't _ever believe you deserved this.  You didn't.  He had no right to hurt you…"  He would have continued, but Duo had fallen asleep in his arms again.  He wondered how many of his words the young American would remember, and how many he would take to heart._

"You're worth so much more than you seem to believe," Quatre said quietly to the sleeping boy, holding on to him for awhile longer.  "But, I'll make sure that you learn."  He'd be foolish to think Duo would be alright after two nights of crying... this was only the start.  All he could do, for the moment, was pray that Duo could recover from this.

Trowa stood in the corner, watching the two of them.  When he heard Quatre's soft words, he couldn't help but smile.  There was a long road ahead of the both of them, but in that moment, seeing the two of them together… it seemed right.  If only it hadn't been for the bruises marring Duo's skin, the trails of drying tears down his cheeks, the soft beeping of the hospital equipment... it would have been perfect.

~~~end

…I will finish… I will!

Reviews always appreciated.

Shinigami no kamikaze

shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com


	15. Giving Away an Angel Part 14

Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me.

Finally, the end is in sight…  This is the last chapter.  I hope you enjoy.

This fic contains angst, shounen ai, and possibly cursing.

Giving Away an Angel – Part 13

By Shinigami no Kamikaze

Quatre had never seen Duo so… so… timid as he had been in the last week.  The worst of it appeared to be over, but there were still so may pieces left to pick up.  Duo had been hurt and betrayed so many times…  

But Quatre was determined to change things for Duo, so Duo wouldn't have to isolate himself anymore.. to hide anymore.. to be afraid anymore… 

"I want to see him."

The statement had come from out of nowhere.  "See who?" Quatre asked.

"Heero.  I want to talk to him."

Trowa shot up in alarm.  Duo was doing so well… he didn't want Heero to undo all that Quatre had managed to accomplish…

"Duo, I don't think that's such a good idea…" Quatre said, worry leaking into his voice.

"I need to see him, Quatre," Duo's violet eyes were pleading silently with the blonde, "The Heero that… that put me here… and the one I found in that hospital room… they aren't the same one."

Quatre frowned, "Duo… Sometimes abusers can seem repentant, but—"

"Two years together, Quatre.  We were together two years.  He never raised a hand against me, even if I deserv—"  
  


"Duo…" Quatre warned gently.

"…you're right." Duo said weakly, "I didn't mean that.  What I mean is we had our fights.  He pissed me off, I pissed him off...  In all that time, he never lay his hands on me with violent intentions.  I mean… I… I just need to see him."

Quatre sighed softly.  Duo was still vulnerable, still hurting.  Heero could still hurt him so badly using only words…  But he saw the need in Duo's amethyst eyes.  What was he supposed to do?  "Can't it wait until you're stronger?"

"I can't get the memory out of my mind… I can't get rid of the look in his eyes when was going to..." Duo closed his eyes and looked away before the tears had a chance to surface.  "…I don't want to have to see it any more."  

Silence lingered for a few moments.  Finally, Quatre conceded, "I'll _mention_ it to Wufei.  But I wouldn't get your hopes up."  

Trowa leaned in the doorway and crossed his arms with frustration.  Well, at least he knew Wufei would never agree to it….

Duo's eyes shyly made their way back up to meet the blonde's.  "Thanks, Quatre… I know you don't want me to.  But thank you."

Quatre smiled softly, "Anything for you, Duo."

---

"Absolutely not." Wufei said angrily, "I'm surprised you'd even ask such a thing."

"Well, why not?" Quatre said, trying to keep his tone even.  He didn't much care for the idea himself, but he knew Duo wouldn't let go of this.

"There are a million reasons…" Wufei paused, to think of one specifically. "Duo's a witness.  Can't let him and the suspect together.  Can't risk Heero influencing him or threatening him."

"That would make sense, _if Heero was a suspect.  But you have a formalized confession from him on all charges.  There isn't going to be a trial, because he's not fighting the charges."_

Wufei whipped around to face Quatre, irritation in his voice, "You can't think this is a good idea, either!  Why do I have to explain my decision to you?"

"You're right.  I don't think it's a good idea.  I think it's a terrible idea.  But Duo believes he can't let this go until he talks to Heero, and as long as he thinks that, he _isn't going to let it go, he'll just let it eat at him, and I can't allow that."_

"No," Wufei insisted.

"Fine," Quatre said, "You tell him."

"What?"

"You explain to him why you won't let him see Heero.  You explain to him why you don't trust his judgment."

Hesitating, Wufei said, "But… it's not his judgment I don't trust, it's just he's.. confused.. right now."

"Fine.  Tell him that."

Wufei frowned slightly, "I don't want to undermine his confidence."

Quatre's eyes narrowed slightly, "Whether you explicitly tell him or not, he's going to get the same message from you.  He's not stupid.  So you might as well be open about it."

Wufei considered it for a minute.  "You're sure this is the best thing?"

"Not in the least," Quatre replied honestly.

Scowling, Wufei finally said, "Fine.  A short visit.  If _anything _happens you or I don't like… one wrong look, a breath out of place… it ends.  I will talk to Yuy beforehand," there was a dangerous glint in his eyes, "and make _sure he is on his best behavior."_

Quatre nodded, and they went their separate ways.

---

Duo bit his lip, fidgeting with his hands, unable to hide his anxiety.

Quatre knelt down in front of the wheelchair so he could look Duo straight in the eyes, "Are you _sure_ you want to do this, Duo?  We can call it off right now, if you want to.  You don't have to do this."

Duo shook his head slightly, despite the aching it still made him feel.  "That's where you're wrong, Quatre.  Please, let's get this over with."

"Don't force yourself…"  Quatre stopped when he saw Duo was going to insist no matter what he said.  "Remember, you can end it at _any time."_

"Yeah, Quatre, you've told me."

With one last sigh, Quatre went to wheel Duo out of the room and out to the elevator.  Duo hated the wheelchair with a passion, but, remembering his last trip to Heero's room, he decided that it was probably a good idea.

As they got near, Duo saw Wufei standing outside Heero's door, looking generally unhappy.  He felt bad for making every so upset… but they couldn't understand…  

Heero's two regular guards stood further down the hall, out of immediate earshot, but only seconds away.  Both Quatre and Wufei were armed and would be acting as the guards for this visitation.  Unbeknownst to them, Trowa was also there, ready to defend Duo if it came to that.

Finally, they arrived.  Afternoon sun filtered through the thin hospital curtains.  Duo could see the bruising across Heero's face so much clearer in the light, and he could see the restraints.  Despite what Heero had done, Duo didn't like seeing him like that.  Heero wasn't looking directly at Duo; he seemed to be looking everywhere but.

"Heero…" Duo began softly, "…you never answered me."

"I don't know how.." Heero murmured, sounding so unusually meek.

"Look at me and try… please, God, Heero, try…"

Heero's eyes rose slowly to meet the violet depths of Duo's.  "I… I was afraid.  So afraid.  It started when I saw you with Quatre… and it just built and built.  When you said you were leaving, I was terrified.  I'd never felt that before.  All those times, in the war, when I put my life at stake… never did I feel terror like this.  I was going to be alone.  I knew I was going to be alone.  And, in that moment, I just couldn't take it.  I lost control… all I could think… all I could think… was of making you _stop._" Duo watched as the tears made their way down Heero's face.  Never, in all their time together, had he seen Heero cry…

"I… It was like someone else was in control of me…  I watched as I did those horrible things to you…  I … oh, God, Duo, I'm sorry.  I know it doesn't change anything, but I _am._  I never meant.. I never wanted this… I'd do anything to take it back.  I'll do anything to make it easier for you."

Though he promised himself he wouldn't shed any tears, Duo felt the warm trail of wetness begin at the corners of his eyes.  "Why didn't you trust me? I—" Duo's voice cracked, "I.. I would have come back!"

Heero looked away ashamed, and Quate said gently to Duo, "Maybe it's time we left.."  
  


"…My parents never came back for me."

Everyone looked at Heero.

"…They left me to be raised by Odin.  They said they'd come back for me.  They lied."

There was dead silence.  Duo whispered, "Heero…" under his breath so softly Trowa thought he was the only one to hear it.

"I'm dropping the charges."

The room erupted.  "What?!" Wufei cried at the same time Quatre said, "Duo, are you sure..?" while Trowa shouted vainly, "That doesn't make what he did right!"  Heero just looked back up at Duo in shock.

"Duo, maybe you should think this over more.." Quatre started to say.

"Don't do this because you feel sorry for him.." Wufei began.

"I _have thought about it," Duo said with anger.  "I've _been _thinking of it."_

"Duo—"

"Let me finish!" Duo said, still blinking the tears away from his eyes.  Everyone fell silent again.

He looked directly at Heero.  "Quatre told me you confessed, and that you tried to kill yourself.  You told me you'd do anything to make it 'easier' for me.  You could have escaped when that guard was away, but you didn't.

"You want to be punished, Heero, because you think that'll make it right.  Well—" Duo choked on a sob, "..N..nothing will make what you did to me _right."_  Quatre gripped Duo's shoulder gently, supportively, tears threatening to spill from his own eyes.  Duo had come so far...

"Looking at you know, I know you'll punish yourself worse for this than I ever could... and I think it'll keep you from doing it to anyone else ever again…  God help me if I'm wrong…"  Tears flowed freely down Duo's face, and he looked down at his lap.

"I don't want to see you anymore, Heero.  Not now.  Maybe someday… maybe never…  But not now," Duo's voice was just a thread above a whisper.  He reached up and squeezed the hand Quatre had put on his shoulder.  Quatre didn't need too hear Duo say it; he turned with Duo and left the room.  Trowa trailed behind them silently, finding no words to say that had not been said, knowing that no one could hear him, anyway.

"Duo is wiser than I would have given him credit for," Wufei said softly before looking back at Heero's tear streaked face.  Seeing Heero so devastated… any desire Wufei had to hurt him dried up and left.  He still hated what Heero'd done, but Duo had been right.  Heero had hurt himself with what he'd done, and it was something he could never escape.  Wufei almost felt pity for him.  _Almost._

"Yuy, if you do _anything _to hurt him again or betray the confidence he's shown in you today…"

Wufei stopped when Heero turned his gaze toward him, looking almost _relieved _to hear Wufei's threat.  "I wouldn't expect any less from you."

---

Duo had cried himself to sleep again the night of his visit with Heero, but Quatre was right there by his side to comfort him.  He stayed by Duo's side at all times.

Another week passed before the hospital would sign Duo's release papers.  The American was still weak, and he would still have pain medication to take regularly, but he was going home…

But, Duo realized, he didn't have a home anymore.

He was oddly silent the morning of his release.  

"What's wrong?"  Quatre asked.  These past two weeks, he'd learned to read Duo as easily as he could Trowa.  …Trowa… for once, Quatre realized, the thought of his late lover didn't make him want to collapse into tears.  There was still a sadness, but the wound was no longer raw on his heart…

"I have no where to go," Duo said with the heartbreaking despair Quatre thought he'd finally chased from the American's soul.  "Everything was in Heero's name…  I couldn't go back there, anyway."

"Duo, you didn't think I'd just leave you outside the hospital, did you?"

The way Duo suddenly took an interest in the hospital sheets, effectively dodging Quatre's line of sight, showed that Duo'd been thinking exactly that.  He should have guessed Duo would be anxious about this.  There were times Duo seemed so much better, that it was easy for Quatre to forget how fragile Duo's ego was, that he was struggling to rebuild his self-confidence...

"I will not abandon you.  How many times have I told you that?"

Duo didn't say anything, but he felt ashamed for doubting Quatre.

"I'm taking you back with me.  You can stay with me for as long as you need, unless there's somewhere else…?"

"No… I'll stay with you."  Duo just barely managed to save himself from saying 'I want to stay with you.'  "Thank you, Quatre… thank you so much… for everything…"

Quatre's smile held a hint of sadness, "You were welcome anytime, Duo.  I just wish it hadn't taken all this for you to discover that."

---

Duo tried to hide the wince, but Quatre caught it.

"Are you sure you're alright, Duo?"  Quatre was swiftly discovering Duo was an expert at hiding more than just his real emotions.

"I'll make it." Duo insisted.

"Yes, I don't doubt that, but will you make it unhurt?"

"I have to push myself _some if I'm going to get stronger."_

"But you'll hurt yourself if you go too far, you found that out already.  Besides, there are plenty of rooms downstairs, Duo.  And stop dodging my question."

Duo rolled his eyes.  Quatre missed it.  Trowa didn't.  "I am fine, okay?  And you'd have to move one of the servants out to get me in a room down there.  I don't want to bother them."

"I'm sure they'd understand…" Quatre started to say.

"Well, it's rather pointless now," interrupted Duo with a slight hint of pride, "Seeing as I'm at the top now."

Quatre was trailing just a step behind him, ready to help Duo if he needed it, and to catch him if he faltered.  Then the blonde came around to Duo's side to help him support his weight.

"Is this really necessary?" Duo said with a hint of exasperation.

"You're lucky I'm letting you do this.  You're supposed to stay mostly to the wheelchair."

"Hmph."  But Duo didn't resist Quatre's help as he led him to his new room.  The blonde opened the door, and deposited Duo on the bed.  No one was coming with luggage.  Duo didn't have any.  

Duo sighed softly as his eyes ran over the room.  It was huge.  This was a guest room?  It had been awhile since he'd stayed with Quatre, he'd forgotten how much _space there was.  Maybe he'd gotten too used to the cramped hospital room, but this room just seemed too …impersonal.  It made him feel small in it.  Alone._

He lay down against the pillows as Quatre bought over the phone from the dresser to the night stand, by the bed.  At least the bed was more comfortable than the hospital's.  The sheets were even silk.  Nice.

"If you need anything, just hit nine.  They can get in touch with me, or get you something to eat, or anything else you need."

"Yeah.." Duo said distantly, suddenly exhausted.  Going up those stairs was more work than it had seemed at the time…

Quatre smiled, "Then I'll leave you to get some rest."  

"You don't have to go," Duo said more quickly than he'd meant.  He didn't want to sound needy.  Quatre had already done so much for him… more than he deserved.

Quatre saw it in his eyes.  The doubt.  "I don't have anything I need to do."

"That's a lie," Duo said softly.

"I don't have anything _more important to do."_

Duo thought that probably wasn't true either, but he didn't like calling Quatre a liar, so he let it go.  Besides, his eyelids were so heavy… and the bed was pretty soft… without so much as a thought more, Duo was out.

A smile graced the blonde's face.  The bruises had mostly disappeared from Duo's face, and, without them, he looked to be peaceful at last.  He was so beautiful, the chestnut mane framing his heart shaped face perfectly…  Quatre looked away.  He should slip out while Duo slept. 

Just as Quatre reached for the doorknob, he heard the soft whimper.  He turned, and he saw the serene scene had been shattered by the grimace written across Duo's delicate features.  With another soft cry, Duo turned in the bed restlessly.  

Trowa saw Quatre's shock.  He'd forgotten the blonde hadn't seen Duo in the throws of nightmares before.  The medication… the medication Duo was on had changed.

The blonde looked torn.  He wanted to help Duo, but something was holding him back, something he wasn't even conscious of.  Trowa stepped beside his love and whispered, "Go to him, Quatre… he needs you more than I do…"

Quatre turned back, and went to Duo's side.  He didn't want to just wake Duo… in the end, the nightmare would just come back.  Instead, he crawled in beside the boy and took his weakly thrashing form in his arms, holding him gently, whispering to him soothingly.  After 10 or so minutes, Duo began to calm down, his breaths evening out.  At that point, Quatre planned to slip quietly out, but it had been so long since he'd slept in a bed that the second he relaxed he was fast asleep…

Trowa looked down at his two sleeping treasures.  He wondered if…  well, there might not be another opportunity like this one.  So he held out a hand above each of them, and reached.  Soon he was falling…

---

A grey expanse lay ahead of him, hazy in its quality.  Eyes drifting to his right, he saw a beach that only looked half finished… The sunset was there in its full glory, painting the sky in brilliant reds and golds, but the waters were sluggish and the sand was strangely lacking in its texture… and all at once he understood was staring into Quatre's dreamscape, as if a sense he hadn't known he had had detected the knowledge.  Turning to his left, he saw the dirty L2 streets he had last seen in Duo's nightmares, and he saw Duo staring straight back at him, confused.

"Trowa..?" Duo seemed to realize there was something not quite _right with seeing Trowa standing in a hazy patch of… nothing… that separated the streets of the colony from the ocean.  However, thanks to the veils of a dreaming mind, he couldn't figure out what it was._

Trowa smiled softly at the American.  While the setting of Duo's dream was the same as that of his nightmares, they didn't seem to have him entangled at the moment.  He was even _responding to Trowa's presence this time._

"Trowa!"  When Quatre had heard Duo's voice and his love's name, he turned and saw Trowa standing on the bridge between their two dreams.  No one, not even Quatre, could say for certain where he'd come from, exactly, but he stood on his half finished beach now, tears of joy in his eyes.

When Trowa turned his emerald eyes to meet his blonde angel, Quatre went sprinting forward to him.  Trowa did not have to say anything.  He caught his lover in his arms, and held him close.  Had it been so long since he'd last had the chance…?

Duo smiled sadly as he watched the reunion.  How he wished he had someone to hold him the way those two held each other...  But he didn't want to ruin their moment.  Silent as the Death he had named himself for, he retreated back into the expanse of buildings of his childhood home and let the lovers be.

Trowa allowed Quatre cling to him for awhile, hoping his appearance now wasn't going to a trigger a relapse into Quatre's former state.  At last, the blonde's grip relaxed.

"Quatre… I have some things to tell you.."

"So do I," Quatre said with a sudden shadow falling across his eyes.

Trowa's brow knitted with worry.  Had he missed something that was troubling his love while he watched over Duo?  "What is it…?"

"I… I…" Quatre started, new tears forming in his eyes to replace the ones borne of happiness.  "I think that …I have fallen in love with Duo…" The last was spoken so softly Trowa was scare he heard it.  Quatre's hand tightened around him, "I didn't mean for it to happen!"

Trowa's smile caught Quatre by surprise as one of his love's hands came to wipe the tears gently away from the edges of his eyes.  "And you thought that would upset me?"

Quatre's mouth moved, but no words came out as he looked up at Trowa's face with surprise.

Placing a finger over those soft lips, Trowa hushed the blonde's silent stuttering.  "I told you before, I only want you to be happy.  I don't want you to stop living out of some notion of being loyal to me."

"Besides…" Trowa breathed, "I love him, too…"

"Trowa..?"

Trowa's arms brought Quatre closer, "I don't love you any less, Quatre, don't think that—"

He was interrupted by Quatre's light laughter.  "Is that what _you _were worried about when I first saw you here?"

"First saw me..?"

Quatre looked up into Trowa's glittering eyes, "What a pair we are, afraid giving one another the same news…"

Trowa smiled a little, too, seeing the humor.  "Now there's just one question left…"

"What does he feel for us?" Quatre finished for him.

Trowa turned to look back where Duo had been standing, and Quatre followed his gaze.  But Duo wasn't there.  Just as they realized it, a soul piercing cry echoed from the abandoned L2.  There was no questioning its owner.

"Duo!" Trowa cried, cursing himself for having forgotten the American, too wrapped up worrying about how Quatre would react to his newfound love.  Immediately he sprinted headlong into the maze of torn and broken buildings, Quatre at his heels.

They ran as fast as their feet would carry them.  Softer cries that followed the first howl of pain directed their way, urging them on, faster and faster.  As they ran, the decayed buildings around them started straightening themselves out, their architecture and layout changing subtly until it wasn't the old streets of L2 they were running down anymore, but the street that Duo and Heero had lived on.  

Knowing exactly where he was going now, Trowa flew up the stairs of the apartment building like an avenging angel.  The door to the apartment shattered with Trowa's kick, and the scene he saw was one he had seen before; Duo was held broken, bleeding, against the wall, Heero's hands around his neck, cutting of his breath.  This time Trowa did not hesitate as he surged forward, tearing Heero from Duo, throwing him like a rag doll to the ground.  This time Quatre was there to catch Duo as he fell from Heero's grip.

The blonde held Duo as gently as he could against his chest, afraid to hurt him more.  Duo watched as Trowa jumped astride the Heero his memories had conjured and struck him again and again…

Blinking the tears from his eyes, Duo _remembered.  _He remembered the look in Heero's eyes, the cold dread when he knew Heero would kill him… and the faint memory, just before the darkness claimed him, of Heero being dragged down… taken down by a man who wasn't there.

"…it was you…" Duo whispered, eyes wide, "… it was you…"

The dream Heero literally dissolved underneath Trowa, and the green-eyed boy turned toward the sound of Quatre's soft words of comfort to see Duo's tear filled eyes.  "Duo…"

"But… but… you…. You died… you were dead… how..?  You… how could..?" Duo stammered.

Trowa sat on his knees in front of the still bleeding American, looking into the endless violet depths of Duo's eyes.  "I don't fully understand myself, but, Duo, I had to.  He would have…  When I got back to you, you weren't breathing… I managed to make you start again…"

Duo couldn't stand against Trowa's intense gaze, and he looked down at his hands…  He saw his own blood there… it dripped slowly down from his cheeks, raining down, drop after crimson drop.  "…Why.. save… me?"

"Do you still have to ask that question, Duo?" Quatre murmured softly in Duo's ear.

"Duo, there are countless reasons… you're so selfless, so kind… but, more than that, Duo…" Trowa reached out with hand, and Duo cringed.  But, ever so softly, he lay a finger under Duo's chin and pushed his gaze up.  "I love you."

Duo was speechless, and he stared at Trowa, not believing.  Trowa saw the uncertainty there, the doubt.  "Duo, I know what I am saying… And before you even can start thinking it again, I didn't die because of you.  It was only after I died… after I got the chance to watch you…  I saw you as never before.  Duo, if only hadn't been so blind in life!  If I'd only taken the time to have even gotten to _know _you outside of Deathscythe…. If I could do it all again…  I'm sorry.."

"No!  You and Quatre—"

"He's not the only one who loves you, Duo," the blonde said, watching Duo's face carefully for the reaction.  

The reaction was denial.  Duo couldn't accept it.  "No.. no… don't wanna be in the way… don't want you to.. to …. have to deal with me… no.." He said, eyes squeezing shut, as if he could make it all go away.  It wasn't that he didn't want their love… God, no… but, he cared too much to hurt what they had with his selfish needs and wants.  He didn't want to prevent them from having what he'd always dreamed of.

"You're not in the way, Duo, can't you see that?" Quatre was afraid Duo was going to close himself again.  Had they pushed him too fast?  "Duo, I need you; you mean as much to me as Trowa does."

Duo sobbed against Quatre's chest.  He wanted to believe it, oh God, he wanted to believe it…  But Quatre couldn't be serious.  He couldn't really mean it.  "No…no…no.." he kept repeating into the fabric of Quatre's shirt.  He couldn't tell them what he felt… he couldn't.

Duo felt another set of arms, ever careful of his wounds, wrap around his shaking form.  Duo opened his eyes and found himself embraced between the two.  

"Duo, you're not an outsider, and you're not alone… you'll never have to be alone again." Trowa told him softly.

"Don't…" Duo started.  Trowa drew back from him, looking slightly hurt, and Duo winced away.  He didn't want to hurt Trowa..

"Duo, please, tell us how you feel… don't hold anything back... The last thing we want is to hurt you," Quatre pleaded with him.  "If it's too soon, just _tell _us."

"…no…"

"Do you feel nothing for us?"

"_No… not that.. I can't.. I can't…"_

"Why not?"

"…  it's wrong.  It's selfish.."

"Duo, _nothing you feel is wrong," Quatre said it with such sincerity that Duo's defenses faltered.  He looked up at the blonde with his shimmering violet eyes._

"I _want to love you Quatre, but… I'm.. I'm so _afraid_…"  Duo dissolved into tears, his body simply unable to stand up the raw torrent of emotion that threatened to crush him._

Quatre rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair, "It's okay Duo… these things take time…  I'm not going to rush you into anything."  Even as he said it, he was the pain in Trowa's eyes.  He wanted to reach out comfort him, too, but Trowa saw the desire in his eyes and shook his head slightly.  Duo needed him more than Trowa did.  

Regaining some of his compuse, Duo turned his red-rimmed eyes to Trowa.  He looked so guilty.  "Trowa, I…"

"You don't have to explain," Trowa smiled sadly, "…Duo, I know you don't love me.  I couldn't expect you to… you don't even know me, and the only person I have to blame for that is myself."  

His hand grazed the side of Duo's cheek, but this time the American didn't draw away, "Don't feel guilty.  I have a feeling we have not seen the last of one another.  When we met again, I'll be sure to do things right…"

"Trowa…?" Quatre questioned, sensing a change in his lover.  But before he could press the issue, the apartment faded out in a white glow as, before his eyes, the wounds Duo received in his nightmare faded.  Duo looked just as shocked as he felt.  And Trowa… he looked peaceful, content.

"Trowa, what's happening?!"

"It's time for me to go, Quatre." He leaned forward and stole any words on Quatre's lips with a kiss, "Take care of Duo for me."  

Duo sat up on his own, the pain gone from his body.  His eyes were still red from the tears, but the light in them had returned.  It was faint, but it was there.  Trowa turned to him, smiling when he saw it, "And you… take care of Quatre."

"You don't have to tell me."  Then Duo caught Trowa by surprise when he reached up and wrapped his arms around Trowa in timid embrace.  "I never thanked you for… everything… for saving me, for helping me…"

Trowa returned the hug, "There's no need to thank me.  I did it glady; I want to see you smile again, Duo."

"Thank you, anyway," Duo said as he drew back, managing a shaky smile, one that he didn't use to hide anything.  He didn't know how long it had been for him since a smile was simply that.

"But, Trowa… you're going to be all alone…" Tears slipped silently down Quatres cheeks.

"No, he won't."

They all looked up.  Above them floated a winged creature of such awesome beauty, it should have made them all feel unworthy to be in its presence, but the expression of such perfect compassion and understanding it wore and the sense of peace that seemed to exude from it put them all at ease.  Beside the angel was a couple who also had wings, though they were not so grand.  Bathed in the angel's light, the two souls looked down at Trowa with tears of joy in their eyes.

And then, though he did not know how, he _knew_ they were his parents.  "Mother…?  Father..?"

His mother reached out to him, "It's time to come home."

Wings burst from Trowa's back, and he used them to soar up into the angel's light, giving one glance back at the two loves he left behind.  There were tears in their eyes, but they were tears of joy.  There were no words he could use to express his feelings in that moment, but he did not need any.  Quatre and Duo could see them in his eyes.  There was no need for goodbyes.  This was not the last time they would meet.  Then he turned back and, with another pump of his wings, reached the arms of his parents.

The family disappeared from sight that instant, leaving Duo and Quatre in the presence of the angel, who smiled upon them.  "Live out your lives without sorrow for what has happened this day; live with joy."

And then Quatre woke up.

Had it all been just a dream…?  Was Trowa really out there, happy, or was it all some illusion he created just so he wouldn't have to feel bad about letting his heart fall to another?  He was about to despair for his lost love, when he heard a whimper beside him.

Quatre turned his head, and saw Duo's eyes slowly open, his face wet with tears shed during dreams.  "Duo…?"

The American was surprised to see Quatre beside him.  Oh, his cruel subconscious… for a moment, he'd actually believed everything was going to be alright… that Quatre loved him…  But now he was faced with reality again.  How could he stand it?

"Duo, what's wrong…?"

"Nothing…" Duo sniffled a little, trying to avoid Quatre's eyes, "Just a dream.."

Quatre's eyes widened, "Trowa… Trowa was there, in the dream, wasn't he?  And there was an angel… an angel came to take him away…"

"How did…?" Duo started, wiping his eyes dry with his sleeve.

"It was real, Duo.  It was all real.  I remember it."  Oh, Trowa…  his sweet, loving Trowa… He was gone, but he hadn't left without guiding Quatre to someone he could share his soul with…

"No…," Duo said reluctantly, wanting so much for it to be true, but knowing better than to trust such a cruel world, "…no, it couldn't be.  It's just a coincidence.  In my dream… in my dream, you said—"

Quatre put his hand under Duo's chin, pushing Duo's gaze up, and looked into those violet pools he could happily drown in, "I love you."

Duo's tenuous control cracked, tears coming forward again "Oh, Quatre…"  If this was another dream, just some sadistic joke…

Quatre's eyes never faulted, "I meant every word, Duo.  I meant every word."

How could eyes like that lie?  "I-I… I.. be-believe… I believe y-you," Duo managed around the tears.  He wanted to, at least… he wanted to give in to this dream.

"Not yet, you don't…" Quatre said, wiping away Duo's tears with a practiced hand, "But I know these things take time.... I don't expect the impossible from you.... But, I'll show you I mean it… then, someday, you won't choke on those words."

~~~the end

Oh, there are so many things I could say about this work… but, perhaps I'll post author's notes on my website some day, when even fewer people care about this fic than already do…  

I'd like the thank everyone who's made it this far, with extra love to any and all hearty souls who have been with this story since its beginning.  I am so sorry, you guys… I wish I could make it up to you somehow… you have my gratitude.  Thanks for everything ^^

I said I'd finish, and, with some encouragement from my readers, finish I did.  I may be slow, but I get there in the end, non?  

I'd also like to thank the Crüxshadows, though they'll never read this; their music helped inspire me to get off my lazy ass and back to the keyboard on this fic.  I listened to them heavily while writing these last few chapters.

Thanks again, everyone.  I know no ending could be worth the year's wait, but your comments are, none the less, valued and appreciated.  Anyone thinking of archiving this (hah!), please just drop me a line… I like knowing where my stuff ends up.

~Shinigami no kamikaze

shinigaminokamikaze@yahoo.com


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